In My Head..

A Dilemma

2012-03-07T23:52:00.004-08:00

I really hope this will be the start of something new. At least that is what I plan for. As I reminisce in my past ventures, there are always common threads that come up and mix, almost like they are a single thread of memories. It's an interesting thought because I often cannot think of one thing without inevitably leading to the next until soon enough an entire picture is painted from my memory. What makes it even more intriguing is that I am a positive person by nature and when I get caught up in the hurricane which is my past, strangely only my fondest memories come to mind.

Even now as I write, I'm struggling to break down my thoughts into a cohesive piece. Everything is coming on at full blast. I guess I will start with a singular point which I will expand upon. Let's start with something that has been a part of my life for over eight years: poker. Instantly the memories are profluent, I think about the Bellagio and the limits I played during the summer of 07'. It's hard to believe that it was almost five years ago. I think about the Venetian and these pictures I took in one of my first visits to Vegas.
It was a blissful time (I'm seriously not making these emotions up) and it felt like I was ahead of the curve. Online poker was prevalent but not essential to the overall poker population. Having grit my teeth online since I was eighteen gave me an edge not many people had. EDIT: After writing this post I started looking at pictures of places I've traveled to. I also started rereading my oldest blog posts. I actually really regret deleting my blog so many years ago. See what this ride of nostalgia does??

As I think about poker I think about why I started playing in the first place. I think about being introduced to it in my senior year of high school as an alternative to Super Smash Bros. That leads me to think about why I started to even take it seriously. Was it just the circle of friends I had? Was it the new people I was meeting? Was it what happened to my mom? It may have been a combination of them all plus many more minute details.

I am not a competitive person by nature, but I love to solve. To take it even further, I don't enjoy solving puzzles or riddles, things that have a definite answer and end.

I know most people feel comfort around things that are finite and steady. To a certain extent, that is true of myself, but I think there is a beauty in chaos. I think there is something harmonious about trying to solve something that is infinitely complex, to dissect ideas that are layers upon layers deep. It's captivating.

Nothing has grown me, challenged me, and at times crushed me the way poker has. How can this be? Everybody is dealt two cards with five community cards. Yet when you throw in betting, the permutations are infinite. Adding to it's complexity is the evolution of the game. It's organic. If you don't evolve with it, you will be left behind.

Hence my dilemma. I am a working man now, subject to the orders of my superiors at work. I have less sleep than when I was playing cards and even less free time. Most of it is spent trying to relax through a movie or having some food with good company. Whatever time I have left I try to allocate to studying for my licenses.

However, even with this lack of free time, I still long for something captivating. I think it's human nature to seek something that interests you. Being a Christian allows me to seek and know a God that can satisfy this. With that being said, I would still like to pursue something to "replace" poker in my life.

The desire within me to seek something beautiful, harmonious, and chaotic still exists. It's not something that can or will simply go away. It has been tough to slowly leave poker in my rear view mirror given the amount of time I've spent playing it, studying it, talking about it, and meeting people through it. Now it's time to find a new dilemma, a new puzzle. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

I have a very deep connection with music and movies (as a consumer), but I feel it can be very limiting. There are so many songs out there that I will never hear simply because there is no medium to discover the songs. Even sites like Pandora or Grooveshark are limited in their features. A good song will last a lifetime, but it can't occupy you every day.

My connection with movies is slightly stronger. I feel a lot of emotions through movies. It's very abnormal (I think) but I am more likely to derive emotions through a good film than through a life experience. Getting a flat tire or getting in an accident does not increase my anxiety much if at all. The probable cause of this is (surprise, surprise) poker and the fact that there are so many swings in the game. Your mind develops an immunity to the levels of serotonin that is being released during the highs and lows. Everyday triumphs and disappointments no longer phase you.

However, movies still intrigue me. I honestly have no idea why they help me "feel" but I know they do. It may be an escape mechanism but I find it very easy to place myself in the shoes of a character. I can feel tenseness, I can feel pain, I can feel joy, I can feel hardships. For example, just the other day I watched "Last Samurai" and I was visibly distressed after. My mind wandered beyond the story and into the idea of culture. The samurai are an extremely influential group in the culture of Japan and in the movie they are essentially fighting to save their culture. It led me to think about how much culture is lost between generations, especially today. It saddens me to see a lack of effort in people to familiarize themselves with their original culture. I don't want to digress from my original post so maybe one day I'll write more about this, I could probably write pages about it.

The problem with movies is similar to that of music, it is finite. There is a beginning and an end. I can only watch the same movie so many times before I need a change. Thus, from a consumer standpoint, neither music nor movies can fulfill the unsolvable dilemma that I seek.

I will have to spend some time considering my interests and options. Some general ones can be:

Sports - I am so incredibly gifted at being terrible at sports that this could be a good endeavor.
Music - from a participant standpoint this can be very rewarding or frustrating. How ironic I used to hate piano practice and now I am considering voluntarily relearning it.
Movies - producing a film is way too expensive so this will have to be on indefinite hold.
Art - when I think of art I think timeless. The problem is I am bad at all forms of art. As a matter of fact, I'm not sure if I am worse at sports or art. I like the idea of sketching, but there is a big difference between sketching something appealing and provocative versus drawing stick figures.
Cocktails - this is something that I've learned a lot about in my frequent trips to Noble Experiment. However, I would not limit "cocktails" to only alcoholic drinks. I think there is a fine art in coffee making and tea steeping as well.

My list ends there for now as does this post. The working man must go to sleep now so he may wake up tomorrow morning to help somebody make a lot more money than he will.

Radio Darkness

2012-02-06T14:56:00.000-08:00

It's hard to imagine I haven't written a blog post since the end of November. It certainly is not due to a lack of events occurring in my life. I always have thoughts and circumstances and I love to write so I don't know why I haven't written anything. Maybe because most of it has been internalized and processed that way. Even though I feel "at peace" with things, I still feel unsatisfied without writing. Like I've said time and time again, there is a peace that comes with writing for me. Also, I find myself to be much more honest and comprehensive when I write my thoughts and progress out rather than simply keeping them in my mind.

Work
We start where I spend much of my time now, behind the closed doors of TD. I was officially hired at the end of December and it was a monumental moment in my life. I felt a huge relief when that happened even though all my co-workers said they saw it coming. There is nothing I can take for granted in this life and as I grow older I seriously believe that to my core.

A few weeks before I got hired, I got to work one day and discovered that my key card was not working. I began to panic slightly as I approached the security guard asking him why my card was not working. He slowly moved his fingers across the keyboard, searching my name and clicking on different buttons. My name was nowhere to be found. Now I really began to panic.

Before I continue I should note that many companies do not operate with integrity or grace especially when it comes to the firing of somebody. It should be noted that TD goes through probably 50-60 temps a year. The division of New Accounts is basically a farm of trail by error. The temp agency has an agreement with the company to supply individuals they feel would fit and succeed in the company, TD tests them out for anywhere from one week to one year, and at the end you either get hired or fired. It's that simple. There is no loyalty, no quarter for being a temp. When they are fired, the temp agency is notified, who in turn notifies the temp. It all happens suddenly, often overnight. In my five months there, I've already seen 4 temps come and go. It's quick and clean.

Back to my story. You can now imagine how panicked I was when my key card suddenly stopped working overnight and I was not showing up on the computer's system. The security guard added me back to the computer (which did not alleviate any anxiety) and I walked to my desk and instantly messaged my boss. To my relief, he told me I was not being let go and not to worry, it was probably some computer glitch. It was at this moment in time that I realized how much I appreciate my job and how nothing can be taken for granted, it can all change so quickly. Not that I didn't already love my job before, but I think this was just a nice reminder of what I had and how lucky I was.

My approach at work has been very simple, work for God and nobody else. I have been doing massive OT and it doesn't bother me too much. I am very surprised at how many people are work need to be constantly reminded that they are important. I am one of the youngest people in my department and still every week, we have team meetings to remind ourselves and our team how important we are and things we appreciate about each other. It has made me very thankful that my motivation comes from something beyond myself and it is a river that cannot be exhausted. I would hate to live a life where I had to constantly be motivated, supported, and validated by people around me.

Briana told me a story of her cousin who stabbed a cop when she was younger and went to juvenile jail. When she got out, she cleaned up and started looking for a job and finally landed an interview for a janitor position. She was ecstatic, to the point where she couldn't contain herself and had to share with people who lucky she was to be able to find a job. I think this paints a very real picture that speaks volumes. I hear the story and I instantly gain motivation, confidence, and humility. Here is somebody who is more excited to potentially land a janitor position than the majority of the population is going their secure job every day. I will always remember this story and hope to develop the same level of enthusiasm and humility at every job I ever work in.

Relationship
This area of my live has transformed the most and I am speechless sometime when I reflect on how far Briana and I have come. She is living proof that God can change people no matter what the circumstance, no matter what history you have, no matter how heavy your baggage is. It's simply amazing through our studies, discussions, and every day living how much she has grown and matured.

The wisdom and mentality of God is something that is very difficult to know at times. I use the word "know" because I think it is very different than "understand" in that there is some innate, tacit understanding to knowledge. I would equate it to the difference between listening and hearing. It is very possible to intellectually understand the Bible and not believe it or live it. We do it each and every day when we know better but do differently.

Yet, to know something means to take ownership of it, to make something your own. I believe that in order to know the wisdom of God you must live it and experience it. Often times it takes a step of faith to even acknowledge it's existence. After all, we all individually think we know what's best for ourselves and for others. This is where judgment and pride takes a hold of people. But in order to even begin to know the wisdom of God, there must be a step of faith first: you must humble yourself. And that is not an easy task. There is a big difference between reading 1 Cor 3:19 and living by it.

I am very encouraged by the progress of Briana in this front and it's hard to describe without writing an essay about it. There are no specific areas that stand out, but just an overall peace that has come in her life and that positively influences me. I am very content with where we are and am very confident that as long as we try to live our lives by the same standard, there is an unforeseen and indescribable potential for growth.

Brothers
I speak to those who reside in NorCal and the few who reside here in San Diego. First those in SD, it has always been great to be able to approach you guys with anything that comes to mind. It's awesome how we can communicate to each other due to our common faith. Without making this sound like a yearbook signing, to the people in NorCal - it's too bad that there is so much going on in all of our lives that close proximity is almost necessary to maintain an everyday relationship. However, I still feel that everybody in NorCal has grown and it's very apparent when I get a chance to catch up with you guys.

It's not an easy burden to stand straight and be unified at times, but I am so encouraged by the progress that has been made from 2 years, 5 years, 10 years ago.

Sports
This has to be the darkest area of my life for obvious reasons. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about the game and today I preemptively took the day off work in case the Patriots did end up losing. It was good to relax and recover my mind. It may be difficult for many to understand how a team losing could be depressing or demoralizing or so influential.

In short, I don't put a lot of stock into sports anymore. In my younger days I had favorite players and favorite teams. Nowadays I have a more general appreciation of a sport and it's individual players. For basketball it was always Garnett and the Timberwolves until he went to Celtics, then it became Garnett/Celtics. For football it was Brady and the Patriots after they upset the Rams who I didn't like because I liked the Niners as well.

After Garnett got his ring, I felt like nothing more had to be done, his career was wrapping up and he got what he was after. I felt happy for him, that he was vindicated at last. I moved on to appreciating the NBA has a whole and not heavily investing my emotions to any single team or individual.

The story is a little more complicated with Brady. He already has three rings so why am I still so heavily invested? Because he has an opportunity to achieve so much more. Had he gone 19-0 it would have solidified him as either the best QB to ever play or second best. It would have cemented the 2007 Patriots as a historic icon, one of a kind, never to be outdone. Brady lost the game and as much as it pains me to think about it, I think those scars have healed as much as they possibly can.

Fast forward to this year and Brady is at yet another Super Bowl. But this one is different. He is facing pressure and he is facing a lot of it. Everybody already agrees he is a Hall of Fame QB, probably one of the top 5 QB's to ever play the game. However, this was his final shot at being on the same level as Montana. It was his final shot as creating a huge distance between him and Peyton. Brady simply had to win this game to elevate his legacy to the next level. Losing this game would mean losing the ability to add on. He could win another three rings and it still wouldn't matter because he has lost twice in the big game now, his performance is only above average, and he has lost to the same team twice. People will always talk about how he can't beat Eli and view the Giants as Belichick/Brady's kryptonite.

Yesterday was the culmination of Brady's amazing career. In my opinion, the book has closed for him. He is still a top 5 QB, but his place in history has solidified and it cannot be undone. While the past 24 hours have been excruciating, I think I have come to terms with this. I can say that my emotional investment will be significantly lower in the future for the Brady and the Patriots, maybe even close to none. It will be for the exact same reason as Garnett: there is nothing to prove anymore, you have reached and passed the peak of your career.

On a related note, I started to do some sports betting on the side and overall it has gone extremely well. At first it was $5 or $10 here and there, based on random intuitions. It didn't start off so well as I was consistently picking a majority of losers every day. I tweaked some things here and there and placed stronger values on certain things and tried again. I slowly started to show profit and soon my bets went to $20-$30. On really good lines I would bet a significant amount higher.

I am very lucky to have been immersed in poker for so many years. I think there really is an intangible intuition that comes with gambling. Many serious gamblers think and process information in a similar manner. I don't think anything necessary translates directly from poker to sports betting other than tilt control, but I think there is something intangible about which statistics matter in which games. Also, from my experience in poker, I know there should always be a limit. I never plan on becoming a professional sports bettor so laying $10,000 on a game or even $10,000 spread out over several games would never make sense for me. Even if I was a successful bettor, I want to keep the focus of my life on my career and my relationships with people. This has taken more will power than I originally thought it would. It's easy to get out of hand when you are running hot.

Movies
Two movies I've seen in recent memory that I thought was worth writing about: Chronicle and Another Earth.

Chronicle is more mainstream and has be released to all theaters. Without going into too much detail about the movie, it's a film about three teenagers who gain telekinetic powers. I think there were some very creative ideas implemented in this movie. If you've seen Blair Witch or Cloverfield, you are no stranger to first person hand-held camera film making. However, this movie takes it to another level by having the kids use their telekinetic powers to film themselves. It introduces the audience as a fourth character in the film and allows us to experience the film in a new way. It also prevents the camera from shaking as much which is much easier on the eyes. The character development for this movie is amazing and not too rushed, which is something I really look for in films.

Another Earth is a less well known film and had a limited release. From previews it looks to be a sci-fi film but in reality, it has almost absolutely nothing to do with science fiction. It is a film that is 95% based on character development and a very unique relationship. I found myself extremely vested in the characters of this film which does not happen very often. I think it's easy to put yourself in the shoes of both of the main characters and really have a hope for how things turn out.

Films have become increasingly powerful and influential in my life. I'm not sure if this is a good thing as there are times where I can only feel emotions through movies. There are times where I have to think like a script is written. I process information the way a dialogue develops the characters. It's a strange thing that I don't expect anybody to understand, but I would compare it to the feeling some people get from music. It just takes you to a place where you experience something that would otherwise be absent.

Twitter or Bust

2011-11-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

As most of you know by now, I no longer exist on Facebook which is about the same as...not existing on Facebook. People freak out about Facebook, but now instead of event invites I get phone calls and texts. Instead of people writing on my wall I get phone calls and texts. Instead of going on tilt reading some of the things people post on Facebook, I live in blissful ignorance. Sounds like a great deal to me! Props to Vinny and Anne Chang, the only other two humans in California who once had a Facebook but now do not. Stay strong!

My action towards Facebook is not trying to stand up against social media (as you will read soon enough). I just got really tired of people posting pictures of food and clubbing pictures in every position possible. Then there is everybody posting RIP every time a celebrity passes away. Furthermore, I just did not check Facebook that often, maybe once or twice a month tops. Imagine if I got that tilted from using Facebook once or twice a month how bad it could be if I went on 10 times a day like most people.

As stated previously, I am not against social media, I may someday reactivate Facebook, but I don't see myself doing so in the foreseeable future. Currently my social medium of choice is Twitter, as some of you who follow and reply to me already know. Does Twitter annoy me? Yes somewhat. But guess what? I can follow and unfollow anybody I want and they won't figure it out for days if not weeks. On Facebook, I can't de-friend people otherwise they'll know right away. Also, Twitter doesn't shove other people's tweets I'm not even following in my inbox. Thank you.

Moving on, I'm trying to tweet at least once a day and have been doing pretty poorly. If you want to know what's going on and strictly rely on social media to stay caught up, then add me on Twitter. Or you could call or text like the old fashioned way!

Stuff

2011-10-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging. Everytime I read other people's blogs, I think about my own and my desire to write a post. However, nothing much has come to my head recently and I personally find it extremely boring when people blog about their everyday life. Nobody really cares if you went to the grocery store today and got some chicken on sale, unless you're a comedian and make it a funny story or if the grocery store was actually an ocean and the chicken you got was actually a big tuna, in which case invite me over so I can eat some sashimi and end this run on sentence.

I have started working at TD Ameritrade and just passed the two month mark. It has passed by in a blaze because everyday I have work from the minute I get there to the minute I get off. I enjoy the learning experience, it's quite different being your own boss and talking with other be-your-own-boss people. Now I have a boss who has a boss who has a boss. One of the requirements for those who work here are knocking out the Series 7 license (bare minimum) and the 63 and the 24. I think it's nice to work at a place that offers you the opportunity to get these licenses as it can only help in the future. I definitely want to get all three while I'm here.

My mind is wandering but I will continue writing. There is something to be said about this Steve Jobs guy. I understand (to some extent) the pain felt by Cupertino that they lost their only claim to fame. What I do not understand is when people make comments that make it seem like they actually knew Steve Jobs and feel the loss of a personal relationship. I'm pretty sure the majority of people who posted on Facebook "RIP" did so out of obligation to flex social knowledge. In a way, by posting something on Facebook about Steve Jobs, you are showing everybody else that a) you're hip and you know your "world" news and b) you have a heart for people who have died. I'm sorry if this offends you but I was tilted out of my mind when I saw how many people took to their Facebook to let everybody know how they felt about Steve Jobs dying.

Furthermore, I get sent a viral video of a 2-year old Chinese girl getting owned by two cars while bystanders act like they are too busy or too important to stop and help her. Just out of curiosity, where are the Facebook posts for this? I don't see "RIP Chinese girl" anywhere. I have no issue with people appreciating what Steve Jobs has done, I think he was a genius innovator. However, he lived his life to the full, did what he loved, and died a billionaire.

People are dying in the world everyday, in much harsher circumstances. It's obviously impractical to post "RIP" for everybody who dies, but it's also annoyingly pointless to post "RIP" for somebody just because they're famous! If anything, there are a couple things people should take from Steve Jobs' life and death.

1) Do what you love to do.
2) No amount of money can prevent death.

Things I've Learned

2011-08-10T15:11:00.001-07:00

I saw a poster today of random things learned throughout life at different ages. It was listed in no particular order, just what was learned and the corresponding age. I thought this was a great opportunity for a short reflection on my life so far and I decided to create a list for myself. It isn't going to be exact, but just a general summary for that age.

Things I've Learned
Age 1 - How to walk.
Age 2 - How to make trouble.
Age 3 - That Saturday morning is the best.
Age 4 - What it's like to be spanked.
Age 5 - What it's like to have a younger sibling.
Age 6 - What it's like to go to school and cry when your parents leave you there.
Age 7 - What it's like to dislike a teacher.
Age 8 - What it's like to have a crush.
Age 9 - What it's like to love a teacher.
Age 10 - What it's like to have a consistent, close circle of friends.
Age 11 - How much fun it is to have video game sleepovers.
Age 12 - What it's like to be bullied.
Age 13 - What it's like to be threatened.
Age 14 - Who Jesus is.
Age 15 - The need to be popular.
Age 16 - That I wanted to devote my life to God.
Age 17 - What it's like to fall in love.
Age 18 - Learning from new friends how rare it is to have a circle of friends from high school that I still keep in touch with on a daily basis.
Age 19 - What it's like to lose a family member.
Age 20 - What it's like to be heartbroken.
Age 21 - What it's like to make money. A lot of money.
Age 22 - What it really means to follow God.
Age 23 - That your cousin can be one of your best friends.
Age 24 - That the world is much greater than America and American culture - I did not truly understand this until I traveled on my own without my parents.
Age 25 - How difficult it is to change careers.

What have you learned?

Passion

2011-06-29T23:17:00.001-07:00

I've been doing a ton of "research" on career choices and where to go from where I've been. Something I've really become adamant about in a career is passion. Passion for what you do and why you do it. My observations of passion:

passion can never be faked, the audience can always tell if it's real
you can see passion in the quality of somebody's work, their willingness to go the extra distance
passionate people know what they want and like, they often create with their personality
they are happy with what they do and proud of what they make

I think some of the easiest examples of passion can be seen in music or film. Here is a couple examples where I think you can really tell the individuals are enjoying what they're doing, and it shows in their quality of work.

1) Perfect Cover

For me personally, the song is well done and I have an appreciation for the voices of both individuals. What impressed me most is the feeling you get when you listen to it, like you feel the song actually has meaning. Many times you hear lyrics in a song and they don't mean any more than the melody that comes with it. It might be catchy, but it will be forgotten. It might be trendy, but it will be overplayed. This cover did not give me the impression of mimicking but reinvention. When Pink first released this song, I thought it was catchy, but this cover made me listen to the lyrics and think about what the song was trying to communicate. On another note, although this was a cover, I thought from a film perspective it was decently well edited and spliced together.

2) Strangers Again, Wong Fu Productions

Yes it is the same girl and that is somewhat by coincidence. I saw the short film first and happened to see the link for the cover on the sidebar. This film impresses me on many levels. I really liked how they broke the fourth wall and alternated between 3rd person and speaking with the audience. I liked how the story was simple yet compelling. It wasn't filled with messy details but there was enough character development to make you sympathize with the characters and their path together. I thought the music selection was great as was the directing and editing. Finally, I especially liked the argument scene where it blacks out and comes back. It really summarizes most fights in a relationship where there is just loud noise and no logic.

You could easily look at these two pieces of work and criticize it. The singing is not American Idol (which I think is ridiculous to begin with) quality. The acting, directing, editing, and production in general is not Oscar worthy. Okay sure, but why does it have to be? These are normal people who are passionate and consequently pretty good at what they're doing. Are they going to become famous one day? Who knows and who cares! I think they're both great examples of passion because they leave you with something, whether it be a feeling or an inspiration or simply appreciation for their work.

These two examples along with a plethora of other things has inspired me to pursue something I'm passionate about. Question is, what is that? The answer almost immediately entered my mind after I asked the question. Film. That is really the one thing I can think of that I can spend hours doing. Similar to poker, I find myself able to immerse myself in film and all aspects of it. I appreciate everything about the production of a film from casting to lighting to screenplay to directing to editing. I think it's beautiful and powerful. When I watch movies, I don't really view it through the same lens as others. I tend to pick out details that really impress me and areas I thought were lacking. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a critic (because I doubt I could write a compelling review) but I would readily admit I'm a movie snob.

The problem with my passion is that it is one of the largest industries in the world and everybody is trying to get in. After further thought, I don't think you necessarily need to be limited to a single passion and though film may be my greatest passion, it doesn't mean I need to make it a profession. However, I am going to pursue it in the near future for my own enjoyment. I haven't decided exactly when or what direction I'm going to go with it, but I have begun doing some research on equipment and tools including software to help me. I think I have many ideas that come from all the shorts, videos, movies, and documentaries I've seen. After I get all the necessities together, I will begin experimenting.

I think it will be very fulfilling. I am very anxious to begin.

My Retirement and Future

2011-06-28T00:34:00.001-07:00

You know how in sports, often times there are athletes who get career ending injuries? You just don't see them ever play at the same level again and almost wish they just retired instead of forcing themselves to play.

For me, it was a hand that did me in. That's right. One. Single. Hand.

In poker, there is no injuries except maybe heart attacks or strokes. That's meant to be somewhat of a joke but sadly it's also true. I've witnessed one heart attack and one stroke in my short career and it's some scary stuff.

Because poker is a game of psychology, it is fitting that only a psychological defeat would be able to take you out permanently. Everybody has bad days and good days, even bad months and good months. This particular hand would seem very simple and normal. However, to me it gave me everything I needed to know that I had to walk away. Maybe not completely to the point where I will never play poker, even recreationally, again, but definitely to a point where I have to move on to something else.

My thought process throughout this hand is very difficult to dissect. In all honesty, it's because I don't view the game the same as anyone else I know - literally - for better or for worse. I will try to explain my point of view and exactly what happened along with the aftermath. Feel free to skip ahead if you are not interested in what I consider possibly the most psychologically-broken-down-hand I've ever written about. I usually with hold some information in hands because I would have to write too much to give an actual analysis. Seeing that this is my "career ending" hand, I think it is appropriate to be 100% forthcoming and honest about my thought process.

Before I begin with the hand, I have to give somewhat of a preface. Something that most players understand - but few actually try to improve on - is the "theory" of adaptation. I put "theory" in quotes because for 99.999% of the poker playing population, it is something that happens. That is not an exaggeration. I truly believe that less than 1 out of 10,000 players even take time to think on this level. In Darwin theory, the faster adaptor survives. Likewise in poker, the fastest adaptor's rise.

Most players, when they sit at the table, are doing two things: playing their hands and waiting for their opponents to make mistakes. While this is a generalization, it depicts the truth. So where does the adaptation come into play? Some players never adapt, they will always play their cards. Others do adapt, but only after 200+ hands of observation. The elite players are capable of adapting within the first orbit or two after sitting down. This means they are able to make reads and sharpen their range when given only a sliver of information about their opponents.

Now on to the hand. I sit in a 5/10 game with 4k, having everybody covered except a kid in seat 9. I have relevant history with only one other player at the table, seat 6, from the night before. I got him pretty good several times but he is mostly irrelevant in this hand other than preflop. The kid in seat 9 I recognize from somewhere but have no history with him. I assume he is very competent, thinking, and most importantly, confident.

The first piece of the puzzle to this hand is the previous hand played at the table. The kid in seat 9 just made what I assume was a thin call on the river for a decent chunk of change and was shown the effective nuts. He is obviously unhappy with his play, but I also go several layers deeper and begin to operate under several assumptions. These assumptions will be relevant throughout the course of the hand:

He just lost a large pot. Judging by his stack size, his accessories (headphones, zip-up jacket, earrings), and the fact that he is a very confident player, my first assumption is that he is going to try and win his money back. Not in an hour or when he gets dealt a hand, but now. He will force the issue.
He will most likely attack the deeper stacks at the table, of which I am at the top of the list. Given that I have sat for less than 10 hands and therefore an unknown, I have no knowledge of history at the table other than the hand that just occurred. This means he will almost certainly try to make a move on me because he will operate under the assumption that I know nothing about his play as well, which forces me to play a tighter range vs him.
He will fast play the top of his range (both preflop and postflop), hoping that the rest of the table will view his actions as tilt and not giving him credit for a hand.

Preflop

I am in BB with JTdd. Seat 6 raises to $30, seat 9 calls, and it is folded to me.

My options here are to call or 3-bet. Let's go a little deeper and decide which is the better option. Calling would keep the pot small and allow me to play it safe. Given my holding, it is certainly a viable play. However, I would argue very strongly that this would be giving up a massive amount of EV due to seat 9's current psyche.

Since I am operating under the assumptions I listed, I am expecting seat 9 to play roughly 90% of his hands within the next orbit or two until he wins his money back. He will only fold the bottom 10% of his hands such as Q5o or J2o. Even these hands, I consider it very possible he would 3-bet and try to bullet his way through the remainder of the hand.

Therefore, it is very likely that seat 9's hand is not strong. Combining this with the fact that seat 6 respects my actions due to the night before, reraising is clearly the better option. Having said that, I will need to operate under a new set of assumptions if I choose to 3-bet.

Seat 6 will fold the majority of his opening range. He will reraise with the top of his range. He will flat with the middle of his range - KQdd, 99, etc.
Seat 9 will call this 3-bet close to 100% of the time.
Seat 9 will not give up to one street of postflop aggression.

I choose to 3-bet to $155. Seat 6 folds rather quickly, and seat 9 rechecks his hand, my stack, and spends about 10-15 seconds before calling. This instantly gives me more information:

Seat 9 is playing a hand that requires implied odds. He has to make sure he can win enough from me.
Seat 9 considered folding, which means his hand is near the bottom of his range. We can now remove hands like T9ss, Ax suited, and Kx suited hands from his range.

Flop (Pot $345)

Q 7 3 rainbow

I have exactly $3845 behind and he covers. At this point the stack sizes don't matter much, but they will later on. Given the texture of the board, the preflop action, the hand before, and my read of seat 9's hand, firing a continuation bet is the correct play. As I stated before, I do not expect him to give up to one street of aggression but on this kind of flop, checking is probably the worst play, slightly behind open mucking your hand.

I fire $265 and he gives some thought before calling. Now we have a new set of assumptions that we will call Turn Assumptions:

He is raising 33/77 on this flop given our stack sizes.
He is not folding any pair, whether it be 53ss or 22.
By calling, his hand range is narrowed by roughly 5%. I think one of the only hands he might fold in this spot is something like 98.

Turn (Pot $875)

The rainbow is complete which makes the hand slightly easier to play since I can now discount most backdoor outs. This card is only harmful if he has a hand like 97, 99, Q9. Given my turn assumptions, firing here is again the superior play. Here is where I make a small mistake in bet sizing. In retrospect, the correct size would have been somewhere around $650. I fire $485 and seat 9 begins to reveal some discomfort. He rolls up his sleeves slightly and chews his gum that much harder. I can tell he is contemplating calling or raising.

He eventually settles on a raise, making it $1200 to go. I have $3360 remaining, making a ship very awkward and spewy. I think this over for a couple minutes and decide that calling is marginally the best play. I'm not sure what I'd choose between shipping and folding here.

Had I made it $650, he would have to raise to the neighborhood of at least $1600, making shipping a much more viable play. Given the turn action, I now have River Assumptions:

My opponent's strongest holding is 99.
My opponent's remaining holdings can be Q9, Q7s, 97, 65, 73s, and maybe 93s. This is very specific and it is very rare that you can narrow an opponents range to this many holdings minus random spew %. However, this board is that makes it possible to do so.
My opponent's short hesitation and decision between calling and raising tells me he does not have a two-pair hand as these types of hands are obviously raising. He must protect his hand and build a pot now in order to maximize EV on the river. By calling with these hands, he significantly increases the chance that I will bet/fold the river.
My opponent's raise narrows his range considerably, by 71.5% in this case. However, I would argue that 99 is almost certainly raising without second thought because it is exactly the same as 77/33 on the flop and therefore plays the same. This leaves us with 14% of his range and exactly one hand, 65.
Raising with Q9/97/99 gives me the highest % chance of making a mistake and shipping with AQ, AA, KK, or the hand that I have. So ironically, my opponent has narrowed his range by taking the most aggressive line.

River

I check and my opponent moves all-in after literally two seconds of consideration. The dealer asks him to put some chips forward for the camera to know that he is all-in. My opponent proceeds to not only put "some" chips forward, but his entire stack, one tower at a time. Now I have new information:

Given the board pairing and the near snap ship, it is very unlikely my opponent has Q9.
Given the board pairing and the near snap ship, it is also very unlikely my opponent has 97. It is far more likely for him to take some time and then ship.
My opponent is most likely bluffing. Anybody who has played live poker for an extended period of time knows that strong means weak. Moving his entire stack in the middle when he only needed to put one tower in tells me that he wants me to think he is strong. He wants the amount of chips to intimidate me. Furthermore, shipping so fast reveals that his move is premeditated.

Now given all this information from my first set of assumptions to last, it is likely that my hand is good here. To save any suspense, I folded after tanking for over five minutes. My opponent proudly turns up 65 thinking he forced me to make a hero fold.

The final paragraph might have seemed contradictory and it is. I tank not for show, but because I am convinced my hand was somehow good. I have made queen high and jack high calls before so it's definitely not a question of capability. It was a question of heart. This hand is irked me for almost a month now. It's like a bad dream that you can't escape.

I've consulted with many players and all assure me this is not a standard call. However, throughout my career, I've pushed myself to constantly stay ahead of the competition. I've spent hours thinking about a single hand before, in order to enter the psyche of my opponent. Understanding the game and the population that participates in it allows me to create theories before others do and pioneer something new for a short period of time. In order to be at the top, you have to feed yourself, you have to create. And I have put in hours upon hours of mental labor to create for myself. Unfortunately, this hand has shown me that I may have lost the ability to stay in front of my competition. Although most people define themselves through the big hands they've won, for me it's the opposite. In some ways, this hand redefined who I had become. Somebody who had lost focus.

To me, this hand told me so many things on so many levels:

It told me I was no longer the player I used to be. I am certain I would have called if I were in my sharpest form.
It showed that my heart was no longer in the game. I have always played for the challenge and the competition, never the money. However, for about 5 minutes in this hand, it really seemed like it was about the money.
Similar to how an elite player invents new thought processes and theories, an elite player would have found a call here. If I no longer view myself as elite, I refuse to play professionally.

The truth is, you aren't always going to be good at what you do. That's why some people go crazy trying to regain something they once had in the palm of their hand, wondering, "What happened?" Although I've considered walking away countless times, I believe this is the first time I've wanted to walk away independent of a string of bad luck. I am lucky to be in a situation where I can walk away on my own terms.

So what do I do now? I am dedicated to finding something new to apply myself in, but I don't know what yet. My emotions have been like a roller coaster the past three weeks. There have been many changes and challenges in my life. As an example, I have forgotten what it's like to not have an income and a hefty one at that. I don't know what it's like to find a job or how long it takes. I am walking away from an industry I fully understood to something completely foreign.

In all honesty, I have no bearing on where I'm headed whether it be profession or even location. I may sound crazy, but after some emotional anxiety and thought, I've reached a calming state, truly believing that the position I am in now is a fascinating place to be. I am so lucky to have done and experienced so many things at my age. I have traveled to many countries, shared my success with others through great food and spirits, and even had a 13-course meal to name a few. How can I possibly complain? I now have the opportunity to create something new for myself. I believe there will be a day where everything will click again. For now, I get to spend time figuring things out with God and learning more about myself in the eye of the storm and in the face of chaos. "For if God is for us, who can be against us?"

As Cold As The Other Side of the Pillow

2011-05-23T10:17:00.001-07:00

Poker has not been going very well as of late. After my monstrous first quarter of the year, everything has kind of come to a halt.

It's a weird feeling because most of my big hands are still holding up. I'm not running boats into bigger boats or flopping the nuts and getting run down. My aces and kings are still holding up. The issue is I'm winning almost nothing when I make hands. I've been dealt aces and kings a total of seven times I think (all at low limits except kings once at 10/20/40) and I only saw a flop two out of those seven times. Of the two times I saw the flop, only one got to the turn and it ended there. I feel like a fish talking about winning big pots with aces and kings. In my life I'm pretty sure my biggest pots have never been aces or kings. The reason I am even mentioning aces and kings is because those are the only pairs I make now that win.

What sucks the most is that people aren't making huge laydowns to me both because it's really difficult for players to do that vs me and because a lot of mucks have been instant. Players just aren't making hands when I have a hand. Unfortunately, I seem to have decent hands when they have hands.

I am making an average of one or two big hands per session and usually making a decent amount if my opponent has a hand. However, I've been going through the whole "making a pair is difficult" phase recently. When you get AK the board is 246 and when you get KQs the board is 876. These types of flops do happen and usually I can double or triple barrel through but the problem is when you aren't doing much and bleeding a little bit, people just stop folding to you. It's like there is no credibility until you win a big pot with a legitimate hand.

Anyway, hopefully things will turn around sooner than later. I'm taking this week off to get some work done then heading to Vegas next Tuesday. The plan is to play in the $1500 O/8 event and some cash games on the side. If I do well I'll stay through the weekend, which I really hope is the case because the first weekend of WSOP is the nuttiest time of the year.

Some Poker Hilarity

2011-05-05T10:43:00.001-07:00

I sat in the best 5/10 game I've played in for a while yesterday at Palomar. This is a rarity especially after black Friday. I went early afternoon and the game was about 70% under the age of 25, which is sad because I'm probably considered seniority in terms of age.

Luckily, I had some urgent errands to run and I quit after only playing about an hour. When I finished my errands I immediately went back and boy how two hours can change everything. At first, things were kind of average but as night fell the kids began packing up and going home. After that happened the floodgates opened.

By 9pm, half the table was rich middle aged men. The standard opening size was suddenly 7x-9x instead of 3x-4x. Players were cold calling 3-bets preflop. Players were stacking with middle overpairs. Players were never folding preflop if they opened. I did not have plans to stay past 10 but this was a special case. It was the first time I stayed until the cardroom closed. It's such a shame that San Diego county law requires that location to close at 2am. I could have played in that game for another 12 hours easy.

Anyway, here are some fun hands:

5/10

Four limpers to me, I make it 60 OTB with QT, all call. Flop A55, one diamond. Checked to me and I check. Turn 9d. Three checks and kid fires 185, I call, rest fold. River is an offsuit 4. Before this kid bet I already decided I was very likely to call him down. Now he overbets 850 and if I was already semi-committed to calling before, I'm certainly committed now. I nearly snap call and he shows A5. Oops.

5/10

Three limpers to me, I make it 60 OTB with JTs, all call. Notice a trend? Flop Kd9h8h. Checked to me, I check. Turn 4h. Two checks and guy now bets 75. I fold, and now there's a check-raise to 225. Only the bettor calls. River 4d. Check-raiser now thinks and checks. Bettor instantly fires 325. Check-raiser tanks for about two minutes and calls. Bettor shows two red fives and it's good. Soul read.

5/10

LP opens to 40, button calls, BB three-bets to 245. Both call and the trend continues. Flop A33. BB bets 265, LP raises to 685, button ships. BB folds, LP calls for only about 500 more. LP has AKh and button has T3 offsuit. I don't know who's hand is funnier at this point.

Anyway, given the action I saw last night I am much more inclined to play at night. I usually enjoy playing during the afternoon but I think after black Friday all the kids are out in full force. But the thing about kids is they like to maintain a high profile social life and this requires them to leave around dinner time. After that, the game just improves ten-fold. I'm going to go back again today during the afternoon and probably play through night and see if the pattern continues.

Where to Begin?

2011-04-24T23:50:00.000-07:00

I went on an amazing 11-day trip and just got back. The first four days were spent at home sweet home where I got to celebrate my dad and brother's birthday. I also got to see old friends again and party like it's 1969. There is some feeling about home that captivates you and can never be fully articulated.

The next four days were spent in my second (or third) home: Vegas. Part of it was same old, same old. Played poker, had some drinks, ate some food, walked around. A new part surfaced this time and I'm pretty sure I do not like it. After online poker went down I predicted there would be a huge influx of online players in cardrooms everywhere. I was right but man how I wish I was wrong. These new online kids have no respect for the game and zero etiquette. On top of that, they can't shutup about strategy at the table. Immediately after a hand ends, they all have to discuss their "lines" with "ranges" and "merging" and "fold equity". I put those phrases in quotes because I literally heard those exact phrases multiple times both nights I played. How retarded.

The last three days is what this post is really all about. I spent it in Scottsdale and Phoenix, AZ. Let me just say there is no way to fully describe at this moment what I experienced in Arizona. Part of it is because I had such low expectations going in. I never heard a good thing about that place and even people who live there say it's so boring. I definitely think that is not the case. While I would never live there, I think it's definitely a place I would visit multiple times in my life.

I'll start with the hikes. I'm not a huge nature geek and also not a huge hiker but man was it worth every drop of sweat hiking the two mountains we did. The view up top was beautiful but the hike itself was such an accomplishment. Camelback was the hardest hike I have ever done hands down but it was definitely the most rewarding.

The bars and clubs were also pretty sweet. The one we went to was called Axis-Radius and it was about twice the size of Stingaree and much nicer. This other place we went to called Hula's Modern Tiki was also very nice. Both places had affordable drinks and strong ones at that.

The food in Arizona is amazing. You would never think that because...well, why would there be good food in the middle of the desert? Well let me tell you I'm a huge foodie and I enjoyed all five meals I had there. My best experience was probably the Italian Grotto. Food was excellent but service was what really set this place apart. It had a carefree environment where it felt like everybody was your server and they were all joking and making fun of each other. The homemade pasta and sausage there were excellent. I didn't order it for my entree but I tried my friend's dish and it was so good I ordered a sausage for dessert. That's right. With a side of marinara sauce.

Now the final selling point of Arizona: the company. And by that I mean the people. There are some ridiculously good looking people there. Before I continue I just want to make it clear that Briana totally agrees with me. We were both shocked like, "Why are they all hiding in the desert? Is this where they've been this entire time?" If anybody is single, I highly recommend you go there for a week or a month or a year. I can't really describe it any other way, it's just something you have to experience.

After this trip I came home hoping to catch up on some rest. Unfortunately, I came back to a half-flooded apartment and maintenance just finished cutting up the padding underneath the carpet. Tomorrow I have to get up early to let the plumber come in and drill some holes in the floor to fix the pipes then maintenance is coming back to redo the carpet. Joy. Maybe I'll finally get some rest tomorrow afternoon..

1000 Concepts

2011-03-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a theoretical post that I have worked and reworked in my mind over the course of many years. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've written about this theory before, though not in so much detail. I believe this theory to be practical in any profession or scenario, but I am going to specify it to poker for the purpose of this post.

The reason poker works so well to illustrate this theory is because poker is an organic game. It changes continuously over time and it never stops moving. It's a game of imperfect information and "best guesses".

To begin, we take poker as a whole and boil it down to it's basic concepts and/or theories. For arguments sake we will say a concept is stand alone and a theory is the culmination of certain concepts. To further simplify this model, we will say that if you were to break all concepts and theories down, there would be exactly 1000 concepts in poker.

Any player at any given point in time knows x number of concepts in poker. Beginning players know that two pairs beat one pair. Novice players know that aces are the best starting hand. Advanced players know that you can semi-bluff. Expert players know that you have to blend ranges. So we'll say beginning players might know 10 concepts, novice players 50 concepts, advanced players 200 concepts, and expert players 800 concepts.

This may seem very straight forward but how come there are novice players who are winning players but only know 50 concepts and there are expert players who are losing and know 16x more concepts. How is this possible? It's precisely because poker is an organic and ever changing game. Like chess, there are counter strategies for every strategy. If you only know 50 concepts and can deduce anywhere from one to five different strategies, you can still be a winning player if you play against the right opponents who have inferior strategies when facing your specific set of strategies. However, if you were put up against an opponent who's game is great against your game, you will get crushed.

Many winning poker players fall into the trap of getting comfortable with what they know. They find a winning strategy based on some theories which are based on some concepts and they go in blind so to speak. Their thinking is, "If I win, it's because they are obsolete and I am better. If I lose, it's because they got lucky." After a theory or strategy has worked for so long, how could it suddenly be wrong? Going back to the 1000 concepts, it is surely possible as long as your combination of concepts fails against your opponents combination of concepts.

As you grow as a player, you eventually hit a point where you realize poker is beyond you. In other words you will never solve it. Once you reach this point, you can do either one of two things. You can be stubborn and stick with what you know, hunting players who have inferior strategies. Or you can become a student again. And again. And again. It's an ongoing process that will never end and you should never expect it to if you want to beat your competition.

Truth is you will never know all 1000 of poker's concepts. This is because some of them may not have been discovered yet. Likewise, you can never know all possible theories and strategies since they are always evolving. Furthermore, even if you were able to know all the concepts of poker, you would have to decide what combination of concepts to use and how to apply it. There are plenty of contradictory concepts in poker so often times, using one means you can't use the other. A simple example of this is some players believe you should never limp preflop while others believe you should never raise preflop.

The reason I think this theory of 1000 concepts is very captivating and thought provoking is because I myself always want to learn more. I want to know what I can improve in. I am learning everyday from different players. Some players apply concept #957 better than I do. Some players implement a theory better than I do. Learning from them helps me develop a forever changing strategy. There is only a right and wrong in a specific set of circumstances, but not as a whole. My game must become organic and free flowing as well. I'm doing things today that I would never done 3 years ago and I did things 3 years ago I would never do today.

You can never play perfectly so why lie to yourself into thinking you are? That's the most frustrating thing in a poker player. Players who feel like they only lose due to some dumb stroke of luck by their opponents but all their moves are so well thought out and calculated. The truth obviously lies somewhere in between, but your mindset should never be complacent. You can always learn more concepts or combine them in different ways to form different theories. The day you stop adapting is the day you start becoming obsolete.

Forwards and Backwards

2011-03-22T16:59:00.000-07:00

I've been making good progress in kickboxing. Getting through the class isn't a problem now but I'd still like to maximize my intensity in each set which takes massive amounts of stamina. I may switch it up this week and try some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

On the other hand, I took a good step back today in my poker progress. It has been the second time this month where I have run a good percentage below EV. I don't really want to post the exact numbers because I think too many poker players use those numbers as an excuse to whine. This month has been quite the roller coaster with big winning days and big losing days. The only encouragement to be taken from this is on my winning days, I'm both playing well and running well. The big losing days are usually a result of running poorly in pots over 200bb's.

One thing I want to work on and add to my game is the sense of when to call it quits. In February, I did a really good job of this. Rather than try and push my hours, if I wasn't feeling it I would pick up and leave regardless of if I was down or up or how long I was playing. I think the biggest overlooked weakness in many players is their ability to quit when things aren't going their way. The game will always be there tomorrow and taking the rest of the day off won't allow your opponents to feed off their psychological edge versus you. This month, I've "battled" it out many times, usually when I am stuck early on. Unsurprisingly, I've only successfully climbed out of the hole once.

Anyway, I'm glad this month is almost over. It has been very swingy and after Vegas this weekend, I plan on taking some days off, maybe as long as a week. Confidence is definitely one of the most under-appreciated aspects of poker.

Symphony Orchestra

2011-03-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

Before getting into what I consider musical synergy, I just wanted to continue updating a little bit about my MMA progress. After my third class, Briana noticed some bumps and bruises on my forearms. There were also bruises on my feet. It was awesome! Tomorrow I will be back at it.

----------

I was surfing YouTube and randomly found out that there was some YouTube musical competition. There were four winners and they each got a package deal to go to Australia and collaborate with another artist who specialized in a classical instrument. What came of it was beautiful and I really recommend everybody check out each video although they're kind of long. Here is the overall idea of the project:

And here is my favorite collaboration:

Enjoy.

Doing Okay

2011-03-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

Got through my 3rd session today. It was my first time using guards to set up kicking points for the attacker. It's way more tiring than it looks and requires a lot of bicep endurance.

The conditioning is still tiring but I'm getting through it albeit barely. There were a couple times where I had to take a short break to catch my breath. The hour flew by way faster than last time and the teacher didn't pick on me today.

I really respect some of the people in my class. They are there five days a week and never seem to get worn out. All their kicks and punches generate so much force throughout the class with little fatigue. It's only when the class ends do they start slouching and chugging water. I'd love to be able to adopt whatever mindset they have during class that enables them to keep going.

I bought a set of gloves today that came with wraps and a "free" t-shirt. I don't really know how to use wraps properly but I'll have to learn it in order to keep my gloves from stinking up. It feels like such an accomplishment to have gotten through two classes. The workouts are totally worth the price of membership. And to think I've only been to one type of class. I imagine all the other disciplines are equally hard to get through.

Session 2

2011-03-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

Miraculously I made it through my second session today in kickboxing. There was nothing easy about it and I admit I wanted to quit after 30 minutes. The only thing that kept me going was the "newness" of it all. I think it's definitely possible that I will fail my 3rd session.

Some observations from completing my first full session:

Eating a banana one hour before working out works wonders
The people you work out with make who you are; motivation is contagious
Kickboxing is misleading, it should be called the everything-workout

My teacher is pretty cool. He is an excellent motivator and likes to have fun. He refers to people by their ethnicity which some might take really personally, but I don't think he means any harm by it. If there is one reason why I think I will make it through every class here on out, it's because he won't let me quit or I will never hear the end of it.

Nutrition intake:

1325 calories
57.5 grams of fat
11.5 grams saturated fat
52 grams protein
3631 mg sodium

About 65% over on my sodium intake, but the rest looks good. I actually want to take only 65-75% of my daily sodium intake in the future but I think that is going to be incredibly difficult because I love sodium dense foods. I probably need to increase my protein intake to help rebuild muscle.

Zzzzz

2011-03-13T13:39:00.001-07:00

Daylight savings strikes again. I prefer the spring one over the autumn one because I like having long days. Now the sun will start setting around 7:30 and get later and later!

I got a strict schedule I'm going to try and follow before March 25th. It looks something like this:

Diet: Nothing really special, I have enough chicken and broccoli for another week. I also have cottage cheese and other snacks. Have to go to the store and get some celery and carrots for my chicken soup. Maybe make some turkey spaghetti one of these days.

Exercise: I hope to be able to finish one 1-hour class of kickboxing by April 30th. My goal for March 25th is simple - get to the kickboxing portion of the class. On top of kickboxing I want to try out some boxing classes and cross fit. It would be nice if I could get through the warmups for all these classes.

Poker: This is the big one. The reason March 25th is a "deadline" is because that is when I'm heading out to Vegas. Since 10/20 has not been treating me very nice, I'm planning on only playing 5/10 until March 23rd. I want to build up confidence before heading to Vegas when I'll be playing bigger games. If things go well at 5/10, I'll dip in the 10/20 on the 24th to kind of refresh bet sizing for bigger games.

Work: This is actually a big one too. Things are beginning to move quickly for coffee as we have found a very decent location for a reasonable price. I don't want to get my hopes up too much for this, but if everything works out (and that's a big if), we could start seeing construction as early as June.

This actually motivates me further to drop down limits for a brief while in poker to rebuild confidence. I always like to play with high level thinkers (because it's easier to break people who know what they're doing) but winning is more beneficial than anything at the moment. Any extra capital will help make the coffee shop better.

Beat Down

2011-03-11T18:17:00.000-08:00

I enrolled in a MMA gym nearby earlier this week. It's a great gym with some certified high level fighters at an affordable price. I think the most well known fighter/trainer at the gym is Dean Lister.

Anyway, I went to my first class today: Muay Thai/Kickboxing. I lasted exactly 8 minutes. I didn't even get through warm-ups. It was the saddest thing ever. I had to walk out of the classroom or I was going to faint, puke, or do both. I'm pretty sure my teacher saw me and thought to himself, "Well that was easy."

No quitting though. I told myself I had to try this for at least 6 weeks. This blog will be my report card. I knew going in that conditioning was going to be the hardest part. I hope I actually get to the kickboxing portion of the class next week.

Soul Crushed

2011-03-10T18:46:00.001-08:00

Played 10/20 again today at Palomar and swiftly dropped 5 buy-ins. Here are the three biggest pots of the night.

Hand #1

Effective stacks ~3k

3-handed

"Young man" who is great action player raises to 60 on the button, I defend K4c in SB and BB calls as well.

Flop KdQ4d

I lead 140, BB calls, villain makes it 320 more, I call, BB folds.

Turn offsuit 5

Villain has a tendency to pay off overbets so I just ship and he snap calls. We run it twice and at showdown I find out that I was drawing dead because he had KK. No matter how the hand plays out I am going broke on the turn.

Hand #2

Effective stacks ~3k

3-handed

Same villain opens to 60 on the button, I 3-bet to 210 with red sevens, BB folds, villain calls.

Flop K 9c 6c

I bet 240, villain makes it 480, I call.

Turn offsuit A

I lead 560, villain snap ships to put me all-in. I can't beat much but villain has some betting patterns and tells that lead me to believe I have the best hand and at best villain has a draw with no pair. I call and we run it twice.

River #1 offsuit 8

River #2 Qc

I was partially right in that I had the best hand. I was dead wrong in what I thought villain had though. Turns out he had almost no equity when he showed the expert Q8o with no club in his hand.

So now I'm stuck 6k and after some bleeding the final nail in my coffin comes.

Hand #3

Effective stacks ~3k

8-handed

The game is PLO and I have the straddle on. CO open limps, button limps, SB and BB both complete and I look down at what I thought was a sexy AdKcTd7c. I pot, everybody calls.

Flop Qd 9 2d

Blinds check to me, I bet 540, folded around to SB who check-raises me pot. We get it in and run it twice.

Turn/River #1 3 4

Turn/River #2 4 Q

Old man shows 9875 with the diamond draw and takes it down with one pair. Granted I wasn't a huge favorite on the flop but I think these types of days really make you feel like this is running super bad.

All in all a very smashing day. I've been having a hard time figuring out why I'm not beating the 10/20 game. I don't like to simply dismiss everything as running bad. As a matter of fact, I always think I make mistakes every session but today I think in my big pots I'm not sure if I would do anything different. It just sucks because it feels like I haven't really had a winning session in that game. The only time I won big I had some cooler hands and it was 3-handed with no old people.

Heart

2011-03-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

Poker has been a lot rougher this month than February. I was lucky enough to end the entire month without a single losing session and an unsustainable hourly.

March has been quite the opposite. I've put in five sessions and winning only two. Luckily the wins and losses offset so I'm breaking even so far this month. Every session I've played except for the one at the Bike feels like a roller coaster. Many times I go down quickly to start the session and end up spending hours recovering. Uphill battles are no fun. Winning when you're up feels natural, winning back what you lost takes will.

I haven't written about poker in a while but today was a special case because I wanted to document just how good the 10/20 game was at Palomar. I think there was a period of time where every orbit there would be 2-3 pots over 3k. The way the game was playing you had to be ready to gamble at any point. One of the players was really pumping up the action and he was not folding. Ever. I've played with him before in Vegas and he is great action because when you make a hand, as long as you size your bets correctly, you will either double up or come very close.

Unfortunately for me I started off fast then went down quick when I made a speculative call against the action player. In a nutshell, ~3100 effective starting stacks, I 3-bet my opponent OOP with AQ. Flop K 8 2 r and I bet 260. My opponent raises to 560 and I call. Turn 9h putting two hearts on board. I c/c 650. River 7. I c/c 1700 which put me all-in. I think against a random hand it wasn't close (needed ~35% equity, was getting almost 3:1, had to call 1700 to win 6340).

However, thinking about the hand a lot after, I don't believe my opponents hand was truly random. Given all the action, I think I can eliminate Kx and 8x type hands because I don't believe my opponent is raising these hands on the flop. I think his raise on the flop only makes sense with two pair+ type hands or air. But because the board is so dry, I actually think his raise on the flop is weighted almost entirely towards air, which makes my AQ a huge favorite.

The area of this hand that really requires attention is the river. Since the board did not pair and no flush is possible, we have to carefully eliminate hands that were bluffing but have caught up. My opponent most likely puts me on QQ/JJ/TT given action to the river so his shove is designed to make me fold these hands. However, hands like A9 A7 Q9 JT J9 J7 57 56 T9 T7 have all made pairs or better. My hand now only beats a small part of my opponents bluffing range. That range consisting of worse Ax hands QJ and QT.

At the time, it didn't make sense to me to call the turn and muck the river. But when I think about the hand now, it's perfectly find to call turn and fold river because the river changes a lot of bluffing hands into made hands that my opponent still believes he is "bluffing" with since he is trying to make me muck a pair lower than kings (which is never happening but my opponent doesn't know that).

I feel like there is a lot more I can dissect about this hand but I'm pretty tired. I'm pretty sure if I came up with an extensive hand range and ran it through stove, my equity would be <15% which would make my call a mistake. For those who are dying to know the results, my opponent showed J7 for the winning hand. I spent the rest of the afternoon battling back and booking a small win so the session didn't end as bad as it could have.

Hilarity

2011-02-27T14:54:00.000-08:00

I was reading somebody's blog just now when I came across this gem of "life lessons" if you will. Enjoy.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Oh Yeah This Thing

2011-02-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

Looks like I haven't updated this in over 2 months.

My general schedule every week has changed quite a bit since November. Instead of only exercising, I've been trying something new: diet. It's earth-shattering I know.

I've been trying to put in 12 hours a week for poker. As a result of doing so, I figure I should at least try to eat healthy. I really dislike fruit but I'm force feeding myself a fruit bowl every day. My sleep schedule is also slowly fixing itself (finally after about a month back from Vegas).

Things have been going well in nearly every aspect of my life. The only thing that isn't going well is these construction workers who decide that it's a good idea to start banging on ceilings and hammering walls starting at 9:00am.

The Rock Church has really impressed me every week I've been there. It has made me appreciate community much more. The next step is to find a small group and I use that term loosely because a "small" group at the Rock is as big as a congregation for some churches.

Enjoy life.

NYC/Boston

2010-11-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

Since we went to the East coast for such a long time and I didn't write a day-by-day blog, I'm just going to sum things up.

NYC

We stayed at Korey's who was gracious enough to let us stay for almost a week.

Best thing about NYC: Food options. There is always something open and good quality.

Worst thing about NYC: A-holes who think they deserve tip when I get a $2.38 tea to go.

Since I got the flu the first time around, this time was definitely much more enjoyable. However, I still feel like NYC is not for me. The pace is too fast and people genuinely don't give a crap about you. I personally prefer any big city in Asia over NYC because it's the same efficiency without all the attitude.

Central Park was beautiful when we went. I could not have imagined a more perfect day. The weather was worse a few days earlier and there would be no leaves left a few days later.

Rooftop bars are also pretty impressive and abundant in NYC. We went to two: Mé and 230 5th. Two different styles. Mé was very slow and quiet, just a nice view of the Empire State building. 230 5th was much more Vegasesque but what was cool was they had free snuggies to borrow.

We also went to Statue of Liberty which is cool but going to the crown is way overrated. I think it's cool to go there once (if you can even make it up) but after that never again. Here's a picture of the tablet in her hand from the crown out the window.

Boston

This place is definitely more suited for me. The people are unbelievable nice and helpful here. The transportation is not as efficient as New York and it's a tad bit colder. The food is not as great, but I think the history (even though I'm not a history junkie) and the overall feel more than make up for it.

We went to Harvard which was nice but even the air was pretentious. Everybody was rubbing John Harvard's left foot but what they didn't know was that students at Harvard piss on that thing on a nightly basis. Nice shoe! Here is a reenactment.

We went to Quincy Market which had an awesome Christmas tree set up. Holiday season is the best season!

Also we went to the Boston Common's which is no Central Park but still aesthetically pleasing.

Here is me posing with a thinking frog.

It was a great trip overall, but seven days was more than enough and I'm glad to be back in SD where everything is chilled out!

Consistency

2010-11-04T01:53:00.000-07:00

There is one thing every poker player can smell. A load of bull.

If you've played poker for some time, you begin to unconsciously apply what you learn on the table with what happens off the table. Today's lesson: how to draw out the bluff.

In poker it boils down to a very simple rule, if the story doesn't make sense, it's most likely a bluff. Novice players struggle with this the most. They start playing and they think to themselves, "I'm going to outplay my opponent this hand", drawn from the logic that made the movie "Rounders" so famous. It's as if you could suddenly change your two cards and make your opponent believe it.

In life, people try doing this all the time as well. It usually works out for them, until they try it on people who deal with it for a living. It doesn't have to be a poker player, it can be a psychiatrist, psychologist, or any similar profession.

When you ask people the same question and they give you a set of different answers, throwing anything that will justify their actions, that's when you know you have a bluffer. I'm not pointing fingers. Often times, the bluffer doesn't know what they are doing. They instinctively come up with some twist to make their story complete. They take you down a road of facts, then suddenly spin one aspect of it, and voila they are logically sound (in their own mind) but leave everybody else scratching their head.

I wouldn't say it's compulsive lying, but something more along the lines of compulsive reasoning or compulsive logic. It often times happens with people who struggle with differentiating theory from practicality. Everybody lives by some standard derived from a theory. They have a set of rules that they abide to that helps them decide their next course of action given a set of actions.

However, there is a problem. Theory is just that, theory. Theory cannot account for all possible actions in all possible scenarios. This is why there can never be a poker bot built to win somebody an infinite amount of money. There is a certain theory all professionals follow when playing poker - value bets, bluffs, ranges, etc. However, in any given scenario, certain theories may weigh in more than others.

This is where practicality comes in. What you do or say cannot be dictated by a set of principles in all scenarios. I would argue that theory would account for less than 50% of scenarios. People who live and die by theory are the same ones who often find themselves struggling to justify their actions. Struggling to get others to understand them. Struggling to understand themselves.

It's because of their obsession with theory. It's a haughty approach to life. Because theory can be so abstract, it's often impossible to prove or disprove. Therefore, if you live by theory, you could never be "wrong". Then you find yourself often arguing past other people, so convinced that your theory could apply to any given scenario.

Wisdom is the application of knowledge. Practicality is the application of theory.

So next time you tell a story or a cause of justification, make sure it's consistent and not some ideal that is developed enough to apply to a situation but vague enough where it cannot be argued. And if it comes to it, just admit your mistakes; fold your hand. Bluffing is a bad idea just because you have a fear or pride issue with the possibility of being wrong.

Church?

2010-10-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm really tired of hearing the word "Christian" being synonymous with "church". I don't really know where people get these assumptions, but I get the feeling a lot of people think they know what being a Christian is all about. It's funny because I've been Christian for a while and I'm still growing and trying to figure things out as I go. So how do people who reject God know what being a Christian looks like?

There is no verse in the Bible that says in order to be Christian you have to go to a building, attend a congregation, and listen to a pastor speak. If there is such a verse, I would love for somebody to show it to me. The Bible says do not forsake meeting with each other, that's it. So what if me and two Christian buddies are meeting up talking about our faith? There is no requirement of going to what we know as the institution of church.

There are plenty of non-Christians who attend church and there are plenty of Christians who don't attend church. There are people who go to church who do the exact same things as people who reject God. There are people I see as models who don't attend church.

Instead of asking Christians if they go to church and using that as a form of judgment, why not ask the tougher questions instead? The questions that actually have implications and substance. How are you doing in your struggles against sin? Are you obeying God despite things not going your way? How have you grown since a month ago? A year ago? Do you speak and listen to God every day? Do you depend on Him?

This post is not a rant for or against church. My mentor (who coincidentally did not attend church at the time) once told me, "I'm very thankful for the church. For most people, it's the only day of the week they speak and listen to what God has to say." Amen to that.

Victory!

2010-09-26T02:08:00.001-07:00

Point Loma

2010-08-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I have finally moved everything into my new place at Point Loma. It's a nice and small 424-sq ft. studio. The only bad things I found about this place is that it gets humid sometimes during the day since it's way closer to the ocean and you can hear airplanes flying over. Did anybody else just start hearing the B.O.B. song?

Other than that, it's about a 12-minute walk from The Rock and is really close to pretty much everything other than Fry's, IKEA, and Costco. It's so quiet here at all times which is so weird. Either the walls are incredibly thick or all the neighbors are extremely respectful of each other. I haven't figured which one it is yet.

I'm still moving some stuff around but here are some pictures.

Poker: The End

2010-08-07T16:41:00.001-07:00

At the end of this chapter of my life, I'd like to write about the game that has given and taken so much from me:

If I could do it all over again, I always say I wouldn't but when I sit and think about it, the answer isn't so clear.

The immediate pros and cons are obvious. Pros: Freedom, traveling, night life, etc. Cons: Late nights, bad sleeping and eating habits, etc. Something that I find to be neutral is the inflow of cash. I say that because whether it's good or bad is really dependent on who's hands it's in. There was a time period where having money was a good thing for me. I was responsible with it and it gave me the ability to do fun things. There was also a time period where I was irresponsible with it, spending it on overpriced material goods or excessive fine dining.

What's interesting is now that it's all over, I'm beginning to see more pros than cons. A lot of the pros are not immediate, you don't notice it until a situation occurs where you act instinctively and say, "How did I know? Poker."

One of the biggest pros I can think of is that poker has allowed me to do things that very few people at the age of 24 have experienced. I've traveled to so many places in and out of the country, I've bought bottles at the club make-it-rain style, I've gotten comped for RFB (room, food, beverage including alcohol) for 11 people and we were picked up and brought around town in limos; we racked up a $4400 bill over the course of two nights. They are things that you see in movies but you never think they're plausible. These experiences are opportunities that would have never been there had it not been for poker. I'm not saying these experiences are good or bad either way - the RFB for example came from an irresponsible decision I made at the Bellagio blackjack tables. I'm simply saying they were worthwhile experiences and poker was the enabler.

As I'm moving on to something bigger and more impactful (which I will write about sometime in the near future), I begin to look back and notice that there are deeper things that poker has given me. The one I think that will affect my life the most in the future is the ability to be a good judge of character. What I mean by that is to "feel" people out - know their motives, their strengths, weaknesses, what makes them tick, what drives them, what they'll do when faced with certain situations or decisions, how they "handle their business", how they carry themselves.

Everybody at their core has what I like to call a theme. As a poker player, you really meet all sorts of people with all sorts of personalities in all sorts of life situations. Because of this, everybody has a story. Some experiences that have shaped their lives and thus shaped the way they think and see things. I think the ability to recognize this is a big key to maturity and life.

The reason I even began thinking about all of this is because if you are going to do business, you need certain abilities and smarts to succeed. You have to be prepared for failure (which I am). I think the ups and downs of business correlate very well with the ups and downs in poker. The biggest difference though is duration. Ups and downs in poker can last merely hours at a time up to months at a time whereas in business, they can be weeks, months, quarters, or even years. I personally think that dealing with ups and downs on the hour requires a certain level of mental stamina and strength. This transfers to the business world very fluidly.

You also have to have a good read on people. To know your business is to know your customer. Who are they? What do they want? How are they different? Furthermore, you have to have a great marketing mind and the ability to not only think outside the box but to have the courage to execute. The difference between a successful business and a failed business is often decided by no more than a few key decisions and actions. Everybody who has been successful at business is "mad" to some degree. They don't succeed because they're normal. They succeed because they are willing to do what others are not, what others haven't thought of. Take an idea, improve it and make it your own.

Poker has also helped me realize my dependence and relationship with God. I thank Him for everything He has given me through poker. And even at times when things were taken away from me, I gained knowledge and experiences, often faster and more complete than if I had walked a conventional path in life.

Everybody's greatest strength is also their greatest weakness. To understand and believe that requires humbleness and humility. I don't think I'll succeed simply because of my previous experiences in poker or life. However, I do think I'm well equipped enough to give it a shot. Here's to the next chapter.

World Peace

2010-08-01T01:14:00.000-07:00

I think if everybody had one wish, their wish would be for world peace. I find this wish to be both very ignorant and mildly offensive.

To wish for world peace is to deny the very nature that makes us human.

Do you realize what you are asking for? Do you realize what needs to happen? You think that just because you're tired of seeing suffering and pain that there must some altruistic solution? People ask for world peace as if it was a matter of sheer will power. If everybody works on it together, we will achieve it.

I guarantee the day you find a genie bottle and wish for world peace you will find worldwide oppression. You will find a single, united dictatorship that controls the interests of all men, women, and children.

Achieving world peace means eliminating the differences that set us apart. These are the very same differences that give us culture, give us ideas, give us progress. It means one ideal or way of life is right while every other way is wrong. To think that world peace could be achieved by simply having everybody become more "understanding" of each other is ignorant; there are conflicting ideologies all over the world.

It's repulsive to ask for world peace. It's preposterous think it could somehow be achieved without harming anybody.

Psychology

2010-07-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

I read a couple interesting excerpts today from different books and while the material is not exactly new, it still inspires me to work harder at something. These excerpts are courtesy of Bond18 from the book "Outliers" and "The 50th Law":

The question is this: is there such a thing as innate talent? The obvious answer is yes. Not every hockey player born in January ends up playing at the professional level. Only some do-the innately talented ones. Achievement is talent plus preparation. The problem with this view is that the closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role innate talent seems to play the bigger the role preparation seems to play.

Exhibit A in the talent argument is a study done in the early 1990's by the psychologist K. Anders Ericsson and two colleagues at Berlin's elite Academy of Music. With the help of the Academy's professors, they divided the school's violinists into three groups. In the first group were the stars, the students with the potential to become world-class soloists. In the second were those judged to be merely "good." In the third were students who were unlikely to ever play professionally and who intended to be music teachers in the public school system. All of the violinists were then asked the same question: over the course of your entire career, ever since you first picked up the violin, how many hours have you practiced?

Everyone from all three groups started playing at roughly the same age, around five years old. In those first few years, everyone practiced roughly the same amount, about two or three hours a week. But when the students were around the age of eight, real differences started to emerge. The students who would end up the best in their class began to practice more than everyone else: six hours a week by age nine, eight hours a week by age twelve, sixteen hours a week by age fourteen, and up and up, until by the age of twenty they were practicing-that is, purposefully and single-mindedly playing their instruments with the intent to get better-well over thirty hours a week. In fact, by the age of twenty, the elite performers had each totaled ten thousand hours of practice. By contrast, the merely good students had totaled eight thousand hours, and the future music teachers had totaled just over four thousand hours.

Ericsson and his colleagues then compared amateur pianists with professional pianists. The same pattern emerged. The amateurs never practiced more than about three hours a week over the course of their childhood, and by the age of twenty they had totaled two thousand hours of practice. The professionals, on the other hand, steadily increased their practice time every year, until by the age of twenty they, like the violinists, had reached ten thousand hours.

The striking thing about Ericsson's study is that he and his colleagues couldn't find any "naturals," musicians who floated effortlessly to the top while practicing a fraction of the time their peers did. Nor could they find any "grinds," people who worked harder than everyone else, yet just didn't have what it takes to break the top ranks. Their research suggests that once a musician has enough ability to get into a top music school, the thing that distinguishes one performer from another is how hard he or she works. That's it. And what's more, the people at the very top don't work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.

The general idea that it takes 10,000 hours to become good at something is no secret. Everybody quotes it, but nobody really knows where it comes from. It's from this study. Nobody can get to the top without hours upon hours of work, nobody stays at the bottom despite putting in hours and hours of work. The problem is people don't want to work. Especially me. That's where the second excerpt comes in play.

Once we reach a certain level of mastery, we see there are higher levels and challenges. If we are disciplined and patient, we proceed. At each higher level, new pleasures and insights await us--ones not even suspected when we started out. We can take this as far as we want--in any human activity there is always a higher level to which we can aspire.

For thousands of years this concept of learning was an elemental part of practical wisdom. It was embedded in the concept of mastering a craft. Human survival depended on the construction of instruments, buildings, chips and more. To build them well, a person had to learn the craft, spending years as an apprentice, advancing step by step. With the advent of the printing press and books that could be distributed widely, this discipline and patience was then applied to education-to formally gaining knowledge. Those who posed as people who possessed learning, without the years of accumulating knowledge, were thought of as charlatans and quacks, to be despised.

Today, however, we have reached a dangerous point in which this elemental wisdom is being forgotten. Much of this is due to the destructive side of technology. We all understand its immense benefits and the power it has brought us. But with the intense speed and ease with which we can get what we want, a new pattern of thinking has evolved. We are by nature creatures of impatience. It has always been hard for us to want something and not have the capacity to get it. The increased speed from technology accentuates this childish aspect of our character. The slow accumulation of knowledge seems unnecessarily boring. Learning should be fun, fast, and easy. On the Internet we can make instant connections, skimming along the surface from one subject to the next. We come to value breadth of knowledge over depth, the power to move here or there rather than digging deeper to the source of a problem and finding out how things tick.

We lose a sense of process. In such an atmosphere, charlatans sprout like weeds. They offer the age-old myth of the quick transformation-the shortcut to power, beauty and success-in the form of books, CDs, seminars, ancient "secrets" brought back to life. And they find many suckers on which to prey.

This new pattern of thinking and learning is not progress. It creates a phenomenon that we shall call the "short-circuit." To reach the end of anything, to master a process, requires time, focus, and energy. When people are so distracted, their minds constantly moving from one thing to another, it becomes increasingly difficult to maintain concentration on one thing for a few hours, let alone for months and years. Under this influence, the mind will tend to short-circuit; it will not be able to go all the way to the end of a task. It will want to move on to something else that seems more enticing. It becomes hard to make things well when the focus is broken-which is why we find a gradual increase in products that are shoddy, made with less and less attention to detail.

To further illustrate this point, we have to look at "The 4-hour Workweek" by Ferriss. It basically breaks life down into laws.

1. Doing something unimportant well does not make it important.
2. Requiring a lot of time does not make a task important.

From this moment forward, remember this: What you do is infinitely more important than how you do it. Efficiency is still important, but it is useless unless applied to the right things...

Pareto's Law states this:
80% of the consequences flow from 20% of the causes.
80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time.
80% of company profits come from 20% of the products and customers.
80% of all stock market gains are realized by 20% of the investors and 20% of an individual portfolio.

In the end, efficiency and effectiveness is only so important. First there must be something worth working towards. After that, you have to find ways to accomplish it. Time is the most valuable asset, which means sitting on this computer and writing this post is not helping me so I'm going to have to end it here.

Yes or No

2010-06-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about writing a post about commitment but then decided it could be shrunk into a three sentences. I'm not talking about relationships, I'm specifically addressing to decision making.

Committing to a decision or course of action is not that difficult, your word is your word. Yet people don't like to commit to things but they also don't like saying no. Yes or no - pick one and stick to it, it's not that hard.

Life is so much more pleasant with people who understand and adhere to this concept. I sincerely thank you guys for your reliability.

A Complaint

2010-06-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to 7-11 with my roommate because he wanted to get some cigarettes and I wanted to get a snack that was relatively acceptable. I ended up getting a couple bottles of white zinfandels and an egg salad sandwich. I walked around the store for about 5 minutes before picking these items. It was at this point when I realized, "Hey, how come when I was in Taiwan it wasn't this hard to find something to eat?"

The truth is, there is a lack of healthy options in America wherever you go. It's kind of beginning to bug me because it feels like no matter where you go, you will be bred towards obesity. Just like "Fast Food Nation" portrays, the only remaining way to eat healthy seems to come from home. And even that isn't healthy sometimes.

I think general America does not understand what true "health" entails. People think less calories automatically equates to the healthier option. While this is not entirely false, it certainly is far away from the truth. There was a period of time where I worked very closely with one of my friends who is an exercise diet genius. Through this time, I've learned so many things that boggle my mind. While I'm not the best example of someone who eats the healthiest or exercises on a consistent basis, I do not think that discredits anything I'm writing.

These days every place seems to have a nutrition menu as if it somehow makes eating there more healthy. Of course, the real reason fast food and sit down places offer this information is because they do not want you to somehow hold them responsible for making you obese or diabetic. There's nothing wrong with this. What bothers me is that 1) most people do not possess the adequate knowledge to make the right choices and 2) America is the only country like this.

You order something off the menu and all it offers you are calories and fat content. Furthermore, there is a whole string of lies that the FDA does not want you to know. For example, by now everybody knows that trans fat is bad. Well how many people know what trans fat actually is? Also, when a bag of chips says "0g trans fat!" it doesn't mean there is guaranteed no trans fat. It just means that it's below the FDA minimum required to put "0g trans fat!" on the bag. Having "0g trans fat" actually means "<0.5g trans fat". It might seem like a negligible amount, but it all adds up to one big lie.

We are trained to think that no trans fat, low calorie, low fat diets are good when in fact you need to take into account grams of protein, carbohydrates, and sodium levels. No protein means high body fat percentage. Lack of carbohydrates means lack of brain function since your brain can only function off carbohydrates. High sodium levels can result in heart disease. This is only the tip of the iceberg. There are so many misconceptions about health that it's no wonder America is the most obese country in the world.

When I was staying in Taiwan (for only 2 weeks I might add) I was not particularly watching out for my diet. I simply went to the store everyday and picked out some stuff to drink and eat. Combined with some walking, I ended up losing about 2% of body fat over my stay there. I ate hot pot. I ate rice. I drank beer. But in general, all those meals I ate were smaller in portion as well as healthier. When you eat here in America, every portion is easily twice if not three times as big as in Asia. If you go out for dinner, it'd be difficult to eat less than 1500 calories, 50% fat, 150% sodium, and 150% carbohydrates unless you were consciously watching out for it. Even so, try going to a place like Outback or Yardhouse and finding something on the menu that is below those numbers.

I don't know what spurred me to suddenly have this inner rage against the American diet and health industry. Maybe it's because I go on diets and fail miserably all the time. I admit I do not have the best self control when it comes to food. But in all honesty, I do feel that if I did not live in America, my body type or lifestyle for that matter would be a lot different and I would worry much less about coronary disease, obesity, diabetes, my BMI, my body fat%, etc. What a great country we live in.

Blood Types

2010-06-14T13:53:00.000-07:00

Since it's all the rage these days, I found an interesting one. On a side note, are people really so lazy that they can't read a book filled with words but instead need a lot of pictures and short descriptions of what they're illustrating? I know I am!

I am particularly interested in the potential correlation between blood type and personality. I think this infograph is pretty spot on in describing blood types and traits; I know it definitely holds true for me. So far everyone I've asked has matched their blood type. To make sure I wasn't just "seeing" traits given someone's blood type, I tried assigning people to a blood type based on their personality before asking them what they were. Sure enough it still held true. It doesn't necessarily work for everyone because it's difficult to assign people to a single blood type (other than O) because a lot of A and B traits spillover to AB types.

Regardless it's interesting to look at. Click the thumbnail to enlarge.

Source: Phlebotomist

Maui

2010-06-07T17:20:00.001-07:00

It's a good thing I went on this vacation before going to Vegas and running bad at life because it probably would not have been as enjoyable post-Vegas.

Day 1: Landing
We land around 11:30am and I am very anxious about this whole trip because I booked everything in advance. Anyone who knows me for 2 seconds knows that I don't ever book anything in advance. Usually 24 hours notice is advanced enough for me, but this trip I actually got the plane, hotel, car, and events in order months ahead of time.

I felt very uneasy because I kept thinking what if something goes wrong. If I go to Vegas and I buy tickets to a show, I know I'm going to be able to see that show because a) I know the show exists and b) I have the perforated ticket with me. On this flight, I had an envelope full of printed papers, some of them without a bar code on them! Luckily, everything ended up working out in the end and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Only 20 minutes on the island and I swiftly got owned right away by the car rental. They told me these exact words, "Since you booked through Expedia, you can upgrade your car rental at half price. So convertibles and Jeeps are only $25 more per day." Okay, I've never driven around in a convertible before so book it. Minus $100 and I haven't even left the airport.

We stayed at the Marriott in Wailea and it was beautiful, right off the beach. They had some pretty funky water with a huge bamboo stick and cuts of pineapple on the bottom. It tasted very refreshing.

After settling in we headed to Lahaina where we booked a sunset dinner cruise. This was the first test for me because the sheet of paper I had contained no bar code, no confirmation code, no address. There was only text. We managed to find it and the guy who checked us in was super cross-eyed. When he looked at my piece of paper and the computer screen, he was literally two inches away. He ended up being a cool guy though and it wasn't too distracting to look at him since he wore sunglasses most of the time.

The cruise ended up being pretty cool overall although the food wasn't that great.

On the drive back, I tailgated someone pretty bad and got pulled over. My poker instincts immediately kicked in and once I saw the cop, I was 99% sure he wasn't going to give me a ticket. He was a bit too plump and friendly-looking. However, I had to make sure.

Cop: I pulled you over for tailgating. What are you in a rush for?
Me: (looks blankly at the dashboard then at the cop) Nothing.
Cop: You know how I can tell you were tailgating? Your brake lights kept coming on. You were right up that guys butt.
Me: (looks away from the cop and onto the ground) I'm sorry.
Cop: How long have you been here?
Me: Just landed today.
Cop: You been drinking?
Me: (Yes) No.
Cop: None at all?
Me: (3 drinks) Nope.

He proceeded to pull out his pen and tested my eye tracking abilities. I'm guessing I passed it with flying colors as he walked away and told me to be more careful. No ticket and my vacation continues going well!

Day 2: Wailea/Lahaina
Since we had spent so much money booking all these events, we decided that we would rent some snorkeling gear and go out ourselves for most of the trip. The water ended up being warm and clear which was perfect. Furthermore, I got no sunburn which is always nice.

Dinner was at Melting Pot and we promptly passed out.

Day 3: Napili
Breakfast was at The Gazebo which turned out to be super awesome. I'm really thankful for the Yelp community. Afterward we played a game of coconut checkers to allow our stomachs to digest before snorkeling again.

Napili turned out to be even better than Wailea. The coral reef was much larger, the water was clearer, and there was a greater variety of fish.

We headed over to our Luau which included dinner at the Royal Lahainan Hotel. I'm convinced that if I were to ever move to Hawaii, I'd start a business that only sold leis and coconut drinks. We bought a drink in a coconut for $15. There's no way a coconut would cost more than $4 to buy. We also saw a lady selling leis for $25 a pop. What was even more astonishing was that there was a line to buy them. In the time it took for us to move through the line entering the Luau, she had made over $800.

The show turned out to be alright. I'm not really sure how to critique Luau shows but it was entertaining. The food was great and we ended wasting quite a bit of food. I didn't feel bad at first but then I looked around and nobody else had leftovers on their plate. How do you go to a buffet and not have leftovers??

By this time I was pretty much beat to a pulp. All the snorkeling and driving was catching up. We fell asleep by 11 yet again.

Day 4: Molokini Crater

This was easily the highlight of the trip. We got this package where they take you on a boat to this volcano vent then turtle town, breakfast and lunch inclusive. The water ended up being quite cold but the coral was amazing here. There was pretty much no sand, only coral and fish. The captain was one of the funniest people I've ever met.

After the crater, the boat headed to turtle town which is what everybody was waiting for. Despite murky waters, it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Sea turtles are huge! They seem so chilled out all the time like there's nothing to do except swim by the coral and come up for air every 15-20 minutes. Unfortunately, the crew had a policy against touching the turtles but I got closer than anyone else to touching one. They had a 10-feet rule (which I honestly did not hear) and I was about three feet away when I heard someone screaming at me to back up. It looks like I'm almost touching the turtle here.

Recap: I've learned that while Hawaii is a cool place to go, it's the biggest tourist trap I've ever seen, even worse than Vegas. Remember all those pieces of paper I printed stuff out on? They turned out to be worth about as much as the piece of paper they were printed on. Both the Luau and the Molokini boat ended up have virtually no security. There was a "check-in" but there was nobody stopping you from walking in or getting on at any point.

For the boat, after you show them the piece of paper, they give you a plastic card containing the rules for the boat. After you read it, you sign a blank sheet of paper saying you've read it and you walk onto the beach. Once the boat arrived, you walk on and nobody asks you for your name, confirmation papers, or ID. It was ridiculous.

In the future, if I ever go back, I plan on doing much more "free" stuff. Who's with me?!

Intelligence vs Application

2010-05-27T16:35:00.001-07:00

This post may not be well written. After all, it's something that has been continuously running through my head and morphing for over six months now. It seems I cannot come to a conclusion, yet I am helplessly drawn to the idea that a conclusion exists.

I ask myself, 'Is it possible to intellectually understand something but not be able to apply it?' Surely at face value, the answer to this question must be yes. There are many things like fiscal responsibility, as a single example, that many of us know is a good habit, but struggle to live it. However, this is not what I'm talking about. In this example, there is only an issue of will power.

The best example I can think of obviously comes from my experiences at the poker table. There are many concepts in poker, beginner, novice, advanced, and expert ones. If, theoretically, there were exactly 1,000 concepts in poker, someone could write a book about them even if they did not understand all of the concepts. A foremost expert could write a personal experience of 800 of the 1,000 concepts, then seek out the remaining 200 concepts from other players. There is an inherent problem with this scenario of course and it is two-fold. First, how does one know there are only 1,000 concepts in poker? Second, how will they seek out the remaining 200 concepts if they have no idea they exist?

Because of these problems, you can never know exactly how many concepts in poker there are. However, let's take the scenario further and create two individuals. One is a novice player and understands 200 of the 1,000 concepts. One is an advanced player who understands 550 of the 1,000 concepts. On paper, the advanced player surely knows more about poker than the novice. However, it is possible that the advanced player is not as big of a winner as the novice player. There can be many reasons for this. Out of the 200 concepts understood by the novice, only 50 of those are understood by the advanced player. The 150 unique concepts understood by the novice helps him be a bigger winner. The concepts are readily applicable to his level of play. In other words, his level of understanding meets his level of play.

It's possible the advanced player does not understand some of the concepts necessary to make himself a bigger winner. The natural assumption would be that the concepts understood by the novice player are higher level or more advanced when this might not be the case. From a spiritual standpoint, I find this parallel very fascinating. At the base level, Christianity would be the same for everyone. However, as you walk things begin to change. Some walk faster, some walk slower, some walk closer, some stop walking, some sprint and burn out.

As I grow and mature as a person both in age and in intelligence, things begin to get more and more gray. Just because you can intellectually understand something does not mean you can apply it correctly. I can spend hours explaining a poker concept to someone and they would be able to regurgitate it back to me, but put them on the felt and they have no idea when to use it. Likewise, walking with God can be like that at times. You think you know so much about God that if someone were to give you a notebook to write attributes about Him, you could fill the entire thing. But does that mean you have a standing relationship? It's difficult to say because relationships are volatile and experience-based. It is not empirical, otherwise all husbands could ask their wives to write a notebook of what would make her happy in different scenarios and their marriage would be perfect.

I don't really know why I wrote this post, but it's just something that has been on my mind recently. I'm not sure how to correctly utilize this knowledge or insight. I'm not even sure if this post is more geared towards poker, God, life, or all three. But like the old saying goes, "The more I know, the more I don't know".

Project!

2010-05-18T23:21:00.000-07:00

Several of us are starting a project down here in San Diego, we're going to try building a Mario-themed dining table complete with six individual character chairs. The concept was conceived late last night and already today we've shopped around to see what kind of wood we want and how we plan on putting everything together. Tomorrow is the first actual construction day and we plan on having the table top done by Friday. I'll be documenting this entire process with pictures and hopefully we can all take a group picture at the end with the finished product.

In other news, I can't believe the Celtics are up 2-0 against the Magic but then again, I don't really care that much either. Am I routing for the Celtics? Yeah. Do I care if they don't win? No. All I really care about is that the Lakers don't win.

Hawaii is in less than two weeks and I'll be writing up a trip report as usual for my travels. I feel like this trip is going to be rushed because I'll only be there for four days and three nights. I feel like I could stay there for a week because I really need a vacation. This month has been really rough financially, nothing has been going right in poker. I'm taking the rest of the month of to build the Mario dining table and just clearing my head. After I come back from Hawaii, it's full steam ahead for a week in Vegas. I really hope to do well for Brett Co. investors, it sure would be nice to exceed the earnings from last year (although I wouldn't bank on it). If all goes well in June, I'll be returning for the full month of July. I'm not sure if Brett Co. will be open for that yet, but either way I'm so excited that the WSOP will be starting in 10 days!

Value Added

2010-05-16T12:06:00.001-07:00

As a poker player, you make a living pushing edges. The majority of the money you make will come from when you know you're ahead and your opponent doesn't. It's quite simple.

Yet, for some reason, off the table poker players are possibly the worst in the world at seeing edges. It's no secret they blow wads of cash for entertainment. To be completely honest, I've never reached this point. I've never tried to live a baller life. But I've never tried finding deals for things either. Usually when I want something, I'm going to buy it or do it.

I envisioned writing a deep, thought-provoking post about this issue amongst poker players, but in the end I decided I'm not as good at writing as others and I don't want to spend 7-paragraphs talking about how poker players waste money. Generally speaking, we just need to stop taking money for granted just because it comes so easily (at times). Saving money here and there really adds up for rainy days. I recently started looking up deals for everything I want to do or buy and the monetary results are astounding. I started thinking about all these freerolls online that I can play in because of my points and every time I skip one, I'd say I'm losing about $200 of value, with potential of earning many times that if I were to win.

Vegas and poker has deceived us all. I plan to fight back this WSOP, beginning with this deal we found online for rooms: 7-nights for $200 at the Wyndam Hotel.

Sadistic?

2010-05-04T02:42:00.000-07:00

Some days you feel like a genius, other days you feel like a degenerate. I can say with 100% certainty that I do not have a gambling problem. However, there are days (like today) where I really have to question my own sanity. What about these games intrigue me so much? I think in the end it's the fact that it's an art. There is no solution. And that attracts me to it like a moth to light.

This whole world is filled with solutions. Everybody who has a job is working for a company that is looking for solutions. Your work directly helps your boss or maybe even your company in a significant manner. The company offers a product and that requires know-how. It requires problem solving. What's the most effective way to advertise, to market? What's the cheapest way to build this product? Solution after solution.

I don't really believe in solutions. I know that sounds gaudy and abstract, but I think that is what attracts me to poker. No matter what the amount of mental pain I have to endure, at the end of the day, it's satisfactory to me. Because there is no solution to life. Everyone would like to think there is, which is why people want security. Control the future. In it's purest and rawest form, poker partially parallels how I view life.

I'm not saying have no plans, no education, no savings, no investments. Just like in poker, you need experience and a general strategy to utilize. What I'm saying is we love to be in control and it causes so much disappointment when things don't as planned. Give it up, because your going to be at the end of your life and wonder if it was all worth it.

Chill

2010-04-19T15:35:00.001-07:00

On repeat.

Short and Simple

2010-04-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

Regardless of the decision I make, once I resolve the issues that lie within me, I will be removing certain things/people from my life.

Some company is not beneficial.

If I could teach my daughter one thing, it would be "Do not gossip, there is nothing to be gained by it". If I could teach my son one thing, it would be "Do not be afraid to confront people, it is often the best way to resolve a problem".

A New Form of Pain

2010-04-04T15:59:00.000-07:00

Started playing a ton of Omaha/8 this week. It's such an interesting game because there are so many things to think about and hand reading is much more difficult sometimes.

I've been getting crushed at it after getting off to a hot start. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong specifically but it seems to be a combination of things. After playing a lot, I don't believe that raise-or-fold applies to Omaha/8 like it does in hold'em and that there is a certain range of hands you can open limp with. I think hold'em gives you a bad habit of trying to be too aggressive. Omaha/8 definitely takes more patience and finesse.

There are also spots where I should be bet/folding to a check/raise where in hold'em it's almost always incorrect to do so. Finally, I don't think I'm calling down enough with certain boards. I don't know, I plan on taking a break for now to study what I've been doing wrong.

Poker is such an interesting specimen. I use that noun to describe it because it's so fluid and is continuously evolving. There is nothing else that can make you seem like a genius one day and a fool the next.

Split

2010-04-02T16:16:00.000-07:00

My goal fell short. Already.

I never delete a post once it's made, but boy did I feel sheepish about my last post. I played reasonably well at Oceans but ran into some pretty sick hands.

I'm currently in a very torn state. There are many things that have me confused. I don't know what to make of it. I'll admit, about 30% of it has to do with poker but there's still another 70% that's coming from other things. I feel very demoralized and abandoned by God. As hard as it was to type that, it really feels like it.

These types of things usually get better or worse with time, but the one thing it never does is stay constant. I sincerely hope it gets better.

Goal

2010-03-31T02:06:00.000-07:00

I have a monetary goal I'm trying to reach by May 31st. I plan on putting in a lot of hours to try and reach it. It's going to be tough because I'm purposely starting with a very small amount (relatively) but I believe the goal is definitely reachable, as long as I put in the work. The purpose of the goal is three-part: 1) to help me mentally prepare for the WSOP 2) to allow me to play the games I want to play 3) to keep me financially grounded so I don't splurge. This means that the majority of my posts for the next two months will be poker related or poker induced. However, I do not plan on writing any monetary amounts simply because I think it's a distraction - although if you really wanted to, you could calculate/guess given the stakes played.

Starting with today..it was somewhat a step back as I played in the 5/5 game at Oceans and played terribly. I'm still up a bit overall from my last two trips but I was definitely disappointed in how I played. I was a loose cannon and did not adapt correctly to the table dynamics. It didn't help that I didn't connect much but still that is no excuse. I tried too pull many bluffs in bad spots, some of them might have worked if I had a better image. Overall, the result wasn't too bad in terms of amount lost, but my level of play was horrendous. I am ashamed. Nothing tilts me more than when I play bad.

My brother is going home tomorrow which means I'll be putting in some hardcore hours for the next three days. Break on Saturday and then either go to Vegas on Sunday or Monday.

Oceans

2010-03-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

I've been taking it really easy on poker recently due to job hunting but things are kind of at a stall right now. I'm lucky because I can afford to wait it out and just keep sending in resumes and seeing what comes back. However, my deadline is mid-May and it's coming up real quick. If I don't find a job by then, I won't be searching for a job until August at the earliest because I'll be at the series for most of that time.

With that being said, I still enjoy dipping my toes in games from time to time as shown from my random trips to Vegas. Most of the time there isn't really a game worth playing around here. I'm not saying that the stakes are too low for me or that I'm above everyone else. My definition of "not worth playing" basically means capped buy-in games. The stakes don't matter to me as much because I believe poker in it's truest form must exist in an uncapped game. I'd play in a 2/5 game or even a 1/3 game if it were uncapped; you can still win a good amount of money in those games. The problem is uncapped games almost exist exclusively in Vegas or Commerce.

There is the uncapped game at Palomar but I have some minor problems with how the game is played. It seems like a good portion of people there are soft playing each other. The only two people I respect and don't have a problem with playing against are Kevin and Arturo. They're friendly off the table but on the table I feel like they bring it against anybody and that deserves respect.

So outside of Vegas I really haven't been playing any games. That is until I discovered the 10/10 uncapped game at Ocean's a couple days ago. I decided to call them and see what they had running and was already out the door before the lady hung up the phone. When I got there, I was elated and disappointed at the same time. Elated because the average stack was well over 3k, disappointed because the average pot was about $150. It seemed like no hand ever reached the river and there was a ton of limping preflop.

As usual, everything changed after I sat. The average pot size quickly bloated to over $1200 after one round and I was involved in eight of them. I was very impressed at how quickly some of the players adapted. Usually bad players just let you run them over by flatting your raises but a couple of players started 3-betting within 3-4 hands. It was probably one of the most fun games I've played in a while. Fortunately for me I was able to pick up two kings in the first orbit and was able to foster my image by immediately 4-betting my first 3-bettor. I'm pretty sure he wasn't doing it very light, which is obviously good because that's easier to play against. He tanked forever and flatted then tanked forever when I bet on an ace high flop and mucked. He mentioned something about shoving preflop instead so he probably had two jacks or queens. Unfortunate flop.

Anyway here are some hand histories. Keep in mind I played 100% of my hands the first two orbits.

Hand #3
I open button with 76 to 40 and both blinds call. Flop Qs63s, sb c/c 70 and bb folds. Turn Kd, sb c/c 130. River 2s, sb leads 260 and I actually tank for about 30 seconds before mucking. Something just did not seem right, sure enough sb rolls over A4 with As.

Hand #7
I pick up two kings and open to 40, guy from hand #3 3b to 120, folded around to me and I make it 340 to go. He tank calls, flop A9x, I bet 450, he tank mucks. Boring hand, but good for image.

Hand #10
I limp AKo utg and a couple limpers follow, girl raises to 60, I call and another person calls, three way to the flop. Before I continue I have to admit I was very impressed with this girl's game. She's probably the best female player I've ever played against. She was 3-betting and 4-betting a decent frequency. She was raising limpers, double barreling, triple barreling, and betting pot on very coordinated boards. With that in mind, I flatted because I'm oop and wanted to see a flop. Flop T x x, I check she bets 120, guy folds, I call. At this point, I have the best hand a good percentage of the time and I actually have no problem just c/c her all three streets. Turn was another blank, I c/c 280. River I was planning to c/c anything that wasn't a jack or queen. However, river was a king and I decided to lead 580 and she folded.

In retrospect, c/c might have been better because if she's triple barreling I'll get more money that way. But on the other hand, I didn't want to seem like I was a weak lag fish who just shuts down against pressure. There is nothing more humiliating than checking that river and having her check behind then turning over AK. I know I personally laugh inside when I see other players do it.

Hand #24
Old guy I've been playing with who plays very conservatively postflop opens to 40. I 3b to 130 with 73c in CO and he calls. Flop KsQ5s, he c/c 210. Turn another spade. He checks and I decide to fire 440 to make him fold something like AQ or KJ. Unfortunately that backfired and he shipped for around 1200. I mucked and he apologized and showed QTs. I usually get really annoyed at players who apologize, but I was playing with him earlier in the 40/80 limit game and he was a very genuine guy so I took it lightly and continued chatting with him.

That's all I'm posting for now. Gotta get ready to go kayaking in a bit!

Groovin'

2010-03-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

I think I've discovered the right amount of poker to fun ratio. The past three trips to Vegas have been profitable and I think a big part of it is because I've really begun to try and balance my mind. Before I'd try to put in as many hours as possible and sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Nowadays I am much more patient and am willing to forgo some hours and just hang out somewhere else.

It's also definitely a good thing when non-poker players come along. When they come it feels appropriate to hang out with them away from poker because anybody who has watched someone play poker before knows it gets boring after a while. This means short, focused sessions for me. Afterward, I can relax away from the table so I really focus for the 2-4 hours I'm playing. Not only does it mean more profitable sessions, I never feel burnt out. I feel ready to go back to Vegas already and I haven't even been back for more than a day.

Along with time management at the table, one big rule I've learned: never drink energy drinks when you go clubbing. Energy drinks mixed with alcohol makes you think you can do things that you should not be doing. I'm down so much lifetime trying to play poker when I drink energy drinks. You think your mind is clear but you actually don't have a clue what you're doing. Once I kicked the habit, I found life to be a lot more enjoyable.

Anyway, the Vegas bug is definitely alive and running within me. It was dormant for a while but it's coming back strong. The weather is great right now, mid 70's all day. Anyone care to join our apartment the weekend of April 10th?

Coinflip

2010-03-12T14:27:00.000-08:00

The weather has finally returned to par, a nice and warm 64 degrees with almost no wind. Next Tuesday it's going to pick up and hit mid-70s for the remainder of the week. You can't ask for better weather, which will make leaving that much harder.

I had a phone interview yesterday and if everything works out, I'll have my second round interview sometime in the next two weeks. If I get the job, I'll be moving back up north for good. It will be bittersweet because I love this city but the position is too good to pass up. Anyway, I don't want to talk like I'm going to get the job already. By no means do I have this position locked up, I'm still hoping for the best so pray for me if you believe in prayer, wish me luck otherwise.

If I land it, we're going to have a fat goodbye party San Diegans! And we're going to have a hella hyphy I'm-back-in-norcal party as well!

Songs for the day, feeling some Phantom and Bocelli.

A Short One

2010-03-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

Got back from Vegas last night and had a decent length trip report written but decided it wasn't worth posting. To summarize: the HORSE tourney went better than expected as I lasted about 4.5 hours and didn't really get much going after the 2nd level. Cash games went well and I got to see some buddies; overall a worthwhile trip.

Our apartment and some other San Diegans are going to try and go to Vegas the weekend of April 10th if anybody is interested in joining. Muse is playing at Mandalay Bay and it's also close to Elliot's birthday so it'll be his birthday event as well. Tickets are getting kind of expensive so we're not sure yet, but more interest means higher chance of going!

Decisions Decisions

2010-03-04T11:56:00.001-08:00

Title: How We Decide
Author: Jonah Lehrer
Genre: Psychology

Ever get that feeling "I really don't know what to do"? How about that feeling "I know exactly what to do"? Decision making is such an integral part of everyday life, from working to time management. But have you ever wondered what lies behind it all? How does your cerebral cortex decide what you want?

I was recommended this book through someone's blog and though I'm not finished reading it yet, I think it's something everyone should take a look at. It goes through all the different types of decision making and why they exist.

In the book, a resounding study showed that when people shop at IKEA, people who "just pick" the couch they want end up being more satisfied with it. Those who spend hours contemplating all the features of each couch end up buying one that "fits" what they want, but they end up being relatively unsatisfied with the purchase.

The book continues by talking about how elite quarterbacks find the open man in a split second when in reality, it would take several seconds to decide where to throw. In the NFL combine, QBs are required to take an intelligence test, processing mathematical equations and hypothetical situations. At the end you are given a score and scouts look at this score to determine whether or not you are going to be good. What's interesting is that many of the top QBs never had high scores and a lot of players with high scores (i.e. Ryan Leaf) never even made a splash in the league. The argument of course is that there is something innate about being a QB, something that can't be quantified in numbers. Some can just "see" the play develop and find the open man.

The book also talks about poker players. It's a game surrounded by statistics and tendencies. There is almost always a mathematically correct play. But if you look at the greats - you seriously don't need to look past Ivey or Ungar - there is an argument to be made about the "feel" of the game. If you just think about it, how can a game revolving around cards and chips have a feel to it? It's hard to qualify, but there really is. Sometimes you just know what someone is going to do before they do it, you know what they're thinking and what they're trying to do. It's a psychological battle between you and your opponent.

Even moral decisions are covered in this book. The scenario:

You are the driver of a runaway trolley. The breaks have failed and if you do nothing the train will stay left and you will kill five workers who are fixing the track. However, if you steer the train right, you will swerve onto a track where there is only one maintenance worker. Do you do nothing and stay on track or do you steer right?

The study found that 95% of people said they would steer the train to the right. This makes sense because you are killing only one person as opposed to five. In fact, it could be argued that it's immoral not to steer the train right. Now a new scenario was given:

The same scenario exists as before but now instead of steering right, there is a big man on the footbridge of your trolley. If you push him off the trolley will kill him but it will also stop, thus allowing the five workers to live. Do you push him off?

As expected, people changed their minds, they would not push the man off. But what's changed? In both scenarios you are killing one person instead of five. The book divulges into the gray areas of moral distinction and decision making. This chapter was probably my favorite one in the entire book.

Other topics the book covers include having the "hot hand" in basketball. Does it really exist? People believe it all the time. How about decision making in war? If a target it coming towards you and you have no idea if it's friendly or not, what do you do? This book offers some great insight in decision making and it doesn't really tell you how you "should" think or make decisions, it just focuses on the "how".

Write More!

2010-02-28T00:33:00.000-08:00

Less than 48 hours removed from being in Taiwan and I'm here writing again. The post-Taiwan depression (PTD) isn't as bad this time around, probably because I'm sick with a stuffy nose and occasional sneezes. It's really difficult to battle PTD because there are so many factors that you have to overcome.

There is an enormous inflation of prices, anywhere from 4x-10x depending on what you're buying. This usually makes me consider moving to Taiwan after getting an American salary. Then there is the lifestyle. Today after dinner we couldn't figure out anything to do because after 10pm, there really is nothing open. I would say for the most part, you can find similar things to do in Taiwan and Cupertino, but the hours you are able to do them are different. 10pm in Taiwan feels like 10pm in Vegas, where you're constantly thinking, "The night is still young." And it's true because everything is still open, there are still thousands of people awake and walking around just like you.

I am looking forward to flying back to SD on Monday. It really baffles me how I feel like I'm always trying to get away from this place. Something about home just doesn't feel the same as it used to - most people have gone to other places. I sleep better and feel more productive when I'm in SD. It almost feels like being there gives me more responsibility. I really hope I find a job in SD so I can stay, please let me find a job in SD. The search continues Monday.

On a side note, I wish everybody had a blog and wrote in it at least once a week. It would be pretty enlightening to read. I think there are so many things you can learn about someone by reading their blog. What their passions are, what their struggles are. You can really get a "pulse" on someone's life. And if you blog long enough, you can really see change and development over time which is fascinating. I understand a lot of people journal instead of blog because they are very private about these things, but I would encourage everybody in general to at least try blogging; there is something gratifying about it. The only catch is that you have to be open enough and write often enough in order to feel the rewards of blogging.

Taipei

2010-02-15T20:15:00.000-08:00

It has been too long, around two years to be exact. Still, it seems like I remember this place like I live here. The diary commences..

Day 0: The new Eva Air
I was thoroughly impressed by their upgrades. Despite getting only 3 hours of sleep on a 14-hour flight, it didn't seem too bad. Eva's got this new remote control device that allows you to do three things: watch movies at your own pace, play video games, and do interactive stuff like follow the plane's flight progress. You basically have six movies on demand and it allows you to pause, skip, whatever you want. I ended up watching everything except "Paranormal" for obvious reasons. Why would you want to watch that in a plane?

The minute I get to my cousin's I get to see some friends I haven't seen since the last time I was here. I've been in zombie mode for about 5 hours but I don't care. I need to make up for lost time. We walk in the drizzling rain to the night market and I devour two bowls of 米粉湯. If you don't know what that is or can't read it, you are missing out in life. It's like going to California and not knowing what In-n-Out, Din Tai Fung (if you're in Socal), or Coy Palace (if you're in Norcal) is. People drive a long ways to come to Tong Hua night market to eat their soup. Oh well, I guess if you've never had it, you won't know what it's like to miss it.

Look at how happy I am in this picture.

Day 1: New Years continued
So we are in day 3 of Chinese new years which means everything is still closed. I haven't been able to get my haircut which sucks because my hair is beginning to look like weeds growing on my head. We had lunch at Ikari Coffee which turned out better than expected. I wish coffee shops in America had semi-real food also. At least more than cheap salads and random pastries.

I love Chinese new years in Asia. It embodies everything that matters in life. Many generations gather to cook, eat, and hang out together; it's so fun. There are fireworks going off every hour from different households around us. Everybody also gambles together, if not for real money, at least going through the motions of playing cards or Majong. There really is no feeling like it in America, not even Thanksgiving.

I was planning on destroying tonight at Majong but when the dust settled I ended up losing 90NT (about $3) playing for 10NT a point. That game is tough when everybody knows what they're doing and you are tossing tiles out and feeding everybody. Rest of the night will be a movie, fried 年糕, and maybe some cards. I am really looking forward to Thursday when I can finally get a haircut and then go sing karaoke!

Day 2: Always the worst day
For jet lag. The first night, I was able to stay up till 3:30am and wake up around 10:30am. Last night I was gone by 11:30 and I was awake at 7:30. It sucks because both my cousins sleep like I do in the states: waking up before noon is a crime.

Lunch was at the mall next door and the rest of the afternoon (we got home at 3pm) was pretty chill. Did some P90 - yeah that's right I brought it with me, that's dedication! - and played some online games with my cousins. Dinner is at one of my favorite places across the street, it's like a cross between Verde, A&J's, and Ophelia's if anyone remembers the place that used to be next to Marina's. They got giant sized drinks and they serve single portion hot pot or beef noodle soup among many other various small snacks. It's a great price too, you can usually get away with spending about $6 for food and drinks. It's a great place to chill or play cards or whatever you fancy.

Day 3: HAIRCUT!
Yes, this is going to be the highlight of my day. We're going to take a 'before' and 'after' picture to see just how ridiculous my hair has gotten. I think I've officially gotten over my jetlag because I woke up at 12:30pm today and guess who else was awake? Yeah nobody.

It's surprisingly cold in Taiwan right now and I'm actually getting somewhat sick. My inside of my nose has that itchy feeling you always get when you are about the sneeze. It usually results from dust causing congestion but my cousin's place is super clean and I've been blowing my nose to no avail.

The plan after my awesome haircut today is going to be eat some Japanese grilled BBQ old school! They bring out red hot rocks to put under your grill and you really get that authentic feel. Add on some beer and life could not be better. After lunch we're heading to KTV to meet up with the kids who were in Sweden with Carrie. I haven't seen them since Sweden and she hasn't seen them since she got back so it should be a fun, small reunion.

Day 4: King of the hill
There is no comparison to KTV in Asia. I can't speak for any other countries, but Taiwan is the best I've been to. Yesterday's place had a cafeteria with really decent food along with the normal amenities: music videos, high quality sound, high quality mics. There's something about having authentic music videos that really gets me. I can't stand it when I go karaoke in America and you have a black screen with yellow lyrics on it or even worse, some 80's girl in a bathing suit looking out into the ocean. I mean it's just a buzz kill, kind of like going to a terrible bar with overpriced drinks and bad music.

Lunch was at Mos Burger and it was ridiculously good. I'm not sure if any exist in the states but I've never seen one there. It originated in Japan and it's all over Asia now. It's kind of like In-n-Out with more variety but lower quality. My cousin ordered me a jalapeno chili cheeseburger which was better than anything you can get at Jack in the Box or Carl's Jr. Best thing about this place other than being open 24 hours? Burgers are only $2.50.

Party tonight with some Taiwan Beer gold label and snacks. FWIW Ten Ren Tea in Taiwan is amazing. The pearls here are out of this world. I seriously might be unable to drink it in the states ever again.

Day 5: 鼎王
Today is a big day. Two years ago when I was in Taipei, this new hot pot place opened that originated from mid-Taiwan. The place was absolutely nuts. If you wanted to make a reservation, you'd have to do in months - not weeks or days - in advance. If you wanted to go for open seating, you'd have to go at 2pm to get a seat at 8pm. I mean if you thought Boiling Crab was bad, this is literally 4 or 5 times worse. On the final night of my trip we went out to get it to take home (which took about an hour) and sure enough, the hype was real. In a way I can't describe, it was the most savory hot pot I've ever had. Unfortunately, I could only eat it for maybe 20 minutes because I had to rush to the airport for my flight back home.

It's similar to a movie plot where a boy meets a girl in a subway. Great conversation, great chemistry. Before you know it, a horde of people squeeze through and the two get separated, only knowing each others first name and never knowing if they'd ever see each other again. I have been waiting to come back to this place for years, already forgetting the flavors that I once enjoyed. It's like the boy looking for the girl in the movie except not remember what she looked like but trusting in himself that when he sees her again, he will know. Ok maybe it's not that bad, but I could write a poem about this place, seriously.

Today at 11:30am, we met again.

Dinner was with my dad's side of the family but we all went. It was a bit overwhelming because my dad has six siblings and five of them were there. A lot of small talk and fake smiles later, dinner came to an end. A depressing conversation occurred between one of my uncles and myself. We are pretty chill so we joke around a lot and tonight he went straight to the point and told me, "You gained weight again." There are so many things this short sentence entails. First, I did mad cardio before I came to Taiwan so I was not at my fattest point. Second, I lost more weight eating non-American portions of food, so way less caloric intake. Third, I walk almost everywhere here so additional weight lost. Fourth, what's with the "again" at the end?! Adding insult to injury.

Day 6: 淡水 and a new music video
I guess I would describe this place as old town Taiwan, about 45 minutes north of Taipei by the MRT. It's got a lot of traditional food that you can't find anywhere else but it also has a lot of modern stuff. It's located right on the shore of north Taiwan so a lot of couples go there. I am prepared to eat as much as possible today.

As advertised, we ended up eating non-stop for pretty much the entire afternoon; snack after snack. However, oddly enough it wasn't overwhelming. All of us were content the entire time but none of us were bloated. I also got to experience a ten minute boat ride that felt a lot like a roller coaster. There were times were we were flying in the air because the waves picked up. To be honest I kind of wish we were going faster so we could pick up more air.

After we got back we ended up KTV-ing again which was good practice for my terrible voice. One of the main reasons I enjoy going is because people always sing whatever the new hot songs are which helps me kind of keep up with new Chinese music. The past couple times we went we sang a 13-minute song that is literally made up of several lines from 20 to 25 songs put together. It's performed by a Cantonese artist but all the songs are well known Chinese songs including Tong Hua and Bu De Bu Ai. When you put all the lyrics together and watch the music video, it actually adds up to a pretty heartfelt story. If you have time, here's the video - incase you can't read, you will need to know that the four characters on the cupcake liner at the end says "but it hurts a lot.." - don't worry it's not a spoiler.

I also got some new shoes somewhat spontaneously. When we arrived at the KTV place, I was told that my Rainbows were not welcome - yes they have dress codes for these places in Taiwan - but since I was planning on buying new shoes anyway, I figure why not buy them tonight? We were already in one of the biggest shopping districts so my friend took me around the corner and I got some classic Adidas shoes with the turtle shell cap in the front.

Day 7: Ramen, shopping, and TV shows
We went for ramen for lunch and as difficult as it is for me to say, it was on the same level if not slightly better than Tajima. After that was an entire afternoon of shopping in East side. It's where all the college kids go because they sell high end brands like Bathing Ape and a bunch of other stuff I've never seen and can't afford. There was a line of about 20 people for Ape which was quite stunning. I really don't get how you can spend $100 on a t-shirt and feel good about yourself afterwards.

The night continued with dim sum for dinner and a short bus ride home. Some people just came over and I'm beginning to think my cousin's house is a lot like Willie's house back at home. People just call her and come over; it's pretty convenient for us to see everyone this way.

We watched some Chinese talk shows and they're totally different than the states. They come with sound effects and words that pop up on the screen. Reminds me of Batman in the 1960s but in a non-dorky way; it makes everything funnier. Anyway, one of the shows is called, "Are you a college student yet?" and they have a bunch of different sketches and competitions involving college students. It's a very lighthearted show, comparable to a talk show in America. Tonight they had a "hotness" competition, putting two girls at a time from different attributes - sexy, cute, etc. - behind blinds and slowly roll them up from legs to body to face. A panel of students act as judges and they break down the two girls, deciding who has hotter legs, body, and face. At the end they vote on who is hotter overall then move on to the next attribute with new girls. This show sounds really shallow and it totally wouldn't fly in the states but let's be honest, it's not because we are classier, we just take it to magazines and websites like hotornot.com instead.

Day 8: A story of foolishness from my youth
I fell asleep with a mosquito in my room last night and woke up with 5 bites. This is extremely annoying because I take pride in the fact that I have not been bitten by a mosquito in Taiwan after I worked here for a summer. It's how you differentiate between a "tourist" and a "local".

One of my really old friends just got married in December. We never hung out a lot after 10th grade but we always kept in touch over the years through email. Seeing him get married gives me so many mixed feelings from joy to nostalgia to regret. I am first and foremost extremely happy for him and his wife, I don't think I knew anybody who had a heart like him. There used to be four of us who I guess "ran together" starting from 5th grade through 10th. Now, all four of us don't really hang out with each other and we're all in different places. One's married, one went to play poker, one got into drugs, and one is kind of unsocial I guess you could say. My 6th grade teacher told our parents that he thought we would all be good friends for life, but high school and college does funny things to people.

While the splitting up of our group was somewhat natural and one of those things that just sort of happened once we reached high school and met new people, I actually remained close friends with the person who just got married. I used to go to his house frequently during lunch or after school. We got along great but I can distinctly say there was a point in high school where I actively chose to hang out with other kids over him and it really has to be one of the most retarded, regretful things I've ever done in my life. Everybody wants to be cool in high school and I wouldn't say either of us were popular early on in. It's just not something we cared about, but things always change. I chose to hang out with "more popular" people instead of just sticking it through with him and as a result, we lost touch over 11th and 12th grade.

We both went to different colleges but I would visit his college because a lot of my friends went there as well. When I did go, we'd always try to meet up and though things were never really quite the same, we still had great times hanging out. He stayed studious throughout college and went on to pursue a masters in bio med while I dropped out to play poker. The only reason we even began talking again was because he had heard that I was playing cards professionally and emailed me about it. He's probably one of the very, very few people that I actually spent time talking about what was going on with poker and school and life at the time. Most people ask because they want to hear some crazy story, some absurd amount of money, or just something to entertain themselves with. This guy I thought genuinely felt the same way I did: that we were great friends and never really had a fall out per say but definitely lost touch through the years.

What different roads we took. I haven't talked to him for a while, but I know he was a man of faith in high school. Nothing he has said or done tells me that has changed. Maybe, hopefully, this can be a commonality that will cause us to meet paths once again in the future. A part of me thinks that if there were such a thing as parallel universes, I would still be great friends with him and be on a similar career/family path. I loved bio in high school and had a knack for it; it just made sense to me. Some of the decisions I've made - like not majoring in bio - felt like 50/50 decisions but only in retrospect. The timing of my life always felt off by a couple years for everything I did. I easily could have ended up in different circumstances had some small things gone a different way. But I try not to question the man upstairs because I know that when all is said and done, the timing of everything was right on cue.

Some more new music.

Day 9: 九份 & 基隆
Went to northern Taiwan today. 九份 had a very traditional feel to it like it's remained untouched for years. The name of the town comes from a long time ago when only nine families lived on this hill. When one of the families went down to buy groceries or materials they would buy nine portions to help each other out. It's very peaceful and has great scenery; you can see hills covered in fog for miles.

The second place we went to was 基隆 and it's a place with lots and lots of food. It's inaccessible by MRT, only by car, scooter, or train, yet there are tons of people there because the food is that good. They have so many specialties that are specific to 基隆 it was quite an experience for my stomach. I had pot stickers, 肉圓, pig ears, and 鐤邊銼. In total the food cost only 165NT which is less than 8 bucks! I'm definitely going to add this place to my must-go list for future visits.

More music by 丁噹 which sums up my thoughts at the moment.

And a nice duet!

Day 10: Who can survive?
As my days here come to an end, I am constantly reminded how much I enjoy being here. There really is nothing I don't enjoy (other than the semi-polluted air) from food to entertainment. However, when I'm chatting online and am asked how Taiwan is, there is some disconnect. It seems food is the only thing people can relate to. After that, people just don't seem to care.

I'd say I'm more "Chinese" than most people I know in that I can understand the culture and humor here but my English is still better than my Chinese. Is this something I'm proud of? I'd say so. It takes a lot to have so much interest in another culture and it's not like Asia is that far from us, it's our heritage. Imagine trying to understand South African culture or something like that. But even so, I find that there are very few Asian people who care about Asian culture. Is that weird or what?

Other ethnicities are fascinated with our culture and yet it seems like many of us are ashamed or uninterested in it. When people talk about Europe or South America, suddenly everyone is excited. "Oh wow, this is what siesta is like in Spain?" "Cool, this is what Mardi Gras is like in Brazil?" But Asian culture? Ew, you fob, gross. Like being from Asia is a bad thing. I'm not saying we should all go out and try to dress and talk like we grew up in Asia, but at least not be repulsed by our heritage, our roots. We automatically have negative association with anything that has to do with fobs that we don't bother learning anything other than survival Chinese - 你好 - and the names of different foods we want to eat. If someone were to put you in Italy, wouldn't you want to learn Italian beyond "ciao" and figure out the difference between table wine and grand cru? Why is it any different here?

Let's list some examples of things we do: Nodding your head when a waiter puts food on your table, tapping the table when tea is poured, opening the lid of the teapot when it needs to be refilled. Notice a trend? They all have to do with food! Would it really hurt to take more interest in who you are and where you're from? Keyword: from. You can learn so much more from Chinese culture other than food etiquette. Respect, honor, and community are very prominent themes here.

Anyway tonight we had sukiyaki for dinner and it was a buffet. We had 22 plates of beef between the four of us along with veggies and noodles. Check me out holding an entire plate of meat with tongs.

Day 11: Leaving/Recap
Today we're going to take it easy and eat some beef noodles for lunch and hotpot for dinner. There's really nothing planned other than seeing people.

There are two things I want to really quickly touch on. First, I know everybody loves New York. But let me be honest and say New York has nothing on Asia. Ask anyone who's been here for longer than a week or without their family. Seoul, Tokyo, Taipei, and Hong Kong. Anything you can do in NY you can do here. The only thing NY has that they don't are Broadway shows and if you're telling me that's the sole reason why it's better in NY then you are unreasonable because they more than make up for it in other areas (see: food, KTV, cost of living). Anyway, I just had to write this because I get a lot of (mild) heat when I say NY is overrated and I know some people agree with me!

The other thing is a lot of times people ask me why I moved to SD. Or a better question is how do I know it's the right place? It's very simple. No matter where I go, I always look forward to going back to SD. There is never a feeling of defeat when my trips come to an end. I have my fun and I immediately feel right back at home.

More Music

2010-02-12T03:22:00.000-08:00

Found a new mashup song that I'm really digging.
The Hood Internet - Blowin' Money At The Deli (Drake x Birdman x Delorean) by hoodinternet

Also found a new site (maybe only new for me because I'm slow on these things) called "Grooveshark". If anyone is familiar with what "Spotify" is, it's basically an American-friendly version of that. I've found every song I've looked for on their server and it streams very clean and clear without commercials. Check it out!

Talk Don't Change a Thing

2010-02-08T13:43:00.000-08:00

Artist: The Temper Trap
Album: Conditions
Genre: Alternative rock, post-punk revival
Best song(s): See below

Ship It?

2010-02-04T03:11:00.000-08:00

I got something "big" in the works right now. I really have a good feeling about it, which is quite different than the previous times where I'd have to take it with a grain of salt. I know I'm being very obscure but I really don't want to let the cat out of the bag until it's time. I think writing about it and hyping it up will only make the crash hurt more if it ends up flopping.

Anyway sorry for a post that pretty much says absolutely nothing. I guess I'll leave a hint for my readers: it would mean me moving back up to the bay.

If it doesn't work out, I plan on doing everything I can do to move to downtown SD and live here.

Scared and Anxious

2010-01-27T06:45:00.000-08:00

My sleep schedule has been completely destroyed. It kind of just happened overnight but one random day I wake up at 5:30am and can't fall back asleep. I try to power through the day but end up falling asleep for a "nap" at 5pm and next thing I know I'm awake at 10:30pm. I guess this could be good for Taiwan.

I'm having second thoughts about my trip to Taiwan in the next couple of weeks. Something tells me I'm going to be super depressed when I have to come back home from having too much fun there, the life style is just so rapid there. I've contemplated many times about potentially moving there but I can't pull the trigger because I'd essentially have to make new friends and find a new community.

The job search is at a climax right now with so many possibilities. It's totally up in the air where I'm going to end up in the near future but it will either be SD, SF, or somewhere near home. Either way it's an exciting time and I feel very blessed to be in this position.

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I want to improve myself as an individual. Being around people you're comfortable with all the time really makes you let your guard down, which is both good and bad. There's certain things you can say and do amongst closer friends that you can get away with. But when you're put in a spot where you need to generate a random, small-talk conversation, you have to be engaging without being too personal. I find that to be a huge challenge because I simply can't feign interest like some people. Also, I don't know why but I just can't resist saying the dumbest, most awkward things sometimes (exhibit A: Cafe Venti). I might be too comfortable with the people around me and it ends up getting me in trouble around newer people. I'm pretty sure Hermann is in some way responsible for this!

I also think there are areas I can work on in terms of love, compassion, empathy, and sympathy. On a scale of 1-10, I would honestly give myself something like 4, 2, 2, 3 respectively. It's not that I don't care at all, I'm just really bad at expressing certain emotions (probably because my experiences have taught me to suppress them). Some people are just better at this stuff but I don't think that's an excuse for me. I hope my friends know I care for them deeply and more often than not, I'm willing to share/give them anything. That's kind of how I show my thankfulness I guess. I'm not really one to use words to make people feel better and sometimes it may seem like I really don't care much, but I think my defense would have to be that actions speak louder than words.

That being said, I do want to work on the "words" part and try to be more social on a superficial level. You know, shoot the breeze with people, talk about whatever, try to sincerely be interested in what they're saying and be excited for them. I'm such an internal thinker that 90% of the time I'm thinking about something and it's hard to have a conversation while thinking. It's equally difficult to kind of shut down my thoughts and just focus on the conversation.

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突然發現時間變的很倉促
爸爸媽媽變的互相不認輸
我放下相簿頭靠著窗戶
看著天空視線變模糊

Nan Quan Mama 南拳媽媽 - Zai Jian Xiao Shi Hou 再見小時候 Goodbye to My Youth
Pretty good song overall with nice lyrics, definitely worth translating if you have time.

Go Go Go

2010-01-20T22:43:00.000-08:00

Got back from Vegas and have been catching up on sleep the past couple days. I'd say the highlight of the trip other than the usual was the club. It seemed like everybody and their mom was at XS on Saturday night. I must've bumped into 10 other people from MV and about 15 other people from the bay area.

Vegas is really beginning to loose its luster for me but not necessarily in a bad way. I think the town has so much more to offer than people think. It's really not just gambling, sex, and drugs. It's not just lights and sounds either. You just have to get off the strip to realize it. Back in the day I couldn't imagine ever leaving the strip, now I can't imagine not leaving the strip especially for food.

The 2/5 game at Aria was amazingly good. Great people too. It's always nice to have good winners and losers, nobody likes a sore loser which is about 70% of the poker population. I got kicked off a craps table for using an expired license, which brings me to the point of how dumb the DMV is. This is my conversation yesterday on the phone..

Lady: Hello, how can I help you?
Me: Hi I sent in the renewal form for my ID about a month ago and still haven't received it.
Lady: What's your drivers license number?
Me: D123456
Lady: Ok what address did you mail it to?
Me: (My San Diego address)
Lady: Nope that's not it.
Me: (My October address)
Lady: No that's not it either.

And she just hung up. Are you kidding me? There really is no process to help customers out at the DMV, it's just get-everyone-out-as-fast-as-possible. I need my ID ASAP because I need to fly home before heading to Taipei in three weeks.

It's been a while, over two years, since I've been there. Something tells me I'll have a lot more fun this time than any previous trip because thanks to Sweden I actually have friends there now. Things to do in Taiwan: 1) sing KTV 2) hot pot 3) eat.

My diet has been on hold for the weekend but it's back to work tomorrow. There seems to be a big misconception between losing weight and losing fat. They're two very different things. Losing weight is easy but losing fat is damn hard. I've put myself on a low-carb, high cardio diet and exercise plan for about 9 days now excluding Vegas and tomorrow will be day 10. It's amazing how quick this plan works, but it's all about the long run. My goal is to keep it up until Memorial Day weekend and end up with sub-13 BF%, so I might be posting about it quite frequently to continually remind myself to push forward. Vegas really set me back about a week so I better get back on track because Taiwan certainly won't help.

I hope I don't fall in love with Taipei again. It makes coming back so much more painful. Speaking of pain, I really need to work with my roommate on finding a befitting church. Both of us are really lacking in community besides each other and it's definitely an area in need of growth. We got plans on which church's we're going to check out, all we have to do now is limit our Saturday night activities accordingly.

Blogging is so therapeutic.

This Quote Amazed Me

2010-01-09T02:32:00.000-08:00

What goes on in people’s minds? Everyone thinks writers must know more about what goes on in the human head, but that is wrong. They know less, that’s why they write. Trying to find out what everyone else takes for granted.
-Margaret Atwood, Lives of the Poets

Waves

2010-01-08T02:18:00.000-08:00

There is something strange about motivation, it seems to come in waves. Some days you feel ready to take on the world in all aspects. You exercise, eat right, speak well, work efficiently, and sleep well. Some days the world is just overwhelming. It's this annoying cycle that we all have to deal with and it seems to really wear people out.

Something I've realized though is that the people you surround yourself with are the ones you ride the wave with. It's really interesting and goes with the old saying, "Birds with the same feather flock together". I find that when I compare myself to those more "successful" than me, I tend to beat myself up a little and feel like crap for a bit, but afterwards find myself completely motivated to work harder. When I compare to those not as "successful", I get very complacent, which is the worst place to be in my opinion.

Luckily right now I'm on a high wave, still pushing all areas of my life into new limits. There are also a couple of private resolutions I've made and I really want to see if I can keep them. Lastly, there are some waves that are simply meant to be broken. You don't want to ride them at all but you do because you don't know what to do if you get off. I think for me there is room for some small "modifications" or waves to break to better myself as a social being. I had a good talk with my roommate today about it and I think we can do it.

Suzywire

2010-01-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

I've found a new addicting site. It's a collection of idyllic photography, phrases, and screenshots from movies. Some posts are peaceful to look at, some insightful to read, while others are easy to relate to.

If you like what you see, check out the site at suzywire.tumblr.com

New Years Eve

2009-12-31T17:24:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. The time where everybody makes a pledge to do something different in their life only to see it completely disappear within 3 months.

I never followed through on my new year's resolutions and I'm beginning to understand why. So this year I'm going to make a new resolution. It's kind of dumb to say it's a new year's resolution because a "new year" is so arbitrary when you think about it. This might as well be a "new life" resolution.

I want to be more self-motivated. Let me be clear, self-motivation is very different from ambition. I believe I have plenty of ambition in many areas of my life, but I really lack self-motivation. Ambition is what gets someone a high paying salary. Self-motivation is what gets someone in shape. I believe you need both to succeed.

There are always things I want to accomplish and most of the time I know how to get there. But I often have trouble going through the motions. The best example (and also what inspired this post) is working out. I wouldn't say "getting ripped" is ambitious the way "I want to be CEO of a fortune 500 company" is. But it does require self-motivation because you can't always have someone holding your hand. I understand the science behind nutrition, I know the loop-holes people try to find, and I know the traps people fall into who are trying to lose weight or body fat. Yet, I get so lazy and lack the self-motivation to pick myself up off my chair and go do something about it.

There are two things that can cause a man to change: inspiration or desperation. I think I have a little bit of both. So this new years, I pledge to up my self-motivation, not just for working out, but for all areas of my life that require discipline.

Hmm..

2009-12-21T08:30:00.000-08:00

Today I was reading ESPN Boston as I do every week after the Patriots play and I saw a quote that really made me think. When asked why Moss received so much heat from his game against the Panthers, Tom Brady responded, "My dad always told me, 'Tall trees experience strong winds.'" Now it's funny in a way because Moss is indeed a very 'tall tree', but from a philosophical perspective, it's really interesting to think about.

I've always believed that if you play/work hard, your results will speak volumes. It's true, but I guess I've never really thought of what happens when you're successful. There are many types of people and you will get different reactions. But most of the time I find that people will hate you when you're successful and that's a bothersome thought. You put all this hard work in, but the second you get there, the world doesn't give a damn about you, only what you can bring to the table. The higher you go, the more scrutiny you face. It's disgusting when you think about it and to know that we (some more than others) are all guilty of hating for no substantial reason.

What is it about us that hates to see other people succeed? We love to see failure and we love to criticize those who've made it up there the second they mess up. Tiger Woods for example gets all this heat for an affair but there are hundreds of athletes who are playboys. We imbued him with this image of perfection and stepped on him when he didn't live up to it. It stretches beyond sports. Poker, there are players I hate just because they're successful and I don't think they deserve it. I have personally experienced hate for the same reason. In business, people will step on anyone as long as they're going up.

So what's the point of this post. Am I trying to fix the world or reveal something that is groundbreaking? No, because people know it's there and there's nothing you can do about it; it's in our nature to be selfish. I just thought I'd write about it because it's a reminder (for me at least) that we don't have to lock ourselves in this cage and play by the world's rules. There is something greater to live for. You can laugh and say, "Idealist", and maybe that's true. Maybe when I start working and experience the cut-throat atmosphere of business politics, I'll step on everyone. But that's the point of this post isn't it, to remind myself what I'm supposed to be living for. I'm a tree that stands for a much greater kingdom, and for that I must be prepared to face the strongest of winds.

Pump It Up

2009-12-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

No distractions for the next couple weeks. Got lots of stuff on my plate, will update when all is said and done.

Last Name: Ever, First Name: Greatest

2009-12-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

After I made the decision to join the workforce, I looked at my plain resume. I remembered how many applications were sent for internships and summer jobs with no immediate call backs. In fact, I usually had to make a follow-up call to have any shot at getting an interview. So this time around, I sat for a good hour thinking about what I needed to change/subtract/add.

I decided to add my latest job to my resume.

It could have gone one of two ways. Either I would be shooting myself in the foot or creating at least some basic level of interest. Well, it was the greatest idea ever. After putting it on my resume, I find that people are very curious about this topic. It resulted in call backs and emails like I've never seen before. Sure, some of the jobs I'm applying to don't relate to poker at all, but at least it helps get my foot in the door.

And all this time I thought poker wouldn't be able to get me anywhere away from the tables. What a blessing in disguise. Or would it be considered a double blessing? First while I was playing and now after I stopped. Who knows, I'm just excited!

Purpose

2009-11-29T03:24:00.001-08:00

A wise man told me this weekend "there are two things that cause change in someone, inspiration or desperation." I couldn't stop thinking about it for the next day.

I find myself in a unique position to feel both sides of the spectrum. Many of the areas of my life will be changing in the near future and I think I need to embrace that rather than tell myself, "Poker was better". The game has given me so much, but I am ready to hang up my jersey and really commit to the workforce.

I am also in a desperate/inspired need to find a fellowship. Last night was probably the most fun I've had in quite some time and it really reminisced the golden years at CCIC-SJ. Just having a constant place in your life where you know who you're going to see and what you all believe in and are trying to accomplish are the same. It was nice and I think I took it for granted and did not seek out anything to replace it because I just felt like it wasn't important for the last few years. I am slow.

Beyond that, there are some other places in life where I find myself being pulled by both ends. I can't write about them quite yet, but ironically, I find these really are fascinating spots in life to be in. Things never work out the way we plan and I honestly find that the more I plan, the more things go awry. Not that planning is a bad thing, but I have a tendency to seek control and that is having false confidence in myself. So instead of writing these things I want to change/accomplish, I think I'm going to try keeping these goals to myself and if it's in His will, then great. If not, then I have the wrong goals to start with.

Thank you to the individuals who unknowingly and unexpectedly had a big impact on my weekend and outlook.

War of My Life

2009-11-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

Day 1 of job hunting was productive. I spent about 1.5 hours revamping my entire resume and another hour sending applications for two positions. I feel if I average 30 min/application, I'd be on a pretty good pace. Writing cover letters is really the crux of applications and I often find myself spending up to 5 minutes on just one sentence. Getting the right words and making it flow is no easy task, I admire all of you who hunted for months on end for hours upon hours everyday. My goal is to simply dedicate 15 hours this week. Next week, 20 and so forth.

John Mayer's new album is out and I really enjoy one of the songs on there:

It's symbolic of my feelings toward this portion of my life I suppose, but it's also got a catchy beat. Does anybody else think this album cover has an "Abercrombie" feel to it?

It's beginning to get really cold in San Diego and for some reason my apartment has little to no insulation. During the day, it'll be a nice mid-70s but the second the sun sets, it gets colder and colder. Sometimes I feel like it's warmer outside than inside.

Seven Pounds

2009-11-12T00:42:00.001-08:00

Usually with the films that I make there are ideas that I connect to, but lately I've been dealing with the bittersweet in life because it feels more natural. You don't ever get it really the way you want in life. That really fascinates me.

-Will Smith on Seven Pounds

This movie has got me thinking on so many levels. During the first hour and a half, I was completely frustrated, I thought the movie was jumping around way too much, leaving too many questions, and not going toward anything.

By the end of the movie, I was touched, moved, and nearly in tears. This is not to say this movie was "great" by any means though. I think it just really connected with my current circumstances, this 'bittersweet' feeling that Smith is talking about.

It's hard to imagine someone so selfless that they would essentially deteriorate their body so that others may be saved. However, something about the movie really tugs at my heart. Perhaps because I'm strongly considering making a huge change in my life very soon. I am going to get a job.

For years, I have been able to cut my teeth at the poker table, making a living from other people's mistakes. I have lived well, without question (many of you can attest to that). But something has changed. I'm not sure what it is or where it came from, but during the past two months I have had a change of heart. I realize I have lost a lot of my edge from before, due to lack of discipline, lack of work ethic, lack of focus. It's because I know I don't want to be playing poker for my entire life. I realize poker contributes nothing to society and in fact only worsens it by creating fiscal inefficiencies (i.e. tax evasion, monetary allocations, etc.) I've never really had a problem with it until this last trip to Vegas (see last post). Gary and I must have talked for hours about all these different facets in life and what really matters at the end of the day.

We've both done poker before. There are definitely upsides such as freedom and money. But the downsides are beginning to weigh heavier and heavier. The daily/weekly/monthly swings, the habits of living, and most of all, this overwhelming sense of lack of fulfillment. If I could play poker for 200k+/year or teach for 38k/year, which would I choose? Something about being to help someone, to tangibly change their lives in a positive manner, is worth an immeasurable amount to me, personally. Furthermore, I am a romantic at heart and a family man. I would gladly sacrifice cards and money for a job that is more conducive to raising a family.

That's why I've always wanted to open up a coffee shop. Everyday people have no idea what they are going to face. They have a routine, but nothing ever goes the way it's planned. The only staple of their day is getting that cup of coffee in the morning. As a worker, you are able to offer them the one stability in their life. That comforting, warm feeling. Think about it.

Anyway, as a result of this decision, I am in a state of flux right now, completely unaware of what I want to do, where I want to go, who I want to be. My mind has generated a series of tough questions for myself to answer. I know I don't want to be playing cards, but there are so many things I think I would be interested in. Business, teaching, even science. Obviously it's not that broad, there are specific areas I would want to go into in each field. However, the process is still difficult for me, considering I'm about two years behind everyone.

The movie moved me because each of those seven individuals that were helped in the movie were in helpless situations. They were living lives that most of us would fear living because of the mediocrity, the lacking of funds, the uncertainty of survival.

Part of me worries, this uncertainty that continually surrounds me. Where will I be in 5 years? 10 years? Taiwan? America? Europe? Part of me has peace, because I know I have great people watching out for me.

Dizzy

2009-11-09T01:35:00.001-08:00

Back from Vegas. So much stuff discussed over the weekend it's making my head spin. I feel so lost/enlightened/pressured/confused/depressed/free/lifted right now.

I want to make sense of everything but my mind hasn't sorted everything out yet.

On the car ride there/back, everyone in the car had something to say and we ended up chatting about everything from A-Z. Some tidbits:
1) Relationships, what we look for and how it differs as we grow older.
2) Life, how the meaning of it changes when things start going bad.
3) Work, is it a means to an end or is it a defining characteristic?
4) Ambition, where does it spawn from and is it really important?
5) Financial institutions, what they are and what they want you to believe they are.
6) Poker, where else can the skill set be applied?
7) Market trading, the answer to #6, how to get in, how to play the game, etc.
8) Travel, where we've been and where we want to go, is America really that great?
9) Credentials, what's a resume builder and what's not.
10) Free time, what to do with it?
11) Faith, why believe in God?

It feels like I went to a self-help meeting or something. I don't really want to go into too much detail about everything because I think a lot of it was pretty private/personal, but the list above is a good one to think about. The drive back in particular was certainly an eye opener for me on so many fronts.

Good thing I'll be taking this week off. I think some time at the beach and just walking around will help clear my head and digest everything. If you have nothing to do and are free, come visit San Diego! I could use the company. Online or phone works too. The more opinions the better.

Hype

2009-11-05T12:22:00.001-08:00

Going back to Vegas tomorrow (after being there for four nights on Halloween weekend) for the WSOP Main Event final table. I am surprisingly pumped about this trip because I think the energy will just be unreal especially with Ivey there. Everyone is on his bandwagon this year, no question about it. I feel sorry for the other eight people as they will have to hear non-stop cheers everytime Ivey wins a pot or is all-in. Anyone who knows the poker world knows it's no secret that Ivey splurges in victory. There are two separate occasions where he has bought out a restaurant or club's entire supply of Kristal. I'm hoping if he wins, he'll buy everyone in the audience a glass of Kristal (which should work out to about 500 bottles). If anyone can do it, it's Ivey right?

----------

Shooting dice may be the best way for someone to have fun, blow off some steam, and not ever lose a large amount. This past weekend a bunch of us went shooting and it was probably the most fun I've had in Vegas in quite some time. Just the fact that you're sweating every roll and cheering when it hits, it's amazing. I'm too used to always calculating odds, pot size, reads, etc. It's nice to be blissfully ignorant for a change and just "gamble".

----------

Action has been picking up in Bellagio recently. I'm not sure if it's because everyone has recovered from being burnt out from the long series or what. Either way, there were a couple of maniac kids at my table which resulted in some high level play. I quickly realized I was rather rusty in this area because recently there has been no need for high level play since nobody ever puts a chip in the pot without a real hand. These kids, however, were bluffing left and right and choosing great spots to do so. It was reminiscent of a 25/50 game and if they are there again this weekend, I look forward to playing some more with them again.

----------

After seeing so many billboards for Alien Jerky, we all decided to stop by on the way home this time. This place is brilliant. They sell lots of different types of jerky, merchandise, drinks, candy, and hot sauce. That's about the most random mix of products I've ever heard of.

Here are the two candies I bought. The star contains sweet ones, the blue: sour ones.

Like I mentioned earlier they also sell a variety of hot sauces and I asked him for the top two. We looked them up when we got home and here they are:

1) The Source - 17.1m (that's million) SHU (Scoville heat units)
2) Satan's Blood - 800,000 SHU
3) For reference, a standard Jalapeno pepper contains around 2,500-8,000 SHU's; the hottest Habanero: 350,000-580,000 SHU's.

The guy offered Eunice some of the second one on a toothpick. That's right, a dabble with a toothpick. Once she ate it, she turned red, started sweating, and her voice changed. If she coughed, I'm pretty sure it would've been fire. It was a spectacle to watch.

----------

After this weekend I'm thinking about taking a break for the rest of November and just chill. Not travel, but chill. Go to the beach some more, jogging, lifting, anything that's not related to work or spending massive amounts of money.

With that being said, I am trying to plan a trip to Boston/NY in the middle of December. The exact dates are 12/11-13 in Boston, 14-17 in NY. I think most working people can only go to Boston since that's during a weekend, but it's going to be awesome because we're going to go watch a Patriots game! They're playing Carolina at home so we're going to smash them and drink up afterwards. If anyone in Norcal is down, let me know because we already have lots of momentum going in Socal! If you need extra motivation, think about all the trash you can talk to me about how much the Patriots suck if you go. And imagine if they somehow lose..

NC/NY

2009-10-18T08:35:00.000-07:00

North Carolina

C'mon raise up, take your shirt off
and twist it around your head
spin it like a helicopter

Day 0: East coast!
Arrived at the airport around 11pm EST and immediately hit up the bars with Victor. Met up with some of his lawyer friends who seem to know how to party pretty hard. Bars on the east coast are so different from the west coast. First, they play rock and not rap or R&B. Second, there are literally a bunch of people standing around drinking beers and chatting, even the girls which is somewhat attractive. Nobody was dropping shots, everything was really chilled out which is a nice change of pace. There is definitely a feel of southern hospitality here. On top of that, the girls here are a different breed. They are attractive in a classy way, none of them are drop dead gorgeous, but most of them are attractive period. And this is done without wearing anything revealing, which is even more attractive.

You can really talk to anyone here and they'll entertain you, there's none of this "Ew gross, who are you? Stop talking to me" attitude that is so prominent on the west coast. Not everyone thinks you're hitting on them and you don't feel out of place at all despite being a minority. I actually think I enjoyed it more because the white girls here actually talk to you first (can I get an amen), and even the Asians here are extremely out going and extroverted.

The only knock on this place is the trees, I felt like I was back in Sweden. The night ended with Michael Jordan chicken and me being unable to sleep until 5am which is early for me considering I don't usually sleep until 5am PST.

Day 1: UNC, more people, wine and cheese, etc.
Went to school with Victor and met more soon-to-be lawyers. Everyone here studies like mad, it makes me feel smarter just to walk through the school. I actually attended one of Victor's classes and they spoke about AT&T and other big antitrust cases. That would be badass if I raised my hand during class and participated.

After law class, we made a quick tour of UNC campus which is beautiful. There are so many buildings and trees and people. It reminded me a little of UC Davis actually (gasp) except it "feels" better because it's on the east coast where things are "supposed" to be more nature oriented. Am I out of my mind or is there some truth to that? Who knows. Every building here is made of brick and looks like the others so after a while you begin to think you're walking around in a circle.

Dinner was Bojangles which was more fried chicken. I think I'm sick of fried chicken already. Every place here is about 10x better than KFC but still, it's not really my thing. One of Victor's roommate is a baller (literally) and actually got drafted for the Euro league. We were talking during dinner and he's played with a lot of the players in the NBA which is pretty cool.

After we ate we went to a birthday wine and cheese party. In the words of the host, "Let the pretentiousness begin!" It was very classy actually. They printed out sheets of paper to grade each bottle of wine and we had to look for color, identify smell and taste. Victor had a hard time doing any of it but got the hang of it later on. At around 11pm the party ended and I was actually getting tired which was exciting since I want to fix my lag ASAP. Unfortunately law students don't need to study or sleep, so we go downtown and go to a nice bar called "Top of the Hill". The birthday boy got smashed really hard. After he was already super buzzed, Victor and I introduced him to our friend LC and about five minutes later he was in the can. It's too bad he didn't have a chance to meet my other friends, the three wise men.

Day 2: Daniel's birthday BBQ
Lunch was at Elmo's. Not too big a deal but I had to write it because it wasn't fried chicken. We spent the afternoon studying/working at the business school on UNC campus. It's so nice it makes me want to go here for my MBA.

For those who went to Vegas during summer, we went to that Daniel's house. I use italics because he was very disappointing in Vegas, passing out before the night even started. Well, let me just say this boy redeemed himself, no question about it he can drink. And dance. He had Korean BBQ catered to his house and had about 80 people at his house. It was completely overwhelming. I felt like a fish on dry land (pun intended you poker nerds). I normally don't mind but I knew three people there other than Daniel and his girlfriend and just kind of clammed up. I was very disappointed in myself as this was a great opportunity to meet new people, particularly those of European descent. I'm pretty sure by the end of the night I was "Victor's awkward friend who doesn't know how to talk". I think the magic number for me is 25. If there are less than that many people, I am fully operational and can strike up conversations and meet new people. If there are more, I become a retard who forgot how to speak English.

We went to get hot cocoa afterwards and ended up studying/working for a bit. I've decided that I should stop working while on vacation because I never focus enough, I never win, and it bogs down the entire trip.

Day 3: Duke, Football
Today I am going to try really hard not to work. As a matter of fact, last night I decided I am not going to work for the rest of this trip. There's just too much emotional investment when you're trying to enjoy yourself. Victor just finished his draft and we're heading to Duke University afterwards. I hear it's very impressive and "smells like money". That came from one of Victor's friends who went there for undergrad so it's okay to say here haha.

Okay so Duke University did not happen because we ended up taking a nap. However I woke up to the sweet sound of the Saints eating the Giants alive. Suck it. Now we're at Caribou Coffee which is a nice coffee shop that I wish existed on the West coast. I think today will be a rather chill day since there is no work and no parties.

Caribou server: "I hope you tied your shoes today because this latte is going to knock your socks off!"

Victor recommends this song, definitely pumps me up for NY!

Dinner tonight was NOT fried chicken which was great. We ate at P.T.'s and they had amazing french fries, it's got lemon butter salt on it or something. I met one of Victor's friends named Dan who is quite possibly the most hilarious, animated person I've met in my life. One thing you have to know about Dan is he graduated undergrad from Michigan and he's the most hardcore Wolverine fan I've ever met. He spent all of dinner talking trash about OSU and how he would never send his children there, he'd rather home-school them. After dinner we all went to the undergrad library and he was non-stop laughter. He was talking on G-chat with Victor and our other friend Eunice and every two minutes he would stand up, grab his head and say, "Oh no way, you did not just say that. Eunice, you really want to go there? Okay we can go there!" Keep in mind we're in the quiet room the entire time and Dan has no concept of whispering. It was hilarious just trying to keep him quiet. What were they talking about? Who's better, OSU or Wolverines.

Let's talk NFL shall we? You guys knew this was coming. I want to thank the Titans for making my Patriots look so good. 59-0 doesn't even look like a football score. Brady's 5 TD's in one quarter set a NFL record. He's also only the fifth quarterback in NFL history to throw two 6-TD games. Awesome. This is just the game we needed to get back to smash-everyone-and-show-them-who-their-daddy-is mode.

It's 5am EST right now and I'm awake because of that stupid nap I took this afternoon. I have to wake up at 10:45am to take Victor to class, should I sleep or just power through?

Day 4: Sleep and eat
I chose to sleep and had trouble waking up to take Victor and his roommate to school. This is how my morning/afternoon went today:

5:30am - sleep
10:30am - Victor wakes me up, I drive them to school
10:40am - I go back to sleep
12:00pm - next thing I know Victor is calling me telling me he's going to lunch. I choose to sleep instead.
1:30pm - next thing I hear is Victor coming back home. I think to myself time sure passes by fast.
4pm - I officially wake up and start my day

After showering and brushing up, we had dinner today at the dining hall which was..well dining food. It could've been worse, but I really enjoyed the salad I made and the chili they were serving. Southern BBQ is really weird, it has a vinegary, peppery flavor. It's really different from the usual tangy flavor back west.

Playing around with imeem which is my new iTunes alternative. The only thing that sucks about the embed feature is that some songs are only 30 second clips while others are the full song.

Day 5: Calm before the storm
We're leaving for NY tomorrow and I'm pretty scared. I've never been and if it's as crazy as I've heard, I might be overwhelmed. The biggest reason I'm scared though is the price jump I'm going to face. In NC everything is relatively cheap and I've spent roughly $100 for my week stay here. $100 will last me about one day in NY and I don't know if I'm mentally prepared for that.

Graduate school is such a trip, it's just like high school. Being here less than a week I think I've seen everyone in law school, even if I haven't met them. You see the same individuals and groups over and over again. They also have lockers and host dances during the winter. The only difference is everyone here is mature and everything is self-governed. There aren't any pissed off teenagers vandalizing school property.

I'm helping Victor table right now for a bar exam preparation program. I feel so smart and important. Let's trick some 1L's into registering!

1:53pm - food coma. Eyelids are getting heavy..but before sleeping I must write that I hope when I wake up, some NFL trades will have been made before the deadline.

Day 6: New York!

There's nothing you can't do, now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you, let's hear it for New York

My last night in NC was spent at one of Victor's friend's apartment drinking beer. I'll be honest, she is an attractive individual, definitely top tier in Chapel Hill. So when we go over and chill, I never expected to see someone even more attractive. It comes as a complete surprise when one of her roommates come out. Her roommate had to be top three if not top one out of everyone I've seen (in my life..okay slight exaggeration). She was from Nebraska and despite being tall, had a petite look to her. Even in her pajamas with no makeup on, she looked like she could've gone out and won the Miss Carolina award. I gave Victor a hard time for not taking me there earlier during my stay.

Anyway, enough of that. Our flight is in less than 3 hours and I'm getting pumped! This Jay-Z and Alicia Keys song is perfect for the flight. I'll update again when I'm there.

3:42 am - landed in NY at around 11pm and ended up walking about 10 blocks to get chicken and rice. IT WAS DELICIOUS.

One thing I've already learned about New York: nobody here cares about you. No seriously, you can go die. The second Willie and I step out of the hotel, service and small talk suddenly become a foreign language. We tried talking to some cops (ugh the thought of cops leaves a bitter taste in my mouth) to find out where the nearest convenient store is. Their response (in thick New York accents)? "What, you want like water or something? Go get some at that stand over there." Thanks for pointing me to a stand on the street that I just walked by. We go into the hotel to ask and they tell us there's one at the corner of the street right next to the hotel. Thanks again cops.

We pick up a case of water and bring it to the register. The guy who's ethnicity shall remain a mystery counts down how many bottles of water is in the case..two at a time. Rather than counting 5 down and 4 across (thus 20), let's count 2-4-6-8 (who do we appreciate?). Then he proceeds to break open the case of water and take one bottle of water to ring up..twenty times. No joke, he swiped the same bottle of water twenty times. Everyone knows a case of water is cheaper than buying each individual bottle separately, but he didn't. So he charged us $39 for 20 bottles of water and we told him no way we're paying that, the case in the back said $7.99. He looks at us and goes, "What, you don't want this? Psh (roll eyes)" and drops the case on the floor.

I rest my case with New York and the big middle finger everyone has up their butt here. Hopefully it's just a 2am phenomenon. I mean I'm not asking for five-star service here, I'm just asking for minimal respect. I can see why so many people kill themselves here, nobody cares about you. Nobody.

With that being said, I will still maintain a positive attitude toward this city. I'll judge it when I fly back on Monday.

Day 7: Flu
Willie and I got chicken and rice at around 3am and when we got back I was using my computer when I had this funny sensation of heat. I somehow knew when I went to bed that I was going to wake up with a fever. Sure enough 10am rolls around and I wake up blazing hot. What a great start to New York. I went to the drug store to get some Tylenol and over the course of the day drank lots of fluids and popped pills every four hours. I have to say catching the flu has negatively impacted my view of New York even though it's technically not the city's fault. I blame the subway which is a festering pool for germs. Everytime I go down there I want to barf. I should also mention I bought Purell after I got the fever and used it profusely. By night time my symptoms included stomach cramps, dry throat, and stringy poop.

We did check out Columbia University which is beautiful. It has a real campus feel to it, when you're there you don't feel like you're in New York. You can't see any skyscrapers or hear any horns. It's like you're in some other place. We were meeting Carol for dinner at 8pm and spent about 2 hours at the bookstore trying to burn time. I fell asleep on a couch due to my immune system owning me and was waken up by someone who worked at the bookstore.

Man: "Hey, get up. Get up. GET UP. You can't sleep here. Go home man."

Now I know what it feels like to be homeless. What is up with this city and whatever happened to courtesy? It's like he thought I went to the bookstore to sleep or something. We ended up going to a crepe place and I got tea with chocolate truffle. I took about two bites and was done with it. I don't know why I try.

We ended up going to a Korean bar afterwards. I know I'm a trooper. If Michael Jordan can score 63 points with the flu, I can drink shots of Soju (which I hate I might add). I ended up having a beer, two shots of Soju, and a shot of Hennessy. That's like how much I drink when I'm not sick. There was this one girl we were with who looked like an Asian Alicia Keys. She was attractive in a ghetto way due to her cornrows. More on her in Day 8.

Day 8: Wolverine!
I sleep over 10 hours and wake up with a splitting headache. More pills.

We get ramen for lunch which was yummy, about the same quality as Shinsengumi. We go to Time Square after and check it out (yawn) and then go to Union Square (yawn some more). There really is nothing to do except look at stuff in this city. It's just a massive conglomerate of high rises. We go to St. Marks and drink. We subway back to the hotel and chill in the VIP lounge. Free tea, olives, pastrami, etc.

We go back to St. Marks to meet Victor for dinner when the fourth mishap of New York occurs. No joke this city is full of bitches. We're walking down the street and obviously in New York there's tons of people so you expect some bumping. Well there were these two kids who looked somewhere between 14-18 who decided they didn't like getting bumped. I walked past them and when they got to Wynn the black kid (who's like 5'2") intentionally slaps Wynn's cup of tea out of his hand. It ends up getting all over my jeans. The kids keep walking and we're just stunned by the classlessness of this place. Usually it's three strikes and you're out but it's been four strikes for this place (cop, water bottles, bookstore, this) and it sucks that I have to stay until Monday. I can see why so many people hate life here, literally nobody gives two shits about you. Excuse the language, a little frustrated.

A funny story to lighten the mood. Daniel tells us how the girl with cornrows from last night (the ghetto one from Day 7) is half Korean and half white and has no fear whatsoever. I forgot her name but it starts with a J (no wonder she's attractive) so we'll use that for the story. Here it is completely unedited including language:

(J is walking down the street and accidentally steps on a black girls toes. J is about 5'6-5'7 with a slender build. Walks with some swagger.)
Black girl: "Hey bitch, you better watch where you're walking."
(J swings around)
J: "Bitch, I will fuck yo shit up."
Black girl: (stunned in silence)

Maybe it was funnier because Daniel had all these hand motions and voices to go with it. Anyway mental note, never mess with J. I guess that's how you gotta be to survive in this city.

Dinner was at a yakitori place which reminds me of Japan. It was awesome and there were tons of people there. Average wait was 45 minutes. Average girl was >6.5. All is good. We go back to the hotel and I decide to go to sleep while Aaron, Victor, and Wynn go meet up with Dexter and Jeff at K-town. Apparently they got a lot done there and I missed out. Supposedly two of the girls they met there are going out with us tomorrow night. Well done gentlemen, well done.

Last but not least, why is the title of this day Wolverine? Because that's what I am! I am near 100% again already. I bitch slapped that flu virus so hard I made it's head spin. Liquids, pills, sleep = virus killer. Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow with all the symptoms again because that would just be some delicious irony wouldn't it?

Day 9: Rain and rest
Slept really late last night and ended up waking up around 2pm today. We walked to "The Original Soupman" and had a snack there. It was pretty good, but a little expensive. Rest of the day we just chilled at the lounge and room. I think this city is too fast-paced for me, I can't handle it. Dinner is in an hour with all-you-can-eat sushi and sake/beer. After that we're supposed to go to some lounges.

3am - back from everything. Here's the recap: all-you-can-drink "only" ended up with everyone taking somewhere between 6-8 bombs.

We immediately head to a pool lounge afterwards. It was interesting to say the least because it was a hybrid between a club and Santa Clara Billiards, it was also about 88% Caucasian. The place was nice though. About twenty minutes later, Myra ends up calling and says she's at a club that's literally a two minute walk away so we split up with several of us going over and several of us staying at the pool lounge. The club, called Aspen, wasn't bad, it had a very "snowy" feeling, kind of like we were clubbing in Canada or something. There were elk heads and stuff. Daniel went absolutely nuts and I saw with my own eyes how many moves he's got on the dance floor, very very impressive.

New York has no last call and most clubs don't close until 5am or later. That being said, of course the night did not end after Aspen, we headed to a Korean club called Circle. I guess it was called that because it was literally a circular dance floor packed with Koreans. I have to say though, this club has renewed my eye for Korean girls. There were lots of people who were channeling Hyori-esque vibes. They might be 75% plastic, but they sure are attractive! Anyway, after one nasty drink at the club and about an hour of dancing, my stomach told me we needed to get some food. I pick up McDonald's on the way back and now I'm back at the hotel. I'm pretty sure when Aaron and Wynn get back they will want more food, which my stomach is telling me I need. So hungry.

Day 10: Exploration via feet
Ended up getting 24 hour Korean last night. Today Japanese Udon for lunch, after that Willie and Wynn headed back and Aaron and I went to Upper East side. It was cool, Aaron had to go apartment hunting and I tagged along. We went up and down East side and across Central Park to parts of West side. I felt like we explored more of New York this day than the rest of the trip combined.

Dinner was at an Italian Restaurant called Pisticci and it had live jazz going through dinner. Food was mediocre but the ambiance was nice. Called it an early night in preparation for the trek back tomorrow.

Day 11: San Diego, report cards
Woke up at 9:30, flight was at 10:35. Rushed out the door and rode in some ghetto limo-looking thing that wasn't a taxi. It was some civilian who gave me no price to go to the airport. "Whatever you want brother." Okay. So I did research and figured the normal cab fare from East side to Laguardia is roughly $30, but since this guy sped his way through the streets (which I told him to or I was going to be late), I gave him an extra $20. He did not seem so pleased, I guess he expected more.

I make it through the 30-minute security check line and make it to my gate right as my plane is boarding. Two hour flight to Chicago. I board my second plane. As we take off I find out the plane is going to Tuscon, Arizona. FML. I fall into a daze of sleep. Next thing I know, I'm in Tuscon. I find out it's a three-stop flight going to Tuscon, San Diego, and San Francisco. I am happy once again. I make it to SD and am in a state of shock right now. My body has been through torture the last 100 hours battling this flu and drinking alcohol. My left eye has been excreting fluids all day, my nose is half stuffed, I have a dry cough that comes and goes, and I feel fatter than ever after eating all day and all night for the last two weeks.

Onto report cards..
New York City
Best Moment(s):
-Wynn continually saying "seriously" everytime he got drunk
-Wynn walking into the closet thinking it was the bathroom to throw up.
-Seeing Daniel dance off with some girls at a bar
-Columbia University campus

Worst Moment(s):
-Every jerk I met on the streets or in stores (see New York trip report)
-Battling the flu
-Filthiness of the subway, Asian subways are so much better maintained
-Running through the rain for all-you-can-drink sake bombs (see day 9), of course the rain completely stopped the second we got to the Japanese restaurant

Overall grade: 3.5/10
I enjoyed the city as a whole, but it was so reminiscent of Taipei and in all honesty, Taipei is better on so many other facets. I can understand why people like New York since it's such a big city and there's always something to do, but I guess I'm spoiled and don't really find that a big enough selling point. People are not friendly, weather is unpredictable. If I hadn't gotten the flu, I might have given it 4 or 4.5/10, however I am making it personal vs New York and it's lack of public hygiene! Food options are great in general.

North Carolina
Best Moment(s)
-Meeting all the individuals I did, Daniel, Daniel, Jackie, Joel, Eunice, Ceril, Peter, etc. Everyone has so much personality and character here, I absolutely love it
-Southern hopsitality, see above and imagine it everywhere
-UNC Business School, it inspires me to visit again and changes my mind about school in general
-Duke campus, money really does talk and build buildings as well
-Maple trees that start changing colors during fall, a nice blend of yellow, orange, and green

Worst Moment(s)
-Sleeping to Victor's deathly cough for a week straight
-Walking through blistering cold late at night
-My sudden shock of introversion at Daniel's BBQ(100% me, the party was great)

Overall grade: 7.2/10
There isn't much to fault NC for, but I think that if I were to stay there for longer or if New York didn't suck so much, I might get bored of it. My daily routine would consist of going on campus with Victor and working or playing or whatever. Then eat fried chicken. Then drink beer. Eventually I think I would spread out and try hitting up Raleigh and possibly Charlotte. Still, had a great time in Chapel Hill and I'd definitely go back. When Victor isn't sick.

Two Weeks Notice

2009-10-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

Before writing what I intended to write, I just want to lift up Edward Jon, one of my friends from Cupertino. He's been struggling with demonic issues recently and it's affecting his physical capabilities. Although I was not there myself, I have two eye witness accounts who were both present at Peter's house last night. Ed was experiencing physical tenseness in his forearm, spasms in his abdomen, and the gasping of air. He physically had trouble repeating any Biblical verses, physically had trouble saying, "I'm a believer of Jesus", and at one point was clawing at the carpet while every individual at Peter's was praying for him. It's really weird because I personally have not experienced or witnessed any physical demonic ailments myself, but I am extremely uncomfortable with any story relating to that. Anyway, pray for him and let's hope his situation doesn't worsen.

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This will be a short post. I'm finally heading out tomorrow for the east coast. I wasn't really excited about it until this week. This month of work has been extremely rough to start, so a trip will be very nice and relaxing. Same routine as Sweden in terms of pictures and updates. I'm most excited about bringing my new laptop on the trip with me because it makes no noise!

I want to eat some fried chicken and buffalo wings.

Knowledge Is Not Power

2009-10-11T00:52:00.000-07:00

¹⁹For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.
²⁵For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
1 Cor 1:19-25

The more I know the more I don't know.

I went on a long hiatus from listening to sermons online but I started again today with Miles McPherson who's the head pastor at The Rock in San Diego. If you're wondering why I'm listening to him online when I can go there (which I do) and listen, he's just a great speaker and I can listen to him more than once a week.

Without going into extensive detail, after listening to him today I found that there is so much about God that I don't know. That after all these studies, discussions, and reading the Bible, I really don't know anything. I confess that many times I overlook things because I think to myself, "I understand this already" and I can imagine God's response as "Well, let me remind you again." I confess I don't read the Bible as often as I used to, partially because I think there is enough on my plate to deal with and partially because I am afraid of what I might read. More convictions, less time, less "me". How did this picture get so distorted? Christianity is about a relationship and here I am doing my own thing, but pretending like I'm trying to do God's thing. Why would God bless me in anything I do if I'm not considering His will before mine?

McPherson spoke about fasting and why it's important. There are things you can never learn about God until you fast, until you reject that which you are conditioned to believe is essential. Food, technology, alcohol, money, etc. I don't want to recite what he said, but this was the main driving point that really made me consider my walk and why I'm at such a standstill (it feels like at least). It's not that I rely on these things or worship these things or believe these things will bring me happiness and security. It's the fact that I have not been putting God ahead of everything. Everyday I get hungry I think of what I want to eat. Everyday I remember I have bills to pay, emails to respond to, or websites to read, I go online and do it. So how come everyday I'm not reading my Bible and praying to God as much as I can? Surely I can spend more than 10 minutes doing that.

Had this song sent to me today, pretty decent/catchy.

Flash Forward

2009-10-10T01:53:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I loathe TV shows. Not that I don't think anybody should watch them, but I personally do not get any gratification from 98% of what I see on TV.

I've tried picking up many shows and it always goes down in flames. Either the plot is too repetitive, too predictable, the characters are too shallow, or there is no momentum in the story. The perfect examples of this include '24', 'Lost', and 'Lie to Me'. '24' is way too formulaic, just different combinations of explosions and levels of government corruption. 'Lost' has absolutely no point to the show, I don't know what story it's trying to tell but I hear it has lost (ironic) most of its clientele due to lack of progression in the story. 'Lie to Me' is the epitome of repetition; by the second episode you know how each episode is going to start, develop, and end. Granted, I've probably watched a total of three hours of these shows combined, but I think I can make a strong argument for why I discontinued watching all of them.

With all that being said, I was naturally hesitant to begin watching FF. I am now a convert. If there was ever a show I would try to pull people to watch, it has to be this one. The premise for those who don't know: the entire world blacks out at the same time for exactly two minutes and 17 seconds and catch glimpses of their futures (or flash forwards). It's a rather far-fetched idea I admit, but that's not why I love this show.

Within the show, there are many futures that are seen, varying from character to character. The beauty of this show is how it works around two central forces: past/present/future and flash forward connections. As the show progresses, everything in the present becomes the past (obvious) as everyone progresses toward the future where the flash forward awaits. It is not an easy task to keep everything consistent as the season progresses, culminating in the season finale, which will leave us at the point of the flash forward. As the series progresses, the audience follows the story into the future, beyond the flash forward. This whole concept is very interesting to me because you are setting a point in the future which will soon become the past.

The other thing that impresses me is the intricacy of the flash forward connections. If I have a vision of my future and I see you, then you should have seen the same vision, only from your perspective. This holds true in the show and it allows verification of different flash forward eye-witness accounts. The ability to make those connections and have them be consistent throughout the season is extremely difficult. However, this show has done a great job so far of meeting both of these standards.

I feel like a salesman at the moment. I'll stop here, but I just had to say my two cents about this show.

My New Toys + Crazy Weekend

2009-09-29T02:49:00.000-07:00

End of September has officially arrived and I am splurging. This is definitely a brag post so might as well go all out with some pictures.

Acer Timeline 13.3" with solid state drive and Windows 7 upgrade

Thanks for the recommendation Alistair, we now have twins. This bad boy was actually long overdue as my current laptop has some sort of nasty cold. After you turn it on for about 15 minutes you can literally hear it begin to breath and wheeze. It's obviously the fan but instead of trying to fix it, why not buy a newer, better one that includes Windows 7 when it's released? With solid state drive and a 10+ hour battery life, traveling time will be easier to pass when I can't sleep on the plane. There are obviously some cons like the smaller monitor but it's not something I can't live without. I can't wait to run over my current Fujitsu with my car.

Breitling Chronomat B01 with black face, first 100% in-house movement

There's not much to say about this toy because anything I say may give out too much information. Those who know what it is know what it is. Otherwise, it's just a watch for keeping the time. I've been wanting to get a watch for a long time. Even though I'm not much of a watch wearer at the moment, I think that will change when this arrives on Friday.

After purchasing these items, I'm going into hibernation from buying toys for the next six months because I need to save up for future purchases. I'm quite happy with my choices thus far.

----------

This past Saturday I got a table at Ivy on the rooftop and invited everyone in SD to come along. We started off with two bottles, one Effen and one Patron, which of course ended up becoming three bottles with the addition of Hennessy. The night started off innocently enough with us taking pictures and having some shots, chatting with the waitress who's from Las Vegas, etc. After we went downstairs to the dance floor, everything changed in about 15 minutes. I must have downed over six drinks in that time period in addition to the six or more we had upstairs. I could not remember anything after midnight (we got to our table at around 10:30, went downstairs at about 11:45). Let me just say that I have never drank enough to have a lapse in memory prior to this night. But sometimes the stars align and stupid things happen. I ended up regurgitating liquid the entire night and through Sunday morning. Some biology for you guys: the color of bile is yellow, a creamy yellow.

I've heard some funny stories of things I did, some of which I wish I was conscious and alert enough to remember. I am awaiting pictures to be uploaded onto Facebook and sincerely hope I don't have to untag myself in any of them.

Drought

2009-09-24T01:35:00.001-07:00

I know there has been a lack of updates on this front (mostly intentional) but no longer! I didn't want to distract myself during my first "full" month of work.

I guess that's where we'll start: work. It's been going tremendously well, better than I expected by quite a large margin. The best part about it isn't the pay, it's the hours, the freedom, and the people I've continued to meet. I think San Diego residents are just more friendly and talkative in general. You can meet someone new everyday here without trouble if you wanted to. This month I've chalked up a total of 60 hours, mostly live, which works out to about 4 hours per day. I haven't touched online for over two months and it feels quite nice. You gain experience so much faster online, but I think you lose a lot of your life and freedom when you work online because there will always, always be a game.

I went to Vegas for a couple nights and just got back earlier today. Man when it's off season in Vegas, it's really off season. There is literally one game running the entire day and about 80% of the time it's a boring/bad/nitty/I-don't-want-to-be-here game. However, I did find out that there is a tournament running all of October so I will definitely be heading back within the next couple weeks before I go on vacation (again). I predict most of my October working hours will be in Vegas.

In regard to health I've cut back immensely on food since my return from Sweden. I haven't really been going to the gym as much because I'm planning on running a half-marathon with Wynn in LA in January so I've been training for that. There is a perfect little trail around my apartment complex that is roughly 1.5 miles long with a lot of uphill which is great for fat burn and endurance training. By December I want to put myself through a trail run by running to SDSU which is 7 miles each way. Easier said than done of course as my endurance is really bad right now and I get super hungry after every run which doesn't help. On top of just running I "should" go to the gym twice a week to work upper body and lower body so I don't lose too much mass. So much work to do on this front.

My next big travel trip will be in less than one month when I visit Victor and Co. in NY/NC. I've never been to either place but I sincerely hope I don't fall in love with NY because knowing myself I would go there way too often after that and spend lots of money. I don't have a digicam still but I'll try to scour through Facebook and put them up like I did in Sweden. Random travel feeling: I want to go to Taiwan so bad, anyone want to go in February?

There really is not much else to update on I suppose. I've re-hit my Chinese music groove again recently, expanding beyond Jay Chou and really finding some good gems. It's really weird but I think my musical mood is dictated by the seasons. During summer I like hip hop and rap, during winter I like foreign music and Frank Sinatra/jazz. I enjoy all music, but I always find myself gravitating towards these genres during those seasons, don't know why. Anyway, if anyone is in need of some new Asian music let me know.

I wish I had a funny story to tell because I feel like I've laughed quite a bit this month, but strangely enough I can't remember anything distinctive. I want to try to write more posts again, I just have to hit that writing groove. I actually feel like I'm worse at writing now since I haven't posted in almost a month. Till next time.

Yum yum.

Be On You

2009-09-05T00:35:00.001-07:00

Flo Rida ft. NeYo - Be on You

I said excuse me little (miss) if I may
Take this thought and send it your way
And if you don't like that, then send it right back
But I just gotta say, I wanna be on you

Addicted to this song right now.

Sweden

2009-08-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

Note: This will be a continuous post throughout my trip.

Day 0: Kill me now

My total flight time was 15 hours and 5 minutes, including the layover in Germany. However, once I arrived in Sweden I had to take a bus to the "nearby" train station which was 40 minutes away. I also got tricked by the woman at the information booth who told me the bus was not arriving until 4:25. It actually arrived at 3:40 and as a result, I had to wait almost two extra hours for the 5:20 departure. After I got to the train station, my cousin and her friend picked me up and we had to take the bus another 20 minutes to her dorm. In total, I think I spent about 20 hours getting to where I needed to be.

The trip was filled with enlightening moments though. For example, it was at Frankfurt International in Germany that I discovered how awesome it was to walk around in a place where there was no dominant language. It was fun walking around trying to guess what people were speaking. French was easy, so was Spanish and German. It got difficult when people started speaking Finnish, Swedish, Danish, etc. Another thing: American's stick out like a sore thumb in Europe. I can't describe exactly why, but they have this arrogant aura surrounding them. It is easier to pick up when the majority of people are not American.

I haven't made any real plans yet, but my cousin has seven friends here from her college in Taiwan. It's refreshing to meet new people again, they're all very talkative and friendly. Right now I want to hit up downtown Gothenburg which is about 40 minutes away from Boras (where we live). Country-wise I want to hit up Norway and Denmark for sure, Norway because of the floating stone (will explain with pictures later) and Denmark because I've never been to Copenhagen. Something I really want to do is hit up a bar or pub here, because I feel it would be very different from the states. I would also like to go clubbing but I don't think anyone else here is into that scene. Plus, it might be really weird dancing to electronic music all night.

Swedish streets - doesn't that guy look like he could be a user on Lookbook?

Dorm room - even though it looks small, it's actually about the same size as my SD room

This sign intrigues me, particularly the pictures

My cousin likes to play with her leftovers

Curry for dinner

Day 1: Feel the lag

Woke up at 4:30am Swedish time which translates to 7:30pm US time which means I only slept for 4 hours. I contemplated working but decided I wasn't in the mood so I finished reading "Time Traveler's Wife". I originally bought the book because the preview for the motion picture looked interesting and after some quick research, learned that the book tackles issues of existentialism, time travel (obviously), and meanings of love/fear/loneliness/tragedy. Although it was a long read for me, I am glad I powered through it on the plane and this morning. I have yet to decide what to write about this book, but a post is definitely in order as this book touches on several key points that I have either experienced in my own life or wish I could've experienced, even if the events were tragic and painful.

9:52am - Going out. I found this picture on Digg this morning. For the vision impaired, it's a camouflaged tank.

"Don't speed in Sweden"

4:52pm - Just got back from this outdoor plaza where I got some awesome pictures that I will post later. Random fact: a liter of water here costs $7 US because they want to encourage everyone to drink from the faucet, which actually tastes pretty good I might add. Anyway, Spaghetti is what's for dinner and I'm the chef for the night so be back later.

Day 2: Where am I?

Apparently I passed out after dinner last night, without drinking any alcohol. Despite sleeping at 9pm, I still woke up later today than yesterday which is a good sign. Pictures from yesterday:

All of us thought these Swedes were picture worthy, but we were in a bus so it was the best shot my cousin could get

Self-explanatory

Look! No hands!

New friends

One of our housemates, Isaac from Madrid

Passed out hanging with the crew

Went to the zoo today and it was nothing compared to California's zoos, but it was still worth going. The reason is we randomly bumped into a married couple with a child, her mother was Asian and her dad was Swedish. The girls were commenting on how cute the girl was when the dad started responding back in Mandarin, fluently! Everyone was very impressed when the mom started telling us how she's Taiwanese and her husband lived in Taiwan with her for three and a half years. Seems so short to learn such a difficult language. It was great meeting them and my cousin got the wife's name to add on Facebook but currently cannot find her, which is unfortunate because they were pretty chill. The husband reminds me of Paul Bettany.

Married couple

This one's for Hermann

Advertising for Lookbook everywhere I walk

Day 3: Running in circles

I know I haven't updated for days but it's all because I've been super busy! Today I spent every waking hour doing one of two things: 1) getting eight train tickets round-trip to Kobenhavn (which is no easy task because I have to mediate Chinese and English with a Swedish worker and try to find the cheapest price) and 2) doing research on Kbh. I'd say I spent about two hours getting the tickets (the woman working with us had to take a smoke break in between) and another three hours doing research on all the places to go and the history behind it. I easily worked harder for Kbh than I ever have in college, but it was all worth it.

After I was done, I had set up what we were going to do for the next two and a half days broken down to the hour. The itinerary looked like this:

Tuesday
6:30am - wake up and go to train station
12:00pm - arrive in Kbh and walk to hostel
1:00pm - lunch at Riz Raz
2:30pm - Round Tower
3:30pm - Rosenborg Castle
4:30pm - National Gallery
5:30pm - Amalienborg Palace
7:30pm - dinner at Soren K

Wednesday
10:00am - National Gallery (again)
12:00pm - lunch at Kobmagergade, shopping
4:00 - Christiansborg Palace
6:00 - dinner on Nyhavn (the canal street)
8:00 - beers, chill at hostel

Thursday
10:00am - check-out
12:00pm - lunch at Kobmagergade
4:00 - Kbh central station back to Sweden

Goodnight.

Day 4: It begins (Tuesday)

Thumbs up before we head out

We're here!

Home for the next three days

Everything went well and we got everything done except for the National Gallery because it closed at 5pm so we didn't have time. The first thing that I really noticed and liked about Kbh was the way everything was built. It has a very old European feel to it but also a very modern feel, it has a very strange effect. You feel like you're standing at a place with so much history but also has all the other amenities such as clubs, bars, shopping, etc.

One thing I do have to add is that every place seems to be about a year or two behind American music. I hear them playing some old rap and R&B here which is good and bad; it's good because I don't have to listen to all the trash that's on the radio these days, it's bad because they're usually hits which means they've been way overplayed when they were on the radio.

I received two trophies today in the form of blisters on my pinky toe.

Town hall

Danish stock exchange

Part of Christiansborg Palace

Round Tower observatory

Round Tower church

Round Tower top view

Rosenborg Castle

Amaliensborg, which houses Danish Parliament. Opera house can be seen in the background as well.

Dinner at Soren K

Day 5: It continues (Wednesday)

We hit up the National Gallery successfully this time around and ended up shopping in the afternoon. Girls amaze me sometimes; they can literally go store to store and spend 15-20 minutes per store. I told them they had two hours to shop after lunch and when time was up the average number of stores each girl went through was four. How is that possible? By 3pm I was chilling at an Irish pub sipping on some Guinness.

For those who've never been to Kbh, there are two main streets of shopping, Kobmagergade and Ostergade, where only pedestrians are allowed. It's known as "Pedestrian Street" and is basically a large outdoor mall that is somewhat reminiscent of Asia. In the afternoon there are people who go to the main square at the center and perform to try and get some tips. I spent an hour drinking my beer and watching them. There was this group of crazy guys who just went around imitating people or giving them a hard time as their show. This young teenager walked by and one of them yelled, "PULL YOUR PANTS UP!" and he literally went behind him, grabbed his belt and pulled his pants up to his chest. The kid took it pretty well and it got me wondering if these guys could get away with this kind of entertainment in Asia or in America.

Taking a boat around town

Denmark's "most exclusive apartments" according to the speaker

Play house

Opera house

Dinner on Nyhavn

Day 6: What I've learned (Thursday)

Today was just a chill day, we basically had the whole day free with our only pressing appointment being the train leaving at 4. We decided to go back to Kobmagergade and get some coffee and brunch. Danish people and Europeans in general have an amazing fascination with coffee, anytime you pass by a coffee shop there will be people outside enjoying a cup. I thought since we're here, we might as well see what all the fuss is about and boy am I glad I did. Brunch included eggs, bacon, fruit, bread, brie cheese, salami, turkey, cafe au lait, orange juice, and chocolate banana cake. I was full half-way through but I powered my way home (Fat Club represent!).

I composed a list of things I've learned as I was riding the train back from Denmark:
1) Beer is served everywhere, I mean everywhere. It's the most awesome thing ever, I can go to any restaurant, diner, and even fast food joint and get beer.
2) Everything costs money, I mean everything. It also doesn't help that Denmark is the third most expensive country in the world behind Norway and Sweden. Water here is more expensive than soda or juice at $7 USD, which makes it unreasonable to ever buy water. Most places don't serve tap water so you're really just drinking beer all day. Also, I went to a 7-eleven type mart to buy sausages and even a plastic fork cost money.
3) Danish people are tall. I think most girls I saw were taller than me by a good two to three inches. Danish guys are all 6'2'' or taller.
4) English is the best language to know. It gets you everywhere and everyone speaks it very well.
5) Swedish people have a better sense of fashion than Danish people. That being said, I did drop off about 60 HYPE stickers at a store and the next day I went back about half were gone.
6) European dining is unbeatable in terms of scenery. When we ate on Nyhavn, we were eating under umbrellas with our chairs facing the canal, enjoying a nice sunset. Service was great and my Hoegaarden was huge. Also, most places sell beer to-go or take-out as they call it. I took full advantage of that and bought beer to drink and walk.
7) Kbh is one of my new favorite cities in the world. I got a ton of souveniors to decorate my room with and give away. I could never write enough detail to do this place justice, which is why I've kept the last three days as short as possible. If I were to write every detail, it would easily surpass 1000 words per day.

My Hoegaarden, no pun intended

Little Denmark circa 1508

Goodbye Kbh, I will miss you.

Day 7: Recovery

I've spent the entire day relaxing. Everyone had orientation this morning at the library and since wireless wasn't working for some reason, I took the bus to the library as well. Played some poker and watched some "True Blood" and then ate lunch. There was some light rain early afternoon which was kind of refreshing. I just got back from the Swedish equivalent of Bevmo with $50 USD worth of alcohol and our plan tonight is to play cards and Ma Jiang with some drinks. There's an exchange student party at 10pm where people are supposed to dress in colors reflecting their country but it's BYOD so we are ditching it. Bring your own drink incase you're wondering what the acronym meant.

I am diligently trying to get into "True Blood" but sometimes I think the dialogue is just too dull. I appreciate how they try to stay away from all the overused cliches when it comes to vampires, but I'd like to see a little more dialogue that doesn't sound like, "I'm horny" or "Let me suck on you" or "My life sucks because.." Anyway, it's not a horrible show and it's entertaining enough to pass the time when I need to so I'll stick with it for a bit longer.

I'll try to post some buzzin' pictures later.

Recap of the party last night: we got through about 80% of the alcohol which is very surprising because I thought nobody here drank, but I guess they're the type that keep going once they start which is awesome. We played various drinking games but I have to bring up a particular situation that came up last night. We were all playing ten fingers when someone stated they've never had sex before. Some people put their fingers down and I guess one girl in particular was a Christian and the original girl who hasn't had sex before looked at her and said, "Jesus will be mad" in a really serious tone. That table erupts in laughter including myself although I think we were laughing for different reasons. It was the biggest buzz kill ever and seriously, who says that at a party, especially when you're playing a game like ten fingers?

Anyway, point of the story is playing ten fingers is only fun when the environment is playful and accepting. It's also no fun to play when there's one person who has no dirt. The same girl from above used "I've never had a significant other" and "I've never kissed someone". Really? You're going to use those two after you use "I've never had sex before"? I guess it would be a big find if someone put down a finger to sex but not the other two, but I don't think I know anyone who's done that. It kind of got to a point where when it was her turn to say "I've never.." nobody really cared anymore and just wanted to move on to the next person.

Random pictures that have been uploaded since I last posted.

On the way to Denmark

Stopping at Malmö on the way, the third largest city in Sweden

Swedish lunch: baby shrimp and egg sandwich

Rosenborg Castle, popsicle trees

The three of us unknowingly put our left leg up at the same time on the Christiansborg Palace fountain

Day 8: Cheeseburger over rice

Woke up at 12pm today and my cousin woke up at 1. We lounged around, had chocolate milk for breakfast, and did some laundry. Didn't leave the dorms till 4pm to meet up with everyone else and get groceries for dinner. We ended up getting some juice and iced tea then cooking whatever we had left in the fridge/freezer for dinner. Dinner ended up being cheeseburger over rice with diced potatoes/ham and Chinese tomato cabbage soup.

Tomorrow we're going to Göteborg, which is the second biggest city in Sweden behind Stockholm. Should be fun, it will most likely be my last time going to a big city before I leave so I'll probably end up spending some money to finish up getting souvenirs and presents.

Day 9: Göteborg

Took a one hour train ride to Göteborg and had a pretty good time. It's mostly shopping and since today was Sunday everything closed at 4pm. I didn't really see anything I would buy there other than this t-shirt that had a cartoon viking screaming on it with "Scandinavian Dirtbag" under it. Looked pretty funny but cost $35 USD and after about 15 minutes of contemplating, I decided I couldn't justify buying it.

Tomorrow school starts for everyone which means I will either be watching a whole lot of "True Blood" or I'll be working. Today on the ride back I actually started thinking about work and how I miss it. This month I've worked probably four hours? I wasn't really into it but now that I've been on vacation for over a week, I am pretty excited to go back to SD and crush some live games. Also I plan on putting in a large volume of hands in September for three reasons: 1) establish a better work ethic 2) save money for October trip and 3) establish myself at Palomar. Hopefully things will go well! Off to eat some noodles with everyone.

Cool flag/icon/shield

Day 10: Free lunch

Woke up and met everyone at the campus library for lunch and they surprised me with a student coupon that gets you a free juice box, fruit, and sandwich! Rest of the afternoon was just running errands and now I'm making chicken soup for everyone's dinner, looks good so far.

I think I picked a very good time to travel to Sweden because I've only been living in SD for a month before coming here, so everything there is still fresh for me which makes going home a lot easier. I think I got a really naturalistic experience in Sweden because my cousin's college is located in a small town that is literally in the middle of the forest. It's nice but only for a short period of time; it feels like I'm at a retreat or something. It was a bit hard coming back to Boras after going to Denmark, but it helps prepare me for going back to SD because quite frankly, there is much more to do in SD than here. I probably would've gone into "European Withdrawal" if I went back to SD from Kbh. It wouldn't have been as bad as when I get "Taiwan Withdrawal" but it would still suck.

Day 11: Chat it up

Played some miniature MJ last night and won once out of six games. There's this one girl who destroys us all, I wonder how she does it.

7.2% beer

Scheming

Dinner was mapo tofu and some soup, which was delicious. We all ended up chilling and chatting for a couple hours, sharing some Youtube videos, and singing some karaoke; it was a substantial night.

Day 12: Pub day!

Today there's a fashion pub day where all the fashion and design majors basically go to a pub and get wasted. It's not exclusive which means I can go to, but now that I think about it I'm not sure if I want to. I don't know the first thing about fashion design and all I really want is to do some bombs at the bar haha. We'll see how it goes.

Found this shirt, FC represent!

The pub thing turned out to be more of a fashion design gathering, complete with a ghetto fashion show. It was still entertaining because everyone who did the catwalk were older students and they were wearing stuff that the newer students made. This turned out to be a great opportunity to spam my HYPE stickers for Lookbook and everyone was genuinely interested in what the site was about. Tomorrow there is another fashion show, a more official one so we're going to try and hand out some more stickers again. I only have about 150 stickers left!

Day 13: Concert!

So the fashion show turned out to be a huge flop, only five models on a non-existent runway. No matter because afterwards two bands performed that were absolutely awesome. The first was "State of Drama" and the second was "Miss Li", both being Swedish bands. They were completely different genres with SoD being more punk-rock and MsLi being..well it's kind of hard to describe, but "different in a good way" is the best I can come up with. They were both really good at getting the audience involved, I only wish I knew some of their lyrics before going so I could rock with everyone else. Here's one song from each band:
State.of.DramaRain

Miss.LiDancing.the.Whole.Way.Home

Something I've picked up on and was told by one of our Swedish friends is that Sweden is very socialistic in some areas. I don't think all of it is necessarily bad. They have government owned and run alcohol stores that basically sell everything over 5.5% ABV. You won't be able to buy anything over 5.5% at a grocery store. Another thing that's government run are the pharmacies, so things are sold near base price. Companies trying to become billionaires off the latest pharmaceutical drug will have a hard time doing so selling to Sweden. Beyond these two examples there are other things like concerts that promote Swedish bands or malls that contain all Swedish stores (like four different H&M stores in the same mall). Obviously the malls promoting Swedish brands isn't a great thing for shoppers, but like I said, not all of the socialistic policies are bad.

Day 14: Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol

One of the girls here is a home-stay exchange student so she invited us over to her place along with some German exchange students. We made pot stickers from scratch and some ghetto fried rice. It turned out pretty well and the Germans loved it as well as the Swedish mom. Something about food really brings cultures together.

After a short break at home we decided to try our luck at clubbing. Unfortunately the club downtown was closed for some reason and the nearest one was 15km away with no public transportation. We ended up bumping into a random Taiwanese guy on the street who was buzzing and started chatting with us in Chinese. I obviously wasn't sure whether or not this guy was legit but we kind of chatted with him some more and he said he was heading to this bar called "Swing". Don't worry, it wasn't that kind of bar. It ended up being this really (really) small bar that was about twice the size of a normal bedroom. They played electronic music of course and it was surprisingly crowded, but I guess when your place is that small it doesn't take a lot of people to get crowded. An interesting thing was they had this upstairs area that had blackjack. That's right, gambling in a club. America needs some of that. The minimum bet was 20kr which is equivalent to roughly $3 USD, but I stayed away from it.

Moving on, we hit up a restaurant/bar that I forgot the name of and we ended up staying there the whole night because the girls didn't really trust the guy we met on the streets so they wanted to be somewhere where there was security and lights. It turned out to be really fun because they had a live band that played country music with Swedish lyrics. The crowd was a little older, mostly early 30s to late 30s with a few token 20 somethings. My cousin decided she wanted to get really drunk so she could get on the dance floor and clap and dance with everyone else. We got a double shot of JD and then got a long island immediately after. That definitely got the job done as you can tell by these pictures.

罰站

Thumbs up even when drunk!

Mr. Happy

Mimic

Passed out

Day 15: Home!

Everyone went to the train station with me in the morning which was very sweet of them. The trip was not as sweet because unlike the flight to Sweden, my flight back was 100% during Swedish daytime which meant I slept a total of maybe one hour the entire trip. I ended up watching four movies to pass the time and am now officially back home. I miss Sweden already, more so the company there than anything else. I also miss SD though because I really want to catch some sun, swim, and start working out again. Strangely, I don't miss Cupertino much at all.

The end!

Peaceful

2009-08-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

Something that I kind of realized when moving to SD was that I would see maybe 10 rainy days a year. It wasn't something I really took into account, but now that I'm back up north (and even though it's not raining), I've come to realize how much I will miss the rain.

Light rain, medium rain, hard rain. Storms and rainbows, cloudy and clear.

What is it about rain that relaxes me?

Perhaps it's the constant beat. It gives me something to drum my fingers to, it gives my mind a track to play in my head. It's the same reason I love typing so much. The constant sound of keys, forming a rhythm, the more I type the more I seem to want to type.

Perhaps it's the constant noise. Some days when it rains through the night, I wake up the next morning better rested, fully rested. Everything seems to slow down when it rains. I don't get waken up as easily because everything is drowned out; the music of the world is temporarily turned down.

Perhaps it's the idea of rain and it's properties. I absolutely love driving when it's raining. I don't know why people hate it. I don't mind getting a little wet. I like the windshield wipers going left and right. I like the heater on medium blast, forming a bubble of well-heated transportation. I like seeing my dusty, dirty car get washed drop by drop. The concept of being washed becomes abstract soon enough. If I'm not driving I like to stare off and sometimes close my eyes, even if I'm not tired. Cleanse myself; my mind, my thoughts, my worries, my struggles, my pains, my wants, my needs.

Why is everything always about 'me'? Were we meant to be such selfish beings? There are billions of 'me's' out there, everyone trying to fix their own problems and figure out their own lives. What am I going to eat today? When am I going to fix my car? How am I going to get her to notice me? Why won't my boss promote me? Who is in control of my life?

It seems like such a simple question, yet few ask it. We do all we can to bring our lives under our own control, but how come it doesn't feel like we are in control? Because 'the things you own end up owning you. It's only after you've lost everything are you free to do anything', courtesy of an imaginary character by the name of Tyler Durden. Money. Fame. Power. Love. Your job. Your car. Your social status. Your health. The list can go on forever, becoming as general or specific as you want.

There will be no conclusion to this post. It is abruptly ended, intentionally left unfinished, hopefully just enough for the mind to chew on. But just because there is no conclusion does not mean there is no purpose.

Rain, lovely rain
purge my mind of sticky thoughts
And let it rain,
lovely rain
come and wash away

Lead me astray,
take me to a place
where we remain the same
One more day

AlphawezenRain

I Got A Feelin'

2009-08-06T07:04:00.000-07:00

How does Black Eyed Peas make so many top hits with songs that have the most ridiculous and meaningless lyrics? It puzzles me, but no matter how bad the lyrics are, I always find myself groovin' to their songs either in the car or at the club.

Last weekend, Hermann and I went to the mall to get random stuff when we walked into Z Gallerie. As most of you know, it's not exactly the cheapest store in the mall, but it sounded like a good idea at the time. I was going in to just "look around" and of course, it ended in financial disaster. He bought one painting and I bought two. At least now our apartment looks a little classier, thank you American Express!

Jazz Band

Le Virtuose

End of Day

The same evening we got these bad boys, we attended Alistair's birthday BBQ and decided it would be a great idea to do some power hour. It turned out to be way easier than I imagined. I always hear people tell stories about how they quit with 3 minutes to go, or they had to barf then come back and finish -- like the home stretch was going to be tougher than anything I've ever faced in my life. Well, let me just say that it's not true, not even close. Century club, you are next.

Last but not least, I look forward to seeing all the familiar faces back in Cupertino this weekend.

End of the Month

2009-07-31T00:08:00.001-07:00

It has now officially been a full month since I moved down to SD and I am surprised I am still in one piece. This month has been quite a transition for many reasons: alcoholic friends, work, sunk costs, and meeting people. We'll start from the top..

Alcoholic friends - you know who you two are. I hope my kidney and liver understand that I will not treat them this poorly for the rest of my life. This first month has kind of caught me off guard and I've just been trying to "get to know the city". Also, I suck really bad at beer pong which we have been playing relentlessly the past few weeks.

Work - getting back in the groove has been tough because I'm almost never home. I think this month I've worked a total of 16-20 hours which is about 1/3 of what I wanted. Going out is bad because is not only takes away time I can use to work, but it also adds to my expenses. Praise God, I've somehow able been able to pay off my expenses and sunk costs (see below) and still have a little extra dough. I have hit my target amount for the month and am very happy about it. PLO is a strange game.

Sunk costs - moving into a brand new apartment means buying new furniture. I spent about $800 on my room and $800 on my mattress (don't ask, and yes it is worth it). Living room we got a steal for our couch for $270, TV stand for $50. Only things missing are coffee table, dining table, more chairs, and some decorations or posters. I'd say another $500 ought to do it.

Meeting people - graduating from college makes it so much more difficult to meet new people but things have been moving along. I've been trying to be more social, outgoing, and aggressive. Meet friends of friends or just random people at stores (like a coffee shop perhaps?). I hope I can meet 3-5 new people a month and out of those people I hope I can keep in touch and get to know at least one. Is it possible? Maybe, we'll see.

One thing I still need to do is find a church down here. If anybody has any recommendations, hit me up. I've been to 'the Rock' but I am not the biggest fan of mega churches so I will keep looking. I have two other churches my friends are taking me to check out as well. Hopefully I can commit to one by September because I think church hopping is a detrimental disease and can be very addictive.

Sweden is coming up in less than two weeks and I am pretty pumped. I haven't seen my cousin in such a long time. I'm a little nervous about the layover in Germany because I don't really know what to do. I have no experience with currency exchange either. I obviously could just do it at the airport but I hear they make a killing off tourists who do that. I also really don't want to get pick pocketed or mugged, but Sweden is supposed to be better than Italy or France in that regard. I'm going to make my cousin take lots of pictures so I can bum off her camera to use for a trip report when I get back.

Sometimes I wish I had God's phone number. Not to call Him to see if He's there, but to text Him and say "I'm sorry."

Seattle

2009-07-19T11:36:00.000-07:00

Finally a post with some pictures.

We begin with Thursday evening, I arrive at the house and get a glimpse of Seattle through these windows. The weather was amazing, not gloomy or cloudy like it usually is.

We waste no time and once our last party member arrives around midnight, we start the weekend off with some good old fashioned Kings Cup and later on some Majong.

Friday I wake up sweating because apparently big windows means more area for the sun to own you. We hit up downtown Seattle, which reminds me of a cleaner version of San Francisco. We check out the fish market, all the Starbucks including the original, a park, and some other small shops. I've decided that the odds of someone having a tattoo in Seattle is roughly 50%, it's almost part of their culture I feel.

Moving on, Friday night we meet up with some local friends and we hit up the club. Turns out people in Seattle actually go to clubs to dance. Weird huh? The bar was empty the entire night, we never had to wait longer than 30 seconds to get drinks. Prices were great too, so all in all a very fun place.

Saturday was the 4th of July so we did it right by having a BBQ in a national park next to a huge lake. Of course everyone else in Seattle decided to do the same thing. We met some more friends of friends and as cool as they were, I have a bone to pick with them. We're all playing Big Two and we're discussing what the rules are. I've heard my fair share of different rules before like no full houses, yes full houses, bomb single twos only, can't end on a two, straights have to be 5 cards only, etc. But let me tell you one thing, I've never heard people talk about suits! In "Seattle", heart is the biggest suit, then club, diamond, spade. Explain to me how that makes any sense at all. It is always in alphabetical, ascending order with spade being the highest. Nobody can argue this with me. But you know what? When in Rome..so I just bit my lip and played some cards.

Other than that little misstep, everyone was super chill and talkative. Unfortunately we didn't stay too long because the sun was killing us. Saturday night we end up going to downtown Bellevue, which is a lot like downtown Cupertino in terms of fun. Oh wait, there is no downtown Cupertino! No clubs, only bars and food, which was fine since everyone was getting a little tired at this point.

Sunday was relaxing, spent the afternoon at Wynn's relative's house and met his baby cousin (or nephew?) Miles!

Afterwards, we went to the Space Needle which was crazy, not because it's high in the sky or anything, but because there was so much stuff to do/see around it. Key Arena was walking distance away, there was this huge park with a water spitting machine at the center owning kids in swim suits, there was a janky amusement park next to it, and there was a science museum as well. Beerfest was also going on but we didn't go because they stop serving at 6pm and we didn't get there until maybe 5:45.

Dinner was great because we got $50 off per person (thanks Wynn's aunt!). The lamb was good and so was the wine, but what really took the cake was their tomato basil soup. That thing was so good that I actually ordered a second one to take home after our meal.

Monday we all flew home and I packed up to make the move down to San Diego. Now everyday the sun is bright, the people are friendly, and the food is awesome. The only bad thing is I actually have to remind myself to work since it's so easy to forget. Goodbye Seattle!

Travel Bug

2009-07-08T16:23:00.000-07:00

Apparently this bug is very expensive. Just got back from Seattle a couple days ago and had a great time there. I'm waiting for my friend to send me pictures so I can post some of them here. I think in total I spent about $800 including airfare for the four-day trip. When I didn't think it could get worse, I just realized I'll be in Europe for 2 weeks in August, then North Carolina/New York for 2 weeks in October. On top of all this I have to pay for rent in San Diego. Luckily, work is going well so traveling is less stressful.

As expensive as it is, I still think it's an invaluable experience and great opportunity while I'm still young and have no responsibilities like raising a family. I'll write a nice trip report for all my travels in the near future filled with pictures and commentary.

Things I need to buy sometime before August:
1. laptop (super important #1 priority)
2. furniture (as money allows after #1)
3. digicam (back-burner but useful when traveling)

Busy

2009-06-23T06:24:00.000-07:00

The way I like it.

I'll be heading back to Davis this afternoon, followed by a lot of walking/running around campus to handle administration stuff for "official" graduation. This will hopefully be the last time I ever set foot in Davis. Afterwards I will likely spend the night there and pack up everything I'm taking with me.

Wednesday I drive back to Cupertino, watch Transformers ROTF, and hang out for 8 days. Tell my dad I'll be moving to SD (sounds like a good idea to let him know before I go).

07/02, fly to Seattle. Come back on the 6th.

07/08, drive down to SD with minimal luggage. I'll be buying furniture while I'm down there. Settle down, work a little, get membership to gym/rockclimbing/driving range. Familiarize myself with the area.

08/15, fly to Sweden to visit my cousin. We'll also be hitting up France and England, which should be fun.

Sometime in early September, return to SD. Work officially begins. Since I'll have some free time, there are several things I plan on looking into beyond work and the gym. At the top of my list is some sort of weak sauce MMA classes and culinary art. I say weak sauce MMA because I would just like to learn some basic things to start; I don't want to get my head bashed in on the first day. Culinary art will kind of be on my own time and schedule. I'm not going to enroll in any classes because I happen to believe they are a big waste of money. I would much rather watch Food Network or find recipes online and experiment in my kitchen. Beyond that I really have no idea, but I'll have roughly 20 hours of free time a week (excluding weekends) that I want to fill up. Any ideas or suggestions?

Before I Forget

2009-06-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

Heading out from Vegas in two days, unfortunately the trip was not successful for various reasons. I think my mental stamina only runs for 4-5 days because usually when I'm fresh, I do very well early on and book nice wins. After that it just becomes a grind and the focus suffers from wear and tear. Lady luck definitely was not kind to me the last 72 hours, but it comes with the territory. Rather than moan and groan, I have some thoughts from this trip:

Having a car in Vegas makes it 10x more accessible and cheap. A taxi ride from Wynn to Bellagio is roughly $15 including tip; renting a car for a day is $30/day. You also are able to eat at places off-strip, which saves you tons of money. It really is a different town when you have wheels.
Cheap off-strip restaurants on my hit-list: Ah-Zhong Mian Xian, Ichizo, and Korean BBQ. I've explored a few others but these stand out in my mind, especially the Japanese sake house.
Saw a motorcyclist lying in a pool of his own blood, body badly disfigured from being hit by oncoming traffic. It was horrific to see, but it really help put a new perspective for the remainder of my trip i.e. losing at poker is not the worst thing in the world.
My house has got to be located in one of the most chill communities ever. This place has a golf course, tennis courts, full gym, water park, and a restaurant. My only regret is that I have not been able to experience any of the above places because I'm always either driving to the casino or driving back. Never stopped to smell the roses.
Town Square is my #1 shopping center at the moment. I generally love out door shopping centers like Santana Row, Stanford, or Fashion Mall. This place takes the cake. It's gigantic and fully loaded with stores, theaters, bars, restaurants, and grills. The Vegas weather is actually really nice too because you can go there wearing shorts at 2am and feel warm.
The biggest selling point of Vegas besides gambling, clubbing, and other strip related stuff are the hours of operation. No joke, almost every place I've eaten at off-strip is either open 24 hours or closes at 3am. It's like heaven for me because I dig late night grub/activities and Davis/Cupertino just doesn't have any. SD's got some so that's a good medium for me.

Looking forward to getting some mental and physical rest when I get back. Hang out with some familiar faces and just chill. Drive my sexy Avalon around town instead of this red Hyundai. The plan is still move to SD but with a different working schedule than originally planned. I'll need to play more sparingly and in spurts to prevent exhaustion. I feel surprisingly calm right now, not worried one bit. Probably because things always seem to find a way of working itself out. That and I have great, understanding friends waiting for me back at home.

Vegas and My Other Blog

2009-06-10T12:48:00.000-07:00

Countdown: 48 hours.

I'll be posting pictures of the house I'm staying at once I get there. If you're in town, text me or call me and I'll tell you the address. Gearing up my mind for some heavy duty poker. I went to a cardroom in Sacramento yesterday to blow off some steam. I'm not stressed about anything but I just enjoy messing around beforehand, getting all that gamble out of my system.

I regret to inform those who read my poker blog that I will no longer be writing anything interesting in that blog. Maybe from time to time there will be a special surprise, but for the most part I'll just be blogging here, about the part of my life that actually matters to me. I have kind of hit this annoyance stage with poker blogs and how everyone just posts about hand histories, how they're doing, how bad/well they've been running, and so on. When I read my poker blog, that's all I see! And you know what? I annoy myself! For poker players, their blog is just a vehicle for mental masturbation (I won $x this month because I'm so awesome) or bitching because nobody else will listen (I am the unluckiest person in the world, cry whine cry some more).

Who really cares how much money you're up this month or year? Who cares how unlucky you are? What's the difference? You win some, you lose some. All you do when you blog about poker is a) you give opponents who read your blog information about your game and b) you open yourself up to criticism about how bad you are or how lucky you are. It's stuff that you don't need to take. Last time I checked America was a free country and poker was a game that involved aspects of luck. As long as you're not breaking any rules of the game, I really don't care what you do. Vocalizing how bad or lucky someone is doesn't help me. I just want to figure out a way to beat you.

Man, now I'm pumped for Vegas.

Delusional

2009-06-09T03:18:00.000-07:00

3:19am and studying for finals! I have about six to seven pages of notes to study and I've gotten through one. So rather than study the rest, I've decided to waste time and write a blog post...about absolutely nothing! I had a quadruple shot cappuccino at around 10:30pm. Since the half-life of caffeine is about 5 hours, I should be feeling the crash in approximately 9 minutes. Random thoughts race through my head when I'm caffeinated.

I've decided a song that really helps me study is 'Konstantine'. It's long and drawn out, with a soothing piano melody.
What is it about finals that makes people go cuckoo? Some people respond by studying restlessly. Others, like myself, seem to study less.
It seems like being a Christian is like being a villain. The other day at a party, someone stated I was a Christian and the response was, "OMG YOU'RE CHRISTIAN?!" I don't get it, is it offensive to be one or something?
I got owned by the Ferrari store in SF. Bought a new wallet there last Thursday and the first time they swiped by debit card there was an "error". So let's swipe it again and see what happens! I'll tell you what happens, I get charged twice.
I've never been to Vegas for 17 consecutive days (shocking I know). I've been there 22 days out of the month before, but always with a day or two in between somewhere else. I'm not sure how to feel about this upcoming trip. It will be nice to have a house and car though.
Cappuccinos and cigars are the new thing for me. They pair up so well, better synergy than wine or whiskey (barf, literally).
Only two finals left. Why does it seem like time passes slower as Thursday crawls closer? Theory of relativity.
I r starving.

This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
Hey, you know, you keep me up in bed
Konstantine

Summary of Events

2009-06-01T14:55:00.000-07:00

Things went well for everybody this weekend, but rather than talk about money or poker, I thought I'd write about some random things that happened this weekend which I thought was entertaining in some manner. I will post almost all my hand histories on my poker blog for those who are more into poker, so you can read it there.

Wendesday
-Won luckiest hand of poker because if I had lost, everyone would have been very sad on Friday. But somehow managed to pull out the hand, the rest is history.
-Action was pretty bad overall, but did splash around in a HORSE mixed game and did very well.

Thursday
-Action heated up and things started clicking poker-wise.
-40k event was mad crazy, there were thousands of railbirds. They made it sound like a zoo. "Honey look, it's Negreanu getting a massage." Uh, ok?
-Missed my presentation in Chinese class. Was it worth it? We'll find out after finals.
-Played till 630am, early enough to see Moneymaker lose several thousand in a cash game. He was chip leader after day 1, did not cash or make it past day 2. Surprised? Can't say I am.

Friday
-Everybody should have brought umbrellas for the rainy forecast. Ha. Ha.
-Witnessed someone get blacklisted from the Rio. This guy got unlucky in a hand and started cussing everybody out including the dealer. When the supervisor came over, he tried to talk to him but the supervisor told him to never come back. He then proceeded to cuss out the supervisor and they had to call security on him, which promptly arrived and escorted out of the building.
-Was feeling very tired from the past two nights so did not drink much. Tao was crowded as usual, but free is always good.
-Played some poker after the club, about 15 hands before the game broke. I don't know why people quit when someone sits down with a stamp on their hand. It's obvious I was at a club and had been drinking a little bit. Any action is good action.

Saturday
-Hit up the pool, weather was awesome. Saw two guys with tattoos on their bottom back. Not going to make any generalizations, but just throwing it out there..
-Took a nap and went to play cards, 10/20 with action Dan Harrington. We ended up playing the same number of hands in the hour I was there: two.
-Yellowtail has the best logo ever. I don't know why I like it so much. The waitresses were good as usual but not as great as last time. Cavs lost and it was not even close, kind of sad but at least Orlando can beat LA. That's all that matters now.
-Got our stamps at XS and went back upstairs to drink. That club got everyone pumped up. We ended up having about 30 people there so it was impossible to go anywhere and not see at least one person you know.
-Played more poker after the club. Notice a trend?

Sunday
-Flight scheduled to leave at 2:50pm, didn't wake up until 12:30. Changed it to 3:50. Ate Chinese food which was delicious. Not like Chinese restaurant food, but street food from Taiwan kind of Chinese food. All those different soups and noodles and tofus. Vinny couldn't help himself but flirt with the waitress. It's okay though, she was definitely attractive, not your typical Chinese girl. Sick tattoo.
-Missed my 3:50 flight, changed it to 5:40. Went to Coke factory and M&M factory and bought an awesome shirt. I wish I bought that one yellow M&M shirt.
-Bumped into one of the middle-aged Asian guys I play poker with. He was with his wife and three kids. It's so different seeing people outside of poker, they are so normal and nice.
-Left the factories at 4:55, got to the airport at 5:20. Sped through the airport, got stuck in the security line because some guy packed bottled water. Got to the gate at 5:35 and got on the plane just in time. It felt good, almost like I was going on a personal jet which leaves right when I board.

Post Vegas syndrome is always difficult to fight. I have exactly 11 days of school left including finals. I have to pass all my classes and I am dangerously close in three of them. I sincerely hope all goes well, but we'll see.

Here We Go Again

2009-05-27T01:08:00.000-07:00

Heading to Vegas this weekend and actually excited about it. I'm very stunned by the faith of my friends in my poker game. I wasn't planning on playing a single hand of poker this trip for the first time ever, but suddenly everyone has decided to buy a percentage of my action. It's very flattering but I really don't think they know what they're getting themselves into. I want everyone to know poker still has aspects of luck and gambling so nothing is guaranteed. I feel terrible when I lose other people's money so it's time to step it up! I enjoy the pressure, especially on the felt.

The WSOP is starting this Friday so everyone who's anyone in the poker world is there already or arriving this weekend. This will be my third year at the series and every year I am just amazed at the atmosphere and level of play. I'm not laughing at the thousands of tourists who fly in hoping to strike it big, because most of them have so much money it makes my head spin. But seriously sometimes it feels like I'm stealing money. There is no greater time for a poker player than these next two months.

Hopefully things go well and all my friends can share a profit at the end of the day. I normally don't like selling action because I play a rather high variance game, but I get enjoyment from other people's happiness and support so I decided to run with it this time. Provided I do well, I look forward to playing some drunk 4/8 limit on Friday night with everyone! Stay tuned for my full report on Vegas, there will definitely be some crazy funny stories after this weekend.

Another great this-is-something-only-Hermann-would-say moment
(Hermann playing arena in WoW)
Jeff: Are you guys winning?
Hermann: ARGHHH, no we just lost.
Jeff: Why do you suck so much at this game?
Hermann: AT LEAST I DON'T SUCK COCK!

A Quick Calculation

2009-05-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

As a player of cards, I tend to see odds as a very unbiased "organism". I think organism is appropriate because sometimes it really feels like the cards have a mind of their own. One of the most basic events that occur in poker is the coin flip. You have a pair in hand, your opponent has two overcards, and you're both all-in preflop. You will each win roughly 50% of the time. Now what I can't stand is when people bitch and moan about how they haven't won a coinflip all day. Seriously? I understand the odds of losing say 10 straight times is .5^10 and yes, it's statistically improbable. But think about your life. How many things do you do that could result in death?

You know how you hear those statistics that say 1 in 5 people will die because of cause a, 1 in 100 will die because of cause b, etc? Well, here is a small, truncated list of odds I found on the internet. I'm not sure if they're 100% accurate, but let's use the first two as a general guide. The ones that follow are just interesting to look at.

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319

Now given these parameters (keep in mind there are many more ways to die) you can calculate the odds of survival in your lifetime. For simplicity, we'll just take the first one: "Odds of being killed in a transportation accident in the next year". You will survive 77 out of 78 times. That means by age 25, your odds of survival are a mere 72.4% or (1-1/78)^25. Of course this doesn't take into account 1) All the people out there who are driving recklessly and drunk who are inflating this stat and 2) Defensive/smart driving that can help you avoid these situations. However, this stat does include other ways of traveling other than driving, so as a whole, statistically you will die 28.6% of the time by age 25. Here are some other ages:

25 - 72.4%
30 - 67.9%
40 - 59.7%
50 - 52.5%

Kind of crazy when you think about it. By age 50, your life will be a coinflip. Now that's a new perspective.

Good Will Hunting

2009-05-13T11:29:00.001-07:00

Not one of my favorite movies of all-time but definitely a classic. There are quite a few parts of the movie that I think are amazingly written. Three to be exact. The first part where Will reduces the nerd at the bar to a pile of rubbish, Will's fear of commitment, and Will's knowledge.

The first is not as much interesting as it was entertaining. The second is much more intriguing because I find it relates to my life a lot more than I had previously thought, but this is neither the right time nor place to expand upon that. It would get pretty raw if I wrote about that, maybe someday I will.

The third part is the most interesting. Here is the dialogue with Sean (Robin Williams) speaking to Will. I cut out some parts, but it's still long. I just couldn't see anything else I could cut out.

So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help...You're an orphan right?

You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't want to do that do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.

What got me even thinking about this movie again is when I saw an article online titled "25 Greatest Monologues of All-Time". This made the list and when I think about it, I don't see how it couldn't. This little piece speaks so much truth it's amazing.

Now I don't claim to be as smart or gifted as this imaginary character Will, but I can say that this guy is only as unique as his books allow him to be. I have BS'ed my way through most of college, because I know how to memorize and spit out what the teacher wants. That doesn't make me special. How many people do we know go around quoting others as if they know what that person was saying? Regurgitation of information is the center piece of college, but it's not life.

I came to realize this when my mother passed away. This movie capsulizes all of that in its purest form. This Will guy, he sure is smart, but so what? Someone can tell me everything they know about biology, chemistry, psychology, and I won't respect them any more or less than I did before. They can tell me everything they know about the Bible, but that doesn't mean anything. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about your struggles. Because that is what I want to know. We share the same bond, the same suffering, so why not? There is nothing to hide, nothing to fear.

My favorite part of this monologue is the end. Because if someone came to me thinking they knew who I was simply because they read some book about lung cancer, losing a parent at a young age, and how to avoid post-traumatic stress disorder, I'll walk away from them. You have no idea until the day it happens to you or your children. So because I can't say it any better than this quote, I'll leave it at that.

You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally... I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I'm fascinated. I'm in.

In My Head..

A Dilemma

Radio Darkness

Twitter or Bust

Stuff

Things I've Learned

Passion

My Retirement and Future

As Cold As The Other Side of the Pillow

Some Poker Hilarity

Where to Begin?

1000 Concepts

Forwards and Backwards

Symphony Orchestra

Doing Okay

Session 2

Zzzzz

Beat Down

Soul Crushed

Heart

Hilarity

Oh Yeah This Thing

NYC/Boston

Consistency

Church?

Victory!

Point Loma

Poker: The End

World Peace

Psychology

Yes or No

A Complaint

Blood Types

Maui

Intelligence vs Application

Project!

Value Added

Sadistic?

Chill

Short and Simple

A New Form of Pain

Split

Goal

Oceans

Groovin'

Coinflip

A Short One

Decisions Decisions

Write More!

Taipei

More Music

Talk Don't Change a Thing

Ship It?

Scared and Anxious

Go Go Go

This Quote Amazed Me

What goes on in people’s minds? Everyone thinks writers must know more about what goes on in the human head, but that is wrong. They know less, that’s why they write. Trying to find out what everyone else takes for granted.-Margaret Atwood, Lives of the Poets

Waves

Suzywire

New Years Eve

Hmm..

Pump It Up

Last Name: Ever, First Name: Greatest

Purpose

War of My Life

Seven Pounds

Dizzy

Hype

NC/NY

Two Weeks Notice

Knowledge Is Not Power

Flash Forward

My New Toys + Crazy Weekend

Drought

Be On You

Sweden

Peaceful

I Got A Feelin'

End of the Month

Seattle

What goes on in people’s minds? Everyone thinks writers must know more about what goes on in the human head, but that is wrong. They know less, that’s why they write. Trying to find out what everyone else takes for granted.
-Margaret Atwood, Lives of the Poets